OK, this thread is completely overwhelming me right now. Posts that I need to respond to are being made so fast… far faster than my ability to emotionally process them.
So I ask for everyone’s patience. But in the interim, it seems like a good time to call a (hopefully brief) time out. I wanted to point out a couple of things that are deliberately off topic… in part to help me (and perhaps others) regroup so we can return with a fresh, better perspective re: this thread.
I think it’s so easy to forget that people on this forum are more than avatars and user names. They have jobs and kids and pets. So I decided to find out more about Fidelia.
Fidelia is obviously a very special person. Seriously. And, I don’t say this lightly. I’ve spent a little time getting to know Fidelia over the past hour by checking out her previous posts. (Yep, I woke up in the middle of the night due to aforementioned processing.) This was no small task because she has over 4,000 of them at the time of this posting. I would characterize her posts as thoughtful, earnest, and intelligent. Oh yeah… and voluminous, but that’s OK. I write voluminously, too.
And, I’ve been checking out her pictures, too. I loved looking at her pictures. For the record, I wanted to say that Fidelia is a very beautiful woman with stunning, highly communicative eyes.
Also, I respect her commitment to “live her life in service.” (This is an old Southernism that you still hear in my neck of the woods.) She’s a moderator on this forum. (I have no idea how this works, but my guess is that this is a formal time commitment.) And, she is a French teacher. Helping others is an important value to me, too, which is why I try to serve my community through volunteer work.
So in keeping with this sentiment, I’m temporarily changing my avatar picture to my real picture. So you guys can also see what I look like. Note that I used Photoshop to remove the horns and pitchfork.
I absolutely hate confrontation and it stresses me out. But I’ve also learned that confrontation can be a positive thing. (Thank you INTJ mother and ENTP father… from whence I got my k*ickass Te.)
So while I find any sort of confrontational overtones on this thread personally distressing, it’s also true that I’ve learned a lot from the confrontation on this thread… and judging from the amount of processing I still have to do, I’m going to learn a lot more.
A lot of talk on this thread has been about the differences between Fe and Fi. But my intuition tells me that's only a small part of the story. I’ve never seen it thoroughly discussed on this forum, but I think that ENFPs with strong Te and INFJs with strong Ti tend to rub each other the wrong way. I’m not sure exactly what’s going on here, but my gut tells me that these INFJ/ENFP tertiary functions are feeding this miscommunication…. Because it is obvious to me that we have a whole bunch of good, smart, well-intentioned people on this thread talking right past each other.
ENFP — Ne > Fi > Te > Si
INFJ — Ni > Fe > Ti > Se
Seems like both INFJs and ENFPs use their tertiary Thinking function to protect themselves when they perceive their auxiliary Feeling function is threatened. But the form of this “protection” is very different in all the ways that Te and Ti are different. Look at these two descriptions from CognitiveProcesses.com:
Extraverted Thinking (Te) – ENFP’s Tertiary Function
Contingency planning, scheduling, and quantifying utilize the process of extraverted Thinking. Extraverted Thinking helps us organize our environment and ideas through charts, tables, graphs, flow charts, outlines, and so on. At its most sophisticated, this process is about organizing and monitoring people and things to work efficiently and productively. Empirical thinking is at the core of extraverted Thinking when we challenge someone’s ideas based on the logic of the facts in front of us or lay out reasonable explanations for decisions or conclusions made, often trying to establish order in someone else’s thought process. In written or verbal communication, extraverted Thinking helps us easily follow someone else’s logic, sequence, or organization. It also helps us notice when something is missing, like when someone says he or she is going to talk about four topics and talks about only three. In general, it allows us to compartmentalize many aspects of our lives so we can do what is necessary to accomplish our objectives.
(Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that I completely cracked up when I read the part that talked about how Te is involved in organizing information very much in the way that I try to organize my longer posts so they are logical and sequential including bullet points and interstitials. Damn it. I feel like such a prisoner of my genetic fate sometimes.)
Introverted Thinking (Ti) – INFJ’s Tertiary Function
Using introverted Thinking is like having an internal sense of the essential qualities of something, noticing the fine distinctions that make it what it is and then naming it. It also involves an internal reasoning process of deriving subcategories of classes and sub-principles of general principles. These can then be used in problem solving, analysis, and refining of a product or an idea. This process is evidenced in behaviors like taking things or ideas apart to figure out how they work. The analysis involves looking at different sides of an issue and seeing where there is inconsistency. In so doing, we search for a “leverage point” that will fix problems with the least amount of effort or damage to the system. We engage in this process when we notice logical inconsistencies between statements and frameworks, using a model to evaluate the likely accuracy of what’s observed.
OK, I’ve got to get back to my IRL activities. But before I go, I wanted to share one of my favorite quotes that I hope Fidelia will appreciate. (Because it is a renowned French quote. I first learned French when I lived in France for several years in my youth.) I think it speaks to my worldview, and somehow applies to this thread. Maybe it explains in ways that I am unable, my shameless, forthright style of writing:
"Il faut toujours jouer AVEC et non pas SELON les règles parce qu'une vie sans danger ce n'est pas une vie." (One must always play WITH the rules and not BY the rules, because a life without danger is not a life at all.) – Nancy Huston from Lignes de Faille