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[INFJ] Common INFJ issues

G

garbage

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Which makes me feel like you want me to assume more of the risk. Is that true?

I really don't feel qualified to answer anything from an "INFJ perspective," and I'm mostly taking your question out of the context of the discussion that it was a part of. but uh I'm doing this anyway

I'm going to go ahead and say that some people do want others to assume more of the risk. I'm kind of one of them, but I've been stepping out of my comfort zone over the past few years so that I can take care of my share of the responsibility for socialization. I have noticed that, overall, I tend to wait to gauge the overall atmosphere of a situation before I chime in. Once that's done, I have no problem 'steering' things in some given direction when needed.

It seems that a given level of socialization and personal discussion is "less risky" for some and "more risky" for others. Some people seem to give off the vibe that socialization isn't a huge risk for them--that they're content to just chat it up with many people, sharing a plethora of information about themselves without batting an eye. To an extent, that's pretty commendable.

Some people are just much more comfortable taking the initiative in that respect than others are. Some of the underlying factors could include anxiety or not wanting to offend others. There are more positive motivations for that mindset out there, though.


I think that, sometimes, it's a matter of incremental, small risks. You share just a little bit, then I reciprocate, then you know that you can trust me a bit and share a bit more, and so on and so forth until we get to know each other.

I understand how difficult that 'initial push' can be--not that it's an insurmountable challenge, by any means. But some have an easier time with it than others do. Moreover, if I don't reciprocate, then you'll feel at least slightly cheated. So I suppose, at that point, you'll have a choice--either continue, or don't. Both of those choices are understandable. If someone gets 'burned' too often along those lines by putting it all out there, then perhaps not sharing everything all at once is the key.

There are reasons to not put it all out there or to reciprocate when another person does. If the context is 'off' (e.g. at a 'cliquish' workplace), then, well, sometimes it's best to truncate the depth of a particular conversation at some acceptable level.
 

amazingdatagirl

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Ni focuses on the internal workings of that which is observed, and becomes very knowledgeable of its processes, of how it works. When a similar thing is encountered (e.g., another human being), that knowledge is applied to be able to make predictions, to "magically know things."

Great insight on Ni vs. Ne. I have a life long love affair with Ni. Academically, my intuition expressed itself as a talent for very specific areas of mathematics. Calculus and calculus-based applications were always a struggle (not really sure how I passed DiffEq). Always had a preference for discrete mathematics and number theory.

Professionally, I feed my Ni-addiction with database systems. Too geeky to explain but I feel like I am looking into a crystal ball when I analyze the inter-play of various processes on the server. There is also a human element to the job ("Nick is looking at HR data. WTF is he doing?")

I always test as a functional INTJ but my personality simply does not fit. Am too much of a weepy, stalker girl to claim my place among the Masterminds.
 

uumlau

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Great insight on Ni vs. Ne. I have a life long love affair with Ni. Academically, my intuition expressed itself as a talent for very specific areas of mathematics. Calculus and calculus-based applications were always a struggle (not really sure how I passed DiffEq). Always had a preference for discrete mathematics and number theory.

Professionally, I feed my Ni-addiction with database systems. Too geeky to explain but I feel like I am looking into a crystal ball when I analyze the inter-play of various processes on the server. There is also a human element to the job ("Nick is looking at HR data. WTF is he doing?")

I always test as a functional INTJ but my personality simply does not fit. Am too much of a weepy, stalker girl to claim my place among the Masterminds.

Heheheh, the way you put it you may well be INTJ, since you seem more interested in objective processes (databases, math, etc.) than people processes, based on what you've said so far.

There are plenty of "emo" INTJs in the world. The F processes aren't concerned with your degree of feeling emotions, but rather how you handle them. If you strive to create and maintain connections with people, if you find yourself mostly thinking about how people interact, and perhaps have a good deal of skill at dealing with people in general, that would be closer to an Fe process and thus INFJ. If you have strong emotions that you're not sure how to express to other people, that is more likely the tertiary Fi of an INTJ.

Of course, your own self-knowledge is the best way to determine what type you are and what functions you favor: I'm just presenting the possibilities I see based on your (rather short) post here. :)

As for not feeling quite like a "Mastermind," that's normal for INTJs, actually. Usually we're just doing what's obvious to us, or "winging it" with alacrity: it doesn't "feel like" being a mastermind. It's others who perceive INTJs as being masterminds, in general.
 

amazingdatagirl

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Heheheh, the way you put it you may well be INTJ, since you seem more interested in objective processes (databases, math, etc.) than people processes, based on what you've said so far.
Good try. My Fe was severely messed up with an abusive childhood. I made a conscious decision to stop reaching out purely as a means of self-preservation. Academic achievement (especially in mathematics) is a great way for an affection starved INFJ to win approval.

The online tests mostly type me as INTJ (with borderline T - closer to 50%).
 

Random Ness

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However You bringing up my very personal issues of any unresolved feelings concerning an INFJ in my life IS very personal, and it crosses a line. How very rude of you to assume such.

You're not exactly sensitive yourself:

You can spin it and justify it all you want. INFJs tend to have a very one way view of humanity.
...
All this talk of insight and Fe and it's astounding how little you understand people sometimes.
...
And it illustrates my point about INFJs not having a fucking clue about people sometimes..

And heaven forbid, if they don't follow the 19 rules of approaching an INFJ when presenting criticism.

And heaven forbid someone not following your rules when presenting you with criticism? :/


If you're going to use semi-offensive language to someone, don't expect anything different back please. :/
 

Fidelia

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Yeah, me and Arclight are cool now. (And I think he's generally feeling happier these days too, no, my friend?)
 

Arclight

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You're not exactly sensitive yourself:





And heaven forbid someone not following your rules when presenting you with criticism? :/


If you're going to use semi-offensive language to someone, don't expect anything different back please. :/

Thank you for your input and ideas

Regards

Yeah, me and Arclight are cool now. (And I think he's generally feeling happier these days too, no, my friend?)

Yeah I am doing a bit better, Thank you :).. and we were cool then too right? I never lost my affection for you.. being upset does not cancel out the positives.

It's easy once you realize everyone is fighting some sort of battle.
 

Lily flower

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I read a lot about how INFJ's don't like to share personal information, but I have always had the opposite reaction. I tend to overshare everything. Whatever is personal and on my mind comes right off my tongue. I always get comments about this, similar to, "I've always thought that but never been brave enough to share." Do any other INFJ's have the oversharing problem?
 

cafe

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I read a lot about how INFJ's don't like to share personal information, but I have always had the opposite reaction. I tend to overshare everything. Whatever is personal and on my mind comes right off my tongue. I always get comments about this, similar to, "I've always thought that but never been brave enough to share." Do any other INFJ's have the oversharing problem?
I do sometimes. A lot of times, though, what I consider personal and what others consider personally just aren't the same things.
 

Fidelia

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I think that's the case with me too.* I wouldn't call it oversharing, as I am rather private about certain things, especially that would make others feel uncomfortable.* However, I have no hesitation to share my past experiences with other people (within the bounds of being appropriate of course) as long as the difficult part is over and done with.* I think sometimes it ends up giving people a false sense of how close we are simply because I don't any longer see those things as being especially personal.* I've learned from them and gone on and they are there if they are helpful to anyone else, or they are a part of my story, and no big deal if other people know a little bit about.
 

Arclight

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It is on the very first page, though.

I am well aware where it's located.

It's very long thread full of much information and idea sharing..and even some rather tense moments.

I am not sure what your point would be to fixating on few words between people that you most likely have no idea about , what their relationship is and what kind of bumps it has encountered.

If I didn't know any better I would think you were trying to start with me.
But I know better , right?

Regards
 

Coco

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I know one INFJ (ok 2 but the other doesnt count) and she is one of the better & stronger (not faster tough) people I know! I'd explain more, but i dunno how lol. xD
 

Nonsensical

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Random Ness

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I am well aware where it's located.

It's very long thread full of much information and idea sharing..and even some rather tense moments.

I am not sure what your point would be to fixating on few words between people that you most likely have no idea about , what their relationship is and what kind of bumps it has encountered.

If I didn't know any better I would think you were trying to start with me.
But I know better , right?

Regards

I usually don't reply to posts on the first page of a long thread unless I see something like the offenses in your first posts. My intention was, either you still thought that way and I wasn't going to sit back and say nothing, or things had already been cleared up and I would be told so. The second happened. So let's let it go now.

Also, I was commenting on your posts toward the type INFJ in general. Not about the relationship between you and the OP if that's what you thought I was commenting on.
 

Arclight

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I usually don't reply to posts on the first page of a long thread unless I see something like the offenses in your first posts. My intention was, either you still thought that way and I wasn't going to sit back and say nothing, or things had already been cleared up and I would be told so. The second happened. So let's let it go now.

Also, I was commenting on your posts toward the type INFJ in general. Not about the relationship between you and the OP if that's what you thought I was commenting on.

OK.. I still feel that way let's say then.. so why don't you give me your best shot.. Then you can feel like you have fought the good fight in the name of 4 stupid letters and that your integrity wasn't challenged and is still intact.

Or you can look at yourself and ask why some posts by a person you know ZERO about have affected you the point of feeling the need to defend yourself by being offensive.. Because let's face it.. you think you can actually put me in trial and judge me here. But you can't.. because ultimately I don't care what you think.

I hope you are having a lovely Friday night..
Try not to take things too seriously.

Regards
 

Random Ness

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OK.. I still feel that way let's say then.. so why don't you give me your best shot.. Then you can feel like you have fought the good fight in the name of 4 stupid letters and that your integrity wasn't challenged and is still intact.

Or you can look at yourself and ask why some posts by a person you know ZERO about have affected you the point of feeling the need to defend yourself by being offensive.. Because let's face it.. you think you can actually put me in trial and judge me here. But you can't.. because ultimately I don't care what you think.

You still don't know what exactly I wanted to comment about on your first and second page posts, so you're making assumptions. Since the OP said the situation is resolved (?) I'm not going to discuss those posts any further.
 

Arclight

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You still don't know what exactly I wanted to comment about on your first and second page posts, so you're making assumptions. Since the OP said the situation is resolved (?) I'm not going to discuss those posts any further.

What do you mean? I speak and read English and I am aware of the definition of words and the contexts they are used in. I think what you wanted to comment about is quite implied.

You said

"You're not exactly sensitive yourself" "And heaven forbid someone not following your rules when presenting you with criticism? :/"

'If you're going to use semi-offensive language to someone, don't expect anything different back please. :/"

It's the Pot calling the kettle black

What's to not understand about it.?

It's actually my point. INFJs tend to not like criticism and tend to blame the messenger or medium rather than listen to the message.
I feel this way despite my very warm and loving feelings towards some INFJs.
Yes, that means I love people despite their flaws. I will confront the things that threaten the relationship. I will be honest even if it hurts.
Its Fe at it's finest, my dear. It's also Counter-phobic Type 6..
Should be right up your alley. no?
 

Random Ness

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What do you mean?

I had more things to say, genius. I feel it is not neccessary to say them anymore, so I won't, so you can stop assuming you know all about my intentions and messages.


And no, I obviously don't feel the need to edit offensive language out of my posts anymore.
 

Arclight

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I had more things to say, genius. I feel it is not neccessary to say them anymore, so I won't, so you can stop assuming you know all about my intentions and messages.


And no, I obviously don't feel the need to edit offensive language out of my posts anymore.

I have posted a Mirror for your convenience.. I suggest you go take a good long look in it.
especially if you are going to start talking about assumptions and intentions..

I will also advise you, to next time mind your own business or read the whole thread before you go on a tirade against someone you don't know.
Foot in mouth disease can be cured. It always starts with you.

Regards

Chippendale-Mirror-5890.jpg
 
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