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Thread: Common INFJ issues

  1. #191
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peguy View Post
    Has the issue of difficulty managing time and energy been brought up already?

    Nope. Would you care to say a little on that? Being a social first, I don't seem to find the same things exactly, although I do get drained with too much constant contact without any time to think. I'm not as private as a lot of INFJs either in some regards.

  2. #192
    Magical Array BlackCat's Avatar
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    I wish that there was a thread this thorough on all of the types.
    () 9w8-3w2-7w6 tritype.

    RCueI (primary Inquisition)

  3. #193
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Me too!

  4. #194
    Immanentize the Eschaton Array Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    The thing is, you're not an INFJ, you haven't taken the time to truly understand where we're coming from, yet insist that you know what is best for us to do. Not only that, this thread wasn't started as a "How Can I As An INFJ Get Along Better With ENFPs". It was started as a window into our way of thinking to see if we can better untangle why/when misunderstandings occur or what we as INFJs all identify with and what we've done/are doing about it. I am open to people's advice, but only if I have solicited it and feel that they are qualified to give it to me. You have chosen to come to an INFJ discussion thread. Even though you are welcome to contribute, you are a guest, just as I would be on a discussion thread about why ENFPs think as they do.

    Unless you go back and address the concerns we have as valid or we figure out where the misunderstanding happens, you will find that INFJs will continue to resist you or the points you are making steadfastly, even if there is something useful in them. By ignoring those points of contention or dismissing them as invalid (as you did in the Doorslam thread as well), you are ensuring that you will not be heard and will further contribute to the negative impression that INFJs may already have. Every little bit of difference will grate against us and annoy, where it would not normally in nearly the same way. When you go back and sort those things out, you will find that INFJs are surprisingly more receptive, polite and will overlook misunderstandings much more easily.

    No matter what your opinion is of this phenomenon, it's how we work and I doubt that you will see everyone switch their way of perceiving things or change completely just because you think it's a better way. You are more than welcome to bring up, "But what about x?", but ignoring the elephant in the room will ensure extreme bluntness that is uncharacteristic of us. The previous examples of non-private directness, outright disagreement without looking for common ground or specific examples of what was wrong are usually very good warning signals from an INFJ. If pushed further, they will no longer filter what they are thinking and will not take the wide audience involved into account in the way they would if you noticed those signals and backed off in your approach.
    Wow. I can't even speak to this yet because I am so blown away. But from where I stand...this is so sad.

    I have read the Wench's posts. She is pushy, bold, in-your-face...and apparently didn't read the 'if you are not an INFJ commenting on a thread started by an INFJ you damn well better behave like a guest (?)' rule.

    But she has a lot of integrity...and I appreciate that.

    One of the things that brought me to typology is that I felt the people were so evolved here. I felt like this was a place where we didn't have to 'use the formal living room' but could let it all hang out. I hope I feel differently tomorrow (which of course I will be forever the person in this post...but I still hope to feel differently).
    Last edited by Starry; 07-21-2010 at 12:40 AM. Reason: so shaken i can't spell or type

  5. #195
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    You can only let it all hang out once you have some positive history and some time spent with the people you are discussing things with (at least in my experience, and I suspect, other INFJs' as well). In real life you don't start making over your acquaintances (who already have a poor first impression) and telling them how to behave without expecting that they will react negatively. Telling them then that their problem is their perception would not win the person over to your way of thinking. Just because this is an internet forum and the medium is written rather than verbal communication doesn't change how you go about approaching people if you want a positive result. I am almost never this direct with someone, but there were already previous discussions about these issues which were completely ignored and left unaddressed while Esoteric persisted in the very behaviour that was getting her into trouble in the first place. That's a sure way to raise hackles.

    Actually, this problem is interesting. I've noticed it elsewhere on the forum and in real life too. I think it might be a Fe/Fi difference. My theory is that Fe needs the initial problem to be acknowledged and worked out before it can go on. Fi is more likely to take note that there was a problem, but prefer not to hash it out together. I've tried to go back and fix things with Fi people that I've had misunderstandings with and found that it only made things worse. Whereas for me, I cannot start fresh with them unless I think that they have understood what went wrong and we've worked out how to prevent it. Fe seems to be more about prevention, whereas Fi seems more about reactive as things come up. Does this sound accurate to the rest of you? EJCC was just talking about something similar being a source of misunderstanding. I don't know if Fe/Fi is the key, but I think it might be. Seems to hold true for my ISTJ dad. Kind of that what's done is done and there's no point talking about it.

  6. #196
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Nope. Would you care to say a little on that? Being a social first, I don't seem to find the same things exactly, although I do get drained with too much constant contact without any time to think. I'm not as private as a lot of INFJs either in some regards.
    Well I'm self-preservation first, and I'm constantly battling over my own private space. Well concerning management difficulties, I often struggle to get stuff done with any regularity. Too often this means unintentionally waiting til the last minute to complete tasks or work. Forgive me I'm having difficulty explaining this.

  7. #197
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    I'm a procrastinator too. I wonder if it is for different reasons or not...

    Can you expand on what you mean by battling over your own private space? Having quiet office space to work in so that you can think and get what you need to do done? Or not having people invade your alone time or personal space?

  8. #198
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    Both really. I need a great amount of silence in order to think and be to work for a significant period of time, not to mention recharge myself after a hard day. It's difficult to come by with the people I often have to associate with. They'll interrupt or invade my space for any random reason, or they'll have to chit-chat (loudly) with others right by my work area. Enough to drive me insane. :steam:

  9. #199
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    I think this might be an sp thing. What about you other INFJs?

  10. #200
    Senior Member Array Keps Mnemnosyne's Avatar
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    In succinctness:

    Lengthiness:
    Yes, but there is also the chance that we are committing the same mistakes that were discussed earlier and we don't realize it. And in a way we are telling them how to behave as well. Perhaps asking what would help FPs communicate, might help? We have that Fe wants similarities before differences in conversations, what does Fi want? Is it possible to have both in this conversation?
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