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Thread: Common INFJ issues

  1. #11
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Some types seem to more easily just take people as they come than expect they should be a certain way.

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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Alright then, I will not paraphrase you. I will express that INFJs do often see there being a Right way of doing things. However, I will not concur that I think the majority of those tendancies are character flaws. (I would term the extensive list of my own problems as character flaws though). They are a different way of viewing the world. I've finally accepted the fact that there are other equally frustrating things about other types that are part of the package that makes up who they are.
    May I be as so bold to paraphrase you.?
    INFJs do often see there being a Right way of doing things.
    That is just a spin on " INFJs often believe they are always right"

  3. #13
    Senior Member Array Tiltyred's Avatar
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    It's hard, isn't it? Because you would think it would be obvious that you don't go making out with your friends' exes. But to other people, it's not obvious at all, and to others still, it's not even an issue. It's very surprising as you go along that things you believe are sort of common sense are not commonly held values. It's hard to sit still while they happen. I tend to vote with my feet in those cases. If I really can't take it, I just decrease contact until I disappear from that person.

    Sometimes people are full of shit, though, too, Fidelia. I just had someone say to me, "Well I accept people for who they are!" which hit me so hard I couldn't hear the rest of what he had to say -- but then I reviewed the past few days with him and he surely did not accept me for who I was. I was corrected several times. So where was this acceptance?

    It's not a bad thing to have standards.

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    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    May I be as so bold to paraphrase you.?


    That is just a spin on " INFJs often believe they are always right"
    To me, this does not come off as a discussion of what seems like a valid point and what doesn't. I realize that there are unresolved issues between you and an INFJ, that are at the heart of your statements, and that you happen to be well-disposed towards a number of INFJs. Although you say you don't mean any of what you have said to be personal, the way you are stating your case leaves that impression.

  5. #15

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    Ones I can relate to a lot or most of the time: 1,2,3,4,6,7,8,9,11,12, 13, 14, 16,18 and 19.

    5: I do tend to hold people to high standards, but I do not see a great deal of disparity in the "level" between those close to me and those who are not.

    10:I would not necessarily say that I hate being in control of my emotions, what is important I think is always being in control of one's self. You may not be always able to control how you feel, but sometimes you can still choose how you react to your own emotions. That being said, sometimes when I am hurt, I can end up being what others may peg as "overly emotional".

    15:It really depends. There are times when I notice certain minor details in the environment that some sensors tend to not notice. I am bit of a mysophobe. So when it comes to food, utensils, or my environment I can be nit picky.

    20: Not too sure about this one.

    22:I tend to do this as well. I am very conflict averse and so tend to hide when I disagree with someone close to me. I try my best to tactfully or subtly work my disagreement in. I tend to use questions that encourage someone to look at something another way and then "guide" them instead of overtly stating disagreement
    The MBTI is a tool to help you on your self discovery. It nor any other the label can ever hope to describe you, because you are are unique and special, we all are. Any comments made regarding a group of people should be considered to be general and not ubiquitous; and no one should lose of sight of that. . Do not stereotype other people or yourself for that matter, but generalise if you must when a general example or pattern is required. And if you took the time to read this thank you

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    To me, this does not come off as a discussion of what seems like a valid point and what doesn't. I realize that there are unresolved issues between you and an INFJ, that are at the heart of your statements, and that you happen to be well-disposed towards a number of INFJs. Although you say you don't mean any of what you have said to be personal, the way you are stating your case leaves that impression.
    It's a criticism of group you belong to. So that might explain the impression you have. I stated my motivations and they remain on topic with a thread titled " Common INFJ Issues" I am not being personal in any way.

    However You bringing up my very personal issues of any unresolved feelings concerning an INFJ in my life IS very personal, and it crosses a line. And it illustrates my point about INFJs not having a fucking clue about people sometimes.. How very rude of you to assume such.
    Are you getting tripped up here by Fi? I don't know.

    Regards!

  7. #17
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ConstantlyImagining View Post

    5: I do tend to hold people to high standards, but I do not see a great deal of disparity in the "level" between those close to me and those who are not.
    Hmm, yeah - it's not so much that I hold people to different standards, but I would tend to just distance myself from a casual acquaintance or limit my level of contact, whereas with someone closer I would probably bring up the issue, even if it's not an absolute deal breaker about whether I will remain friends with them or not. I care more about that person, and so I am more willing to deal with the possibility of conflict with them.

    Oh! I thought of another thing - I often do not express opinions, make statements etc to someone until I am very sure of what their reaction is likely to be (exception is these boards, obviously!). It doesn't even necessarily have to be a positive reaction, but I would like to weigh the consequences if it is a negative one. Guess it goes along with the hating emotional surprises thing.

    Oh yeah, and I don't know most of the time what to make of Fi, despite being close to a lot of Fi users. There are just a lot more shades of emotional colour than I generally am used to using. What looks like red to me is really a very specific shade of red that means something quite different than another shade of red and therefore can be rather offensive. I probably am like that about Ti - picky about wording of things to express a thought precisely.

  8. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Hmm, yeah - it's not so much that I hold people to different standards, but I would tend to just distance myself from a casual acquaintance or limit my level of contact, whereas with someone closer I would probably bring up the issue, even if it's not an absolute deal breaker about whether I will remain friends with them or not. I care more about that person, and so I am more willing to deal with the possibility of conflict with them.

    Oh! I thought of another thing - I often do not express opinions, make statements etc to someone until I am very sure of what their reaction is likely to be (exception is these boards, obviously!). It doesn't even necessarily have to be a positive reaction, but I would like to weigh the consequences if it is a negative one. Guess it goes along with the hating emotional surprises thing.
    I suppose item 5 on your last can apply to me after all I suppose. I do tend to analyse what I going to say great deal. Sometimes it can be debilitating though. When I anticipate a negative reaction I usually tend to just remain quiet. Sometimes, something someone does can irk me or hurt my feelings but I tend to refrain from notifying said people. Also I like to accommodate people's sensitivities as much as possible so I ruminate over all the possible denotational and connotation meanings of what I am saying. For example saying that someone's actions were "not very wise" as opposed to saying, "stupid" can alter how someone can interpret what you are saying. I have my own brand of political correctness. I tend to also alter quotes to be in coherence with my construct of political correctness.

    Also with regards to Te, I notice that I tend to "freeze"; it also happens when I feel as though the conversation or interaction is seeded with hostility. I can have much more to say, an argument to counter theirs, but if they are projecting an aggressive vibe I tend to keep it to myself. Then when I am alone, I play out the discussion in my head. The thing is I may have a tendency to use a less harsh version of the Socratic method- I do not like it when I see people's beliefs are inconsistent. The problem with that is that it can invoke a great deal of anger and sometimes may come across as "showing up" someone when all I want to do is show someone a different way of seeing things
    The MBTI is a tool to help you on your self discovery. It nor any other the label can ever hope to describe you, because you are are unique and special, we all are. Any comments made regarding a group of people should be considered to be general and not ubiquitous; and no one should lose of sight of that. . Do not stereotype other people or yourself for that matter, but generalise if you must when a general example or pattern is required. And if you took the time to read this thank you

  9. #19
    にゃん Array runvardh's Avatar
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    I've only had to deal with one pulling the "do something odd then run away embarrassed" thing. It sucks, and I did like her, but I chalk it up to shit happens.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.


  10. #20
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Yep, all of that strikes a chord with me!

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