I can't speak for all INFJs, but I could give it a stab. Let me ruminate for a bit and I'll get back to you on that.
Off the very top of my head:
- We are best led by you commenting on what we did well or what you liked (praise of some sort).
- We seem to care a lot about how precisely the idea in your thoughts is expressed (shades of meaning in words etc).
- We'll need time to process it and then discuss it again with you.
- We may seem to reject your analysis at first and but often will think about what we reacted to and why, or will take some time to restructure things in our heads, or will want to clarify further.
- It matters incredibly that you hear us out and that we feel understood properly before you offer any opinions. This bleeds off extra emotion, clarifies and distills our own thoughts, gives us a chance to show what we have thought of or tried or what our intentions were/beliefs are etc. It will give you a lot more clues to work with and will help you avoid unnecessary landmines. Then you will not be dealing with an INFJ distracted from the point you are making by their own emotional noise (whether induced initially by the situation, or by your response afterwards).
- There also needs to be a track record of you consistently holding the same opinion and it being reliable if we are going to turn ourselves inside out like that.
- We are very impacted by how others view us, more than Fi users. This isn't because we don't have our own values. It's just that others' mirroring impacts our sense of how we fit into the larger picture and of whether what we are putting out there is being perceived correctly. Sometimes we will reject your opinion if it seems that you mirror back something completely different than we send out because we feel like you don't really understand us. Over time, with someone close to us though we may accept their opinion of us as truth even if it isn't accurate or is affected by their own insecurities. If it is accurate and it is negative, we will feel accutely embarrassed even in thought, let alone with someone observing or commenting on our reactions. Give us some space to ruminate and make it clear that you are only rejecting that behaviour, but not us.
- Usually it is better to start from the common ground you have with us, rather than pointing out the differences directly. Then, without saying "You need to", use lots of qualifiers (like we do) and say, "Have you ever thought about..." or "I need your help solving this problem..." This solicits a good intention and avoids getting our hackles up. Give specific examples of where you think something is not working well for us and what you see could be the solution. Then give us time to think it over and be prepared for more discussion.
- Don't say things while you are angry. If you feel this coming on, leave! It will create a lot of extra emotional noise for both the INFJ and then you to wade through before you can get back to the issue at hand. Also be careful about assuming that you know the INFJs motivations or intentions.
- Fe may feel really manipulative to you, but it really honestly not calculated, thought out or conniving to us. It makes us aware of the interconnections between people so we don't offend without meaning to as easily, and also gives a map for social interaction so that we and other Fe users anyway will not be distracted from your message. It may feel unnatural to use Fe, but it is necessarily to at least learn some scripting of it if you want us to be open to what you have to say, particularly if it is dicey.
This is hodge-podgy and in no particular order. I will think it over more and distill it down to something more useable.