Thread: Common INFJ issues
07-20-2010, 07:20 AM #151Female
Enneagram 6w5 sp/sx
07-20-2010, 08:05 AM #152
07-20-2010, 08:40 AM #153
Fidelia I forgot once I did have a run in with an INFJ long, long ago. I was about 21 and she and I were close friends. At that age I seemed to be compelled to debate and argue everything, so I would pick a lot at her religious values as she was a very conservative fundamentalist christian. I wanted to have a back or forth discussion/defense of the topic. In retrospect it was horrifically rude of me, but she was very kind and seemed to tolerate me well. It took a bit of maturity on my part to recognize how poorly this reflected on me-perhaps Fi growing in a bit.
Since then all of my INFJs have had very different religious and political leanings than me, but it is very obvious it isnt a topic to debate. I suppose I treat those aspects as Fi values-thus I never question them, assuming they are not open for discussion. Instinctually-kinda like hugging them-I recognize it is off limits unless invited..
07-20-2010, 11:16 AM #154
After three minutes, that seems weird, but I think we do it because we wouldn't mention anything that we weren't open (or wishing) to being prodded to talk about and so assume the same for others. I feel like I'm just actually making the other person feel good by asking them more if they brought up the subject. A lot of INFPs especially seem relieved to do so, although I would have thought that they'd be private enough it might seem invasive.
LOL at the debating INFJs. Yeah, that doesn't go over well, even if they have good reasons for their convinctions and are open to talking about them. They just do better starting from common ground and gradually branching off, then the opposite direction.
07-20-2010, 12:39 PM #155"What's Taters, Precious?" --- Gollum.
"Bring your pretty face, to my axe". --- Gimly.
07-20-2010, 02:01 PM #156
07-20-2010, 02:04 PM #157
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
It seems my post and your response have had an effect on people.
I am glad our struggles and connections can inspire,teach and move others.
I find your post fascinating as well as touching.
This whole thread has me in knots.
I am stuck in the middle. I do see me and my partners as two separate entities, but also as one.
You simply cannot love me or be loved by me if there isn't some sort of merge.
But can connection be 100% "on" all the time? As INFJs you must understand the need for individuality, time out and inner workings and landscapes that are yours and yours alone?
If it is important to "us", then you are a part of it already. You are not kept out of the loop for any reason other than you should not be burdened by our demons.
If the INFJ tries to get those demons to the surface, as mine did. literally, all hell breaks loose.
I guess my INFJ tried to force the issue. I myself was unaware how not a good idea that was.
You can't save us. You can't change us. Ok well part of that is wrong. You have already saved us by loving us and by loving us you have already changed us.
But to encourage us to battle our demons when we are not ready to battle them will have detrimental effects.
You plant a seed and a flower grows. If once it starts sprouting, you pull on it trying to make it bloom faster, you simply pull a premature bud from it's grounding and it dies.
So I guess what I am saying is. You see a blue light.. and that to you is what you want us to be. But the merge will create it's own unique color that is ONLY ours. While you strive to keep everything in the Blue , we are left wondering why you are not seeing how remarkably beautiful this unique color is and why its forsaken for something more common.
You want me to be happy, I want US to be happy. our happiness is US, and its beam is independent from all other beams, and to try and make it a color it's not, is how you break the connection you so desperately want.
It seems to me it's 2 people who very much want the same thing.. but come at it from different directions. where one pulls the other pushes and likewise.
This is where I get lost.
07-20-2010, 02:40 PM #158
I have observed the transforming power of love for INFPs, as well as the fact that you can't force them to deal with issues before they are ready to. They seem to need to cocoon and then tear everything down to ground level and rebuild. Because they don't express a lot of what is going on internally, it is hard for the INFJ to watch them remain stuck and they are compelled to offer suggestions or even try to use force to mobilize them (not realizing how much thought the INFP has already put into the solution). This doesn't work well for either party. INFPs feels condemned, misunderstood, only loved if they do what the INFJ expects. The INFJ feels pushed away, mistrusted, and far apart from the intimacy they crave.
Unfortunately, in the meantime, life is going on. Whether the INFP needs time to rebuild or not, decisions are being made (even by the lack of decisions being made), children are growing up, someone needs to earn a living, people have to decide where the relationship is going and so on. Of course every couple blends to make their own unique shade, but when all the INFJ can see is a murky collection of colours with no beautiful shade emerging and no idea of when it may emerge, it's common for the INFJ to question the future.
07-20-2010, 02:45 PM #159
07-20-2010, 03:14 PM #160
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
You send them on their way with love, not bitterness. you do not rip their soul out and call it a fair trade off.
That is all.
Maybe you have never been an angry and vindictive INFJ Fid.. So maybe this seems odd to you.
[ENFP] Common ENFP issuesBy Amargith in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)Replies: 722Last Post: 03-16-2017, 04:22 PM
[INTJ] Common INTJ IssuesBy highlander in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)Replies: 309Last Post: 01-06-2017, 06:29 PM
[ENFJ] Common ENFJ IssuesBy Domino in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)Replies: 206Last Post: 01-03-2017, 03:22 PM
By Lenian in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)Replies: 2Last Post: 04-22-2016, 01:28 PM
By Lenian in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)Replies: 0Last Post: 01-31-2011, 05:16 PM