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Thread: Common INFJ issues

  1. #141
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    It's not shrinking away in fear...I assumed it was isolated cases of odd judgement about people (or at the very least, wildly different judgement than my own.)

  2. #142
    thankful Array PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Don't take that as me literally meaning you shrinking away in fear! You can use whatever word suits your fancy - disgust, animosity, contempt, disinterest - the point is that the same approach can often yield a unique, perhaps minimally predictable result.

    I guess in these situations, Fi is like the Ti function, taking in all the data, trying to make connections between it all; there are few broad brush strokes, mostly fine feathery ones ... people are so changeable and malleable.

    But over time, patterns emerge. This now becomes useful information and can be used like tools to aid further understanding. Or each user I suppose has their own agenda and makes what they will of this information, for good or evil ...
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  3. #143
    Professional Trickster Array Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Being hugged by someone who is not part of my most inner circle? Having my face touched by them? Spilling everything in response to someone glowing? Nope, I don't think INFJs would respond. I actually am surprised to find out that this is key in an INTJ responding differently (or other Fi users). I made the same assumption as you EW, except to the opposite way of thinking! What would it feel like though if a Fe user did it?
    Well, just to clarify, I would not invade someone's personal space like that... Fi or no Fi. But I might decide that I want to get to know someone better and then proceed to "buttonhole" them at my first opportunity.

    So buttonholing is a driving agenda for ENFPs... and I guess I wasn't really aware of this until just now when I wrote these words. In other words, a lot of ENFP behavior is driven by our genuine and sincere interest in understanding the people around us.

    I have several tools in my "buttonholing" arsenal, including:
    • Putting people at ease with my openness and willingness to self-disclose. (Self-deprecating humor is always a hit.)
    • Asking probing questions. And, because I read people so well, my questions usually cut straight to the chase. I'm not afraid to take conversational risks so this is a very "safe" approach for me.
    • Quickly making an emotional connection by searching around for a topic of conversation they are interested in, then honing in on this topic when I see them react.
    • Making them laugh with my zany humor. I'm unafraid to make an idiot of myself. (No comments from the peanut gallery, please.)


    Most importantly, I am unafraid to let the subject of my "buttonholing" activities know that I am interested in learning more about them, which I think freaks some people out.

    But why should I hide my interest? I feel it more ethical to be upfront about my interest. I wouldn't want to be surreptitious because this smacks of dishonesty and manipulation.

    So Fidelia and other INFJs, if I were to "buttonhole" you, how would this make you feel?
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  4. #144
    Happy Dancer Array uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Lots of interesting stuff to comment on. Re the colour thing - I think it says that INFJs and INFPs love people in very different ways and I'm not sure what the success rate of it would be if they got together, even understanding those differences. For me at least, I think I would always be left feeling unloved and constantly that any natural attempts to show love for my SO would be felt as intrusive and rude.
    To be more precise, I think we all feel love in very similar ways.

    We express love and expect its expression in surprisingly different ways (cf. The Five Love Languages).

    My Mom's INFJ love for me was no less deep or wonderful than my ENFP's love for me.

    Oh, and the surest way to wound your INTJ S.O. to the core is to tell him or her: "You don't really love me." (I've heard these words spoken to me, and I've heard other INTJ's mention their SOs saying similar things before breaking up.) The feelings of love are there and they are deeply felt. Only the expression differs from person to person.

  5. #145
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Well, just to clarify, I would not invade someone's personal space like that... Fi or no Fi. But I might decide that I want to get to know someone better and then proceed to "buttonhole" them at my first opportunity.

    So buttonholing is a driving agenda for ENFPs... and I guess I wasn't really aware of this until just now when I wrote these words. In other words, a lot of ENFP behavior is driven by our genuine and sincere interest in understanding the people around us.

    I have several tools in my "buttonholing" arsenal, including:
    • Putting people at ease with my openness and willingness to self-disclose. (Self-deprecating humor is always a hit.)
    • Asking probing questions. And, because I read people so well, my questions usually cut straight to the chase. I'm not afraid to take conversational risks so this is a very "safe" approach for me.
    • Quickly making an emotional connection by searching around for a topic of conversation they are interested in, then honing in on this topic when I see them react.
    • Making them laugh with my zany humor. I'm unafraid to make an idiot of myself. (No comments from the peanut gallery, please.)


    Most importantly, I am unafraid to let the subject of my "buttonholing" activities know that I am interested in learning more about them, which I think freaks some people out.

    But why should I hide my interest? I feel it more ethical to be upfront about my interest. I wouldn't want to be surreptitious because this smacks of dishonesty and manipulation.

    So Fidelia and other INFJs, if I were to "buttonhole" you, how would this make you feel?
    That would be just fine. I have had charming ENFP friends that do just that. The only problem is when they don't make clear whether they actually want to be close friends or whether it's just a passing phase. People could say the same though about INFJ sympathy, probing questions and receptivity.

  6. #146
    wants Mifune clone minion Array Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Okay, I have some responses pending- but I went to wiki just now, to look up "buttonholing", because I'm having trouble undertstanding exactly what Esoteric means. And anyway, I thought this was really funny and I feel the need to post it:

    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  7. #147
    Professional Trickster Array Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    Okay, I have some responses pending- but I went to wiki just now, to look up "buttonholing", because I'm having trouble undertstanding exactly what Esoteric means. And anyway, I thought this was really funny and I feel the need to post it:

    #1 - That is hysterical on many levels.... and probably in ways that Dominant Ns (which for those of you who don't know what this means, would include ENFPs and INFJs) would most appreciate. In sum, I completely cracked up when I read this.

    #2 - Z Buck McFate, aren't you the one immortalized on this very forum on another user's signature with some quote about a "Butt Touching free-for-all"? The scatological undertones of your posts are beginning to disturb me. Click here for an example of said immortalization.

    #3 - Buttonholing (which in the last 12 hours I've decided sounds disturbingly like cornh...<voice trails off>. Go back to #2 for more about this) is an Esoteric Wench-ism for whenever she decides she wants to learn more about someone. She buttonholes them.

    Buttonhole v.tr. To accost and detain (a person) in conversation by or as if by grasping the person's outer garments: "He was also frequently buttonholed by White House lobbyists . . . who seemed to be permanently assigned to shadow the burly Democrat" (Terence Moran). [probably alteration of button-hold.] - The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language

    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  8. #148
    Lay the coin on my tongue Array SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    Okay, I have some responses pending- but I went to wiki just now, to look up "buttonholing", because I'm having trouble undertstanding exactly what Esoteric means. And anyway, I thought this was really funny and I feel the need to post it:

    That's hilarious. The mind boggles. I know what "buttonholing" is but I now need to look up "butt shooting"...or do I?
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  9. #149
    Professional Trickster Array Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    That's hilarious. The mind boggles. I know what "buttonholing" is but I now need to look up "butt shooting"...or do I?
    What did one do before Wikipedia? I'm not going to saunter on down to my public library and look up butt shooting in The World Book... Or maybe I would.

    Butt shooting is a variety of archery where a person will shoot at wedge shaped turfs of earth. On the turfs small round plaster targets would be placed. Such targets were formerly mandated by statute in every parish in England for archers to practice on. - From Butt shooting - eNotes.com Reference

    Why do British games always have the most arcane nomenclature systems. Learning all the terms used in cricket is akin to studying the architectural details of a Gothic cathedral.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  10. #150
    wants Mifune clone minion Array Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Z Buck McFate, aren't you the one immortalized on this very forum on another user's signature with some quote about a "Butt Touching free-for-all"?
    I don't know about immortalized, but it was an honor. This thread needs Domino.

    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Butt shooting is a variety of archery where a person will shoot at wedge shaped turfs of earth. On the turfs small round plaster targets would be placed. Such targets were formerly mandated by statute in every parish in England for archers to practice on. - From Butt shooting - eNotes.com Reference
    I feel simultaneously relieved and disappointed.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

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