User Tag List

Page 10 of 66 FirstFirst ... 891011122060 ... LastLast
Results 91 to 100 of 660

Thread: Common INFJ issues

  1. #91
    wants Mifune clone minion Array Z Buck McFate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INfJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    3,132

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    ^100% relate to needing something to be true for more than one afternoon, otherwise I won't give it much credence or weight... I'm afraid I find it pointless to even bother *really* integrating an in-the-moment thing when it comes to certain people/personalities, because I figure/know (through experience) they're likely to drop it by the next day/week anyway and move onto something else.
    Sometimes ENP = !!!!!!!!!!!!


    edit: not that I think your comment attributed it to ENP, that was my doing.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  2. #92
    にゃん Array runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I'll have to mull this one over. Generally I hate collaborative projects of any sort and would prefer to think, consult, think consult as separate rather than simultaneous activities. The reason for this is that I need time in between to think about the new information I have received and decide how I feel about it. I have a hard time doing that on the spot and so then end up agreeing to something that I'm not happy with in the end. However, it is good to try different ideas out, so I'm not discounting this.
    Oh, I thought this was for a situation you wanted sorted out now, conclusion. Given the chance to think then come back would be much better.

    Yeah, I probably do too. The kind of roommates I'd be referring to would also be close friends. Otherwise, yeah they're in the co-worker, acquaintance friend, have to work around or with them in some way pile.
    I place roommates into a lower category of people I have to deal with unless they are a close friend in which case I'm more apt to think of them as a close friend first.


    This is very foreign to me. If this were a puzzle piece, you are saying to take the piece that someone hands you without looking too much at its shape and try putting it in the slot. If it doesn't fit, remove it. My natural instinct would be to sort the puzzle pieces according to edge pieces or colour/sections of puzzle. Then I'd look at all the sides of the hole and compare it to the piece I'd like to put in. If the one I thought should work doesn't and I don't see it anywhere else, I'd say to the person I'm working with, "Hey, do you see the piece that's supposed to fit here? It should be blue and orange, I think".
    I do sort puzzle pieces by shape and colour. If you asked me if I see something, I'll say if I see it or not, and if not I'll look more specifically for it. I wonder if our metaphors are telling each other different things, though.
    Last edited by fidelia; 07-17-2010 at 09:47 PM. Reason: Again editing a quote from me to be grammatically correct. Don't mind me.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.


  3. #93
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    9,347

    Default

    ESTJ discussion carried on in the Ask An ESTJ thread. Back to your scheduled programming, folks.

    Orabas brought up an interesting point in another thread that I had not considered before. She was saying that Fe users tend to interpret critical statements as being much harsher than they really are intended because they tend to soften their message for their hearer. Fi users tend to take things at face value because that's how they would write them, and they are surprised when Fe users extrapolate beyond the words that they said. Do you think that may be applicable in this thread? I probably took both EW's and Arclights statements as being harsher than they were really meant, but even when they said they weren't meant harshly, I still thought to myself that either it was a problem in how they communicated it, or they were backpedalling, which wasn't the case. Food for thought.

  4. #94
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    9,347

    Default

    By the way, I have probably dominated this way too much. Any other INFJs are welcome to jump in anytime you like.

  5. #95
    wants Mifune clone minion Array Z Buck McFate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INfJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    3,132

    Default

    I wanted to get back to what Arclight wrote, because- to be fair- I did see some truth in it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    I am talking about the INFJ tendency to make unilateral decisions that involve the feelings of others without any consultation or sharing of the decision making process. This is fine with loose friends or associates .. But with those close to you it says "I don't trust you" "I know better" "you are not my equal".. These behaviors will elicit the kind of response from people that send INFJs into defense mode.
    It's emotional cannibalism.
    I know what he’s talking about here. Yeah, we can do this. And I know how infuriating it can be to deal with. Someone I’d been best friends with for years pulled this on me. The first five years we knew each other were amazing, and to this day I haven’t gotten along with anyone as well as I got along with her back then. But after she moved away, it became apparent that she was misunderstanding things here & there- and she was neither willing to discuss nor clean any of it up. It kept slowly getting worse, and she kept refusing to talk about it for years. She’d get offended by something imagined, and when I’d ask about it she’d say, “It’s nothing. It’s just the way you are. It’s fine.”

    I finally pushed her into talking about it by giving her an ultimatum: she either tell me what I was doing that was supposedly so offensive or I wouldn’t want to deal with her anymore, because the friendship as it once existed was gone and we should either try to fix it or we should move on. Arclight is right about it being intolerable to love someone and get stuck on the shitty end of that “I don’t trust you” “I know you better” “you are not my equal” stick. So anyway- that’s when the magical thoughts of persecution reared their ugly head, and telling her she’d misunderstood anything was ‘treating her like she was stupid’.

    Here it is, the very best part, sometimes her argument was: “It’s like I’m autistic. I just *know* things about people and it always dead-on.” Seriously, she spoke those words to me aloud, on more than one occasion- and it was often the backbone of her argument. It was offensive to her that I questioned her *magic* ‘autistic’ spidey sense (the argument that autistic people actually have less aptitude to perfectly understand someone else's point of view was, apparently, beside the point). Any attempt to reason with her resulted in crying fits because I was trying to ‘bully’ her, which she was convinced I did because I wanted/needed attention; she never stopped to even consider I might actually have a valid point. She was so impervious to simple logic that it was astounding. I couldn’t believe this was the same person I’d gotten along with so well in years prior. She was really important to me, I really loved her, and so I put up with it for longer than I should have. But it got to the point where I’d be distracted for weeks because of something she “knew”, and I had to doorslam her.

    It’s already been completely discussed in other threads (maybe more than anything should ever be discussed, ever- but that’ll hardly dissuade us from bringing it up again at some point) that it’s really hard for INFJs (most of us) to know when to say something- which is the stuff that builds to the doorslam. And something tells me that *whatever* Arclight went through might be kind of similar to what my friend put me through: it’s a whole ‘nother level of doorslam, where the INFJ keeps the person around because they want to keep feeling loved by that person, but they trap the person in an unfair box with undeserved, hurtful attributes. And the longer it goes on, the more impermeable the ‘box’ gets. The hardest part of it is that they truly believe you don’t love/respect them if you don’t believe them (even though their beliefs are mistaken AND hurtful to you). It’s really twisted. I may be way off about Arc's experience being similar- all I know is the stuff he's posted here & there- it's just that the comments hit a familiar nerve to me.

    But fortunately- for all of humanity, really- this is not a common INFJ issue. I mean, the doorslam is an established common issue, but its sadistic ‘if you love me you’ll believe me and you’ll accept the box that demeans you’ cousin is not.

    As for the unilateral position “that involves the feelings of others without any consultation or sharing of the decision making process”; I think INFJs can get stuck there when they feel threatened. I’ve seen it in myself and the INFJs I know irl, it happens while we’re in the throes of being upset or panicking about something. We cling to a few things we trust are ‘the truth’ (or the closest thing to ‘the truth’ we know) and stick with it until things calm down and we can start shifting perspectives again. But I really don’t understand beyond that- how it gets to the point described above. I truly believed my friend would ‘come around’, if only because I always do. It might take a few hours or possibly up to a whole day, but- when the person is important to me, no matter how beefheadedly unilateral I get in the moment- I always calm down and realize how I was wrong about someone. So I really don’t understand what makes some people get stuck there for extended periods of time. I can only imagine it kind of feels like Hell though, because I only stay in unilateral mode for as long as I’m feeling unreasonably angry, panicky or insecure. Once I calm down, the urge to ‘be fair’ takes over again because the need to get back on the same page with a person is incredibly strong for me. I need for the people close to me to feel respected by me, and it really eats away at me if they don’t.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  6. #96
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    9,347

    Default

    The last paragraph goes along with what EJCC was talking about re venting. We will tend to greatly exaggerate how bad things really are (how terribly we're being treated etc). For me at least, as soon as I've bled off the excess emotion, then I can go back to the "Actually it's not that bad" or "To be fair..." or whatever else.

    I think I also do a bit of what Z Buck is talking about in the last paragraph, although it's fairly rare and it doesn't last long. I don't recognize so much the stuff in the first paragraph (although maybe I just am not distant enough from it?)

  7. #97
    wants Mifune clone minion Array Z Buck McFate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INfJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    3,132

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think I also do a bit of what Z Buck is talking about in the last paragraph, although it's fairly rare and it doesn't last long. I don't recognize so much the stuff in the first paragraph (although maybe I just am not distant enough from it?)
    It's when an INFJ isn't willing to talk about what's wrong because they already decided how the conversation would go, they've decided how important it is to everyone involved, and they don't think it's worth it. I've done it (with people who aren't important to me). Being on the other end of it can be infuriating.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  8. #98
    Banned Array
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    3,279

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Keps Mnemnosyne View Post
    The thread keeps moving...ack.

    First off, Damn you Z (Aka congrats), I was going to say that last night, but I went to sleep instead about our bias against Arclight, and Esoteric.

    Medium is an illusion of distinction from the message. The medium chosen is part of the message. Which is why ideally one shouldn't break up a two year relationship over e-mail as it shows a lack of respect for the other person and their feelings. Some photographers use black/white; others use color. How is the medium not related to the message?

    Sorry to interrupt my own post, but I'm exhausted....I'll come back and say more. Also sorry Arclight if this post seemed critical of your last post, what I was going to say next was in agreement with some of your ideas, but I'll wait till I'm comprehensible and with energy to write a post.
    Thanks for explaining Keps , no offense was taken at all. I did not feel criticized in the slightest. In fact, what you have said so far is very thought provoking.
    However I need to be thinking about medical roots,prefixes,suffixes and pharmaceutical abbreviations and not the value of the medium VS the message (my fault for clicking this thread )
    I will comment on this point once I have processed your idea.

  9. #99
    Banned Array
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    3,279

    Default

    This thread is becoming incredibly awesome and ground breaking. I am super duper thrilled.. Fid and Zanzi.. You guys rock!!!. You have cheered me up a little.. Bless you both.

    But really, I need to go.. I will be back

  10. #100
    Iron Maiden Array fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    9,347

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    It's when an INFJ isn't willing to talk about what's wrong because they already decided how the conversation would go, they've decided how important it is to everyone involved, and they don't think it's worth it. I've done it (with people who aren't important to me). Being on the other end of it can be infuriating.
    Stated in those terms - yeah, I have done that from time to time. It either is that it's not worth expending the emotional energy if they are not all that close anyway (in which case I just tend to drift away a bit at a time - doesn't this naturally happen in friendships when you have less in common?).

    If they are super close, it would only happen as a result of having repeatedly attempted to deal with something with the person (usually the same issue), they and I know what's the matter and it always turns out badly when we try to broach it. If they pursue it, usually I'll break down and deal with it (usually after having been the one pursuing resolution for a long, long time and just getting discouraged). If they don't, then there are just certain parts of my life I'm not able to share with them, although I still really would like them to be a part of my life. I have done this with my brother on occasion and just started avoiding areas of conflict that couldn't be addressed with the ESTJ towards the end because it always ended with no resolution, him feeling upset and me apologizing, and still not having the original problem solved.

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] Common ENFP issues
    By Amargith in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 653
    Last Post: 11-24-2016, 12:16 PM
  2. [INTJ] Common INTJ Issues
    By highlander in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 302
    Last Post: 11-09-2016, 10:42 PM
  3. [ENFJ] Common ENFJ Issues
    By Domino in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 205
    Last Post: 05-08-2016, 03:59 PM
  4. [NF] Common INFP-INFJ Relationship Issues
    By Lenian in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 04-22-2016, 01:28 PM
  5. [INFJ] UNCOMMON? OR COMMON INFJ ISSUES?!?
    By Lenian in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-31-2011, 05:16 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO