I am an ENFJ with some ENFP tendencies, and from what I've read it seems that this type tries to avoid conflict at all cost. However, I tend to confront my problems, not brush them aside and give in to what others want. Does anyone have any idea what might have caused this? I am pretty certain that I'm an ENFx (leaning toward J).
I have noticed that I do tend to over-analyze things before I say them. I worry about how it will make other people feel and if I will end up upsetting someone or in a conflict/debate in which I won't be able to defend myself. (My ISTP brother scoffs at this attitude and tells me to just "say it, who cares what they think?" Haha.) However, this is mainly true with strangers and casual acquaintances. When I have become close enough to someone, I am very straightforward with my thoughts, feelings and perspectives and feel that I should never bottle things up. Sometimes I over-react/assume the worst over even the most trivial things (this usually results in breaking down, crying and becoming extremely upset)...and when I get into a conflict, it can oftentimes last for hours because I am very firm in what I believe and refuse to give in. It's like I KNOW this is right, and I want this other person (who is close to me) to get it, too. I'll stop at nothing, even if it means stomping all over their feelings...which I definitely do NOT enjoy and sometimes don't even realize I'm doing it. I try so hard to be calm, rational and open-minded to their opinions, but to no avail. I find it exceedingly difficult to do, even when I'm making a conscious effort.
Is this a common trait in ENF's? The need for confrontation, I mean. By ENF's "avoiding conflict," are we usually referring to strangers, or does that include the people who are important to us? Also, how I can work on this? What trait needs to be developed/matured so that I won't continue to come off as pushy/controlling and a complete drama queen? Just curious as to what other ENF's think and if they have had similar experiences.