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  1. #51
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    ^^ I'd like to read about it (if you remember the title I can search for it ).

    What should an INFP keep in mind when trying to connect with and better understand their ENFJ friend? What does the ENFJ need/ want from the friendship?
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  2. #52
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    ENFJ relationships! is the thread, and at page 8 you see the posting by Domino (formerly Pink). That thread mentions it.

    what do we want? I think you can search the forum and find postings on that from lots of ENFJ's since we differ (Enneagram numbers range here which makes us different flavors-most being 2 I believe, but I am a 1)

    An INFP is what we want if you will be assertive, open, communicate, take action and avoid withdrawing or passivity. Being able to talk deeply and show our true inner person- not the role of social leader- really is what makes me feel best to go out an lead. But if you are flaky, expect us to do all the initiating, vulnerability you won't get through to what can be a great !!! friendship.

    Also watch out for the social implications of things (Fe). For example not coming to a birthday party (because we are already deep friends so why does it matter...), not calling back, doing things that don't show support (in actions/public/social expectations sense) to a Fe person is a cause of friction. We look at the actions not just words and what they imply.
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
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  3. #53
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherC View Post
    ENFJ relationships! is the thread, and at page 8 you see the posting by Domino (formerly Pink). That thread mentions it.

    what do we want? I think you can search the forum and find postings on that from lots of ENFJ's since we differ (Enneagram numbers range here which makes us different flavors-most being 2 I believe, but I am a 1)

    An INFP is what we want if you will be assertive, open, communicate, take action and avoid withdrawing or passivity. Being able to talk deeply and show our true inner person- not the role of social leader- really is what makes me feel best to go out an lead. But if you are flaky, expect us to do all the initiating, vulnerability you won't get through to what can be a great !!! friendship.

    Also watch out for the social implications of things (Fe). For example not coming to a birthday party (because we are already deep friends so why does it matter...), not calling back, doing things that don't show support (in actions/public/social expectations sense) to a Fe person is a cause of friction. We look at the actions not just words and what they imply.
    I thought what you wrote was very helpful. Because I would very much like to improve my ability to interact with ENFJs.

    What I'm getting from you is that adhering to social propriety is important. (Sometimes not ENFP's strong suit.) And, also that respecting the whole Fe thing is a big part of it.

    I've only just begun to really understand how profoundly different are Fe and Fi. Can you give me an example of when an Fi person (aka INFP or ENFP) offended your Fe and how you handled it? Also, how you try to accommodate Fi?

    PS (Thanks to Fidelia et al. for helping me better understand Fe. I'm trying to put some of these techniques into practice as I write this post.)

    PPS (Here's the thread HeatherC alludes to in her post: http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...tionships.html Thanks, HeatherC! I hadn't seen this thread before. I'll read it presently.)
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  4. #54
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Fe is frustrating and poorly understood.

    It is not just social propriety, it is the mental understanding of something supportive in a common understanding(public/socially accepting) that is missed by the Fi. Then we view ourselves as unsupported.

    And again this is different to degrees with different ENFJ's. For me it comes out in the fact that over time I look at your actions and if they display a lack of support (getting out of you comfort zone) then I take the actions over the deep conversation. I think that is where the INFPs I know and I differ.

    Examples: Doing very nice SMALL thoughtful things does not compensate for not initiating
    Forgetting birthdays
    Not showing up to group activities because I won't be loney I have a million friends
    Not showing up to things I host because you don't like a crowd
    Saying you will do things with me- plan a hang out and then have other plans we do along the time (dropping off your stuff, mail)

    And this is a quick list but the actions show more in the long term to me, which SUCKSSSSSSSS because having a non-judgemental, calming, confidant is really important to me and ENFJ's long for intimacy (most NF's).

    So if in doubt communicate to the ENFJ. Somewhere else on TPC there is a quote..sorry I keep the good info pasted in my emails so I can't track it back except by searching the words...is that we are Alpha's and we want another alpha(read-someone as strong as us) which you can be with your actions aligning to what you say you feel! That is all it takes to be a friend with solid character to me.
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
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  5. #55
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherC View Post
    Fe is frustrating and poorly understood.

    It is not just social propriety, it is the mental understanding of something supportive in a common understanding(public/socially accepting) that is missed by the Fi. Then we view ourselves as unsupported.

    And again this is different to degrees with different ENFJ's. For me it comes out in the fact that over time I look at your actions and if they display a lack of support (getting out of you comfort zone) then I take the actions over the deep conversation. I think that is where the INFPs I know and I differ...
    Yes! I feel like people stop their ears when it's repeated over and over again that Fe is not just about social niceties. I think it's the most visible part of Fe and the portion that is most easily imitated and misused, but for me as a Fe user it's not even that high-ranked in terms of importance.

    Feeling supported is of great importance. For me, it's about being able to have real talk with people I care about. I can shoot the breeze forever, that's not a problem for me, but when I'm doing that I'm looking at how a person thinks, what they say, what's important to them, how they're respond (to me and otherwise). It's not always pointless activity, it's how I get to know people. If I can't get some kind of repartee going, then I'm just kind of like eh.

    ...the actions show more in the long term to me, which SUCKSSSSSSSS because having a non-judgemental, calming, confidant is really important to me and ENFJ's long for intimacy (most NF's).

    So if in doubt communicate to the ENFJ. Somewhere else on TPC there is a quote..sorry I keep the good info pasted in my emails so I can't track it back except by searching the words...is that we are Alpha's and we want another alpha(read-someone as strong as us) which you can be with your actions aligning to what you say you feel! That is all it takes to be a friend with solid character to me.
    Yes, I also agree with that especially the bolded. Heather aren't you an enneagram 1 as well? I think there are some differences in Fe-doms depending on if they're E1 vs E2, etc. I don't feel as nurturing or the need to nurture as E2s might so oftentimes I don't really identify with the self-sacrificing comments. It's really important to me to get someone who pushes back against me (sounds bad but not really). I like people who have very solid cores that aren't full of turmoil and enjoy being in a state of turmoil. So yeah, the whole solid thing is very important.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
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  6. #56
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Yes I am a Enneagram 1. That is why above that I differ because I look at actions (solid-character) over the deep conversation in the decision making-factor. ENFJ's with a 2 wing may be more prone to stick with the friendship where it is about the sharing over the solid character.

    One thing I forgot to mention was the reciprocation. My EJ friends get the understanding of a give-and-take relationship very easily with me. The ENP, INP ones seem to find that "consumer" based. Call it what you will when I know we both expect to give it makes for a heccckk of a lot less misunderstandings. I end up keeping those friends who can get the concept even if they are rarely vulnerable or conversationally intimate.

    INFPs don't hold your feelings inside, express them or we will not get you. Solves both problems- you feel understood, we feel reciprocated. Win/Win
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
    Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
    Feeling (F) 51.61% Thinking (T) 48.39%
    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

    Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
    so/sx/sp

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