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[ENFP] ENFP needs help with lovable but frustrating INTJ

Blossom500

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Agggg. For the most part my partner and I get on really well... except when there is something really big... hrmm, let me see, like the divorce he was supposed to get a few years ago! He has ONLY been separated for 5 years and his ESFP ex is engaged to someone else already... what is with that???

Anyway, my F is really hurting and he just clams up when ever I even dare to express how I am starting to feel a little unwanted... ie. no real future. Are there any ENFPs out there with some experience or suggestions? In fact any suggestions from anyone would be good. Thanks and sorry for the bleeding heart ENFP post... but you know ENFPs when they are hurting they are pathetic.
 

ReadingRainbows

Cat Wench
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Tell him to get a divorce. And then go from there. Thats some serious big shit, to be seperated for that long with no paperwork.
 

INA

now! in shell form
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Sounds like she's told him. It's at the "take it from there" stage.
It makes sense to find out if he even wants a future with you.
Rock the boat. It may well capsize, but then you can wash up on better shores instead of sitting in a boat going nowhere, getting frustrated and feeling unwanted. As it is he has no incentive to take this baby in to land.
 

Blossom500

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Thats some serious big shit, to be seperated for that long with no paperwork.

Thanks need to know I am not being unreasonable in saying it is time to get on with it
Sounds like she's told him. It's at the "take it from there" stage.
It makes sense to find out if he even wants a future with you.
Rock the boat. It may well capsize, but then you can wash up on better shores instead of sitting in a boat going nowhere, getting frustrated and feeling unwanted. As it is he has no incentive to take this baby in to land.

He says "he wants a future but can't see it"... um like ok that is helpful

Going to rock the boat a little more I think... gulp. BLoody well wish it was not 1 am. Not a good look for an ENFP to be calling at this time of night... though at least I am not drunk lol
 

INA

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He says "he wants a future but can't see it"
That's a "no."
Going to rock the boat a little more I think... gulp. BLoody well wish it was not 1 am. Not a good look for an ENFP to be calling at this time of night... though at least I am not drunk lol
Why call at 1 a.m.??!!
INA my Mum is an INTP
And what does she think?
 

Blossom500

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Why call at 1 a.m.??!!

And what does she think?

If you were and ENFP you would understand the 1 am joke. When I was much much younger I would do that kind of thing.

Mum really really likes him (she has never liked any of my boyfriends before) but I know she does not like seeing me hurting. She is very INTP and tries very hard to do the right thing and not interfere. I love her heaps. :hug: She thinks i am being reasonable.
 

Blossom500

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I guess I should add that he keeps taking baby steps every few months but then he leaves stuff up to her and she does not do it. He could lodge the divorce himself but won't. So she is stringing it out too. Very complicated
 

INA

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If you were and ENFP you would understand the 1 am joke. When I was much much younger I would do that kind of thing.
I've known a, shall we say, "passionate" ENFP, who would call at 1 A.M., so I wasn't sure if you were joking.
Mum really really likes him (she has never liked any of my boyfriends before) but I know she does not like seeing me hurting. She is very INTP and tries very hard to do the right thing and not interfere. I love her heaps. :hug: She thinks i am being reasonable.
I wouldn't meddle either, if someone hadn't asked. Have you specifically asked her? When you say she thinks you're being reasonable, in regard to what does she think so? Wanting an idea of where you're going? That's all too glaring.

If this were a young relationship and he'd said "I don't know yet" I could understand your tolerance, but he said "he can't see it."

I guess I should add that he keeps taking baby steps every few months but then he leaves stuff up to her and she does not do it. He could lodge the divorce himself but won't. So she is stringing it out too.
Yet she's engaged to someone else. Hmm . . . I wonder how much of the story you're getting.
Very complicated
Doesn't need to be.
 

INTP

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If you were and ENFP you would understand the 1 am joke.

That kind of jokes arent enfp an thing, its an Ne thing and im pretty sure most people who have even little understanding on Ne should get that.

Imo u should get drunk and then make the call :yes:

and no way you are being unreasonable, that intj is the one who is being REALLY unreasonable to you for not getting that divorce years ago.
 

INA

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That kind of jokes arent enfp an thing, its an Ne thing and im pretty sure most people who have even little understanding on Ne should get that.
And those with a lil background in ENFP nuttery, Quack Psych, would rightfully think she might not be joking.
- One who was stalked at all hours by enfp chick (pre bff).

-- it worked.
 

INTP

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And those with a lil background in ENFP nuttery, Quack Psych, would rightfully think she might not be joking.
- One who was stalked at all hours by enfp chick (pre bff).

lol
 

Blossom500

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Wanted to get drunk but would have called then lol. Latest update... my genuine f ing a few nights ago must have had an effect. I had told he that he was dangerously messing with my heart and that I was not particularly comfortable with me feeling like turning into a blubbering inconsolable heartbroken idiot (something I have learnt the hard way to try and avoid at all costs!) Mind you this was the morning after the previous evening when i had cried unconsolably in the shower for 25mins when he swore that the deal we had made with the psychologist we saw together was that he would get some papers of his ex and NOT file for divorce HIMSELF on a certain date. I told him that every one has their limits and he was treading dangerously close. I spoke to him this morning and asked him how he was.... "I didn't sleep well at all :-(" I asked where you worried about work (cause that is usually why). He said "No I was worrying about us all night :-(" "what were you thinking?" I asked... "that I am an idiot and I really want to have a long term relationship with you and I need to sort this crap out." So I asked him for a time line lol said he would get papers back to her and ask her to lodge. If she does not do it "in a couple of days" (not very exact) he will do it himself.... time will tell. Then I also reminded him that I told him nearly a year ago that I would give him a year (very generous and will never make that mistake again). Silence then "oh... time ran away from me." He is sleeping soundly but not soundlessly (snoring his head off) beside me unaware that tomorrow I will remind him of the deadline in exact terms! INTJ's have to be the most sensitive souls on the planet :) Which is partly why I love him.

Doesn't need to be.
This really helped - I was ready to pull the plug and I am still ready once Aug 26th comes.

That kind of jokes arent enfp an thing, its an Ne thing and im pretty sure most people who have even little understanding on Ne should get that.

just testing if I can write in between cause I am such a newbie

and no way you are being unreasonable, that intj is the one who is being REALLY unreasonable to you for not getting that divorce years ago.
Yes he is and I accept that not acknowledging that was out of fear of giving up something that doesn't even exist.

And those with a lil background in ENFP nuttery, Quack Psych, would rightfully think she might not be joking.


In the past I might not have been joking and still reserve the right!
 

Blossom500

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Sorry INTP did not mean to put words in your mouth...bubble... newbie ALERT
 

INA

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This really helped - I was ready to pull the plug and I am still ready once Aug 26th comes.

Yes he is and I accept that not acknowledging that was out of fear of giving up something that doesn't even exist.
Nicely done. Good luck.
 
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