[NF] Real vs. Imagined You

[proteanmix]

How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?

 

[INFPWoman]

That is almost a constant for me, unfortunately. I am acutely aware of my many shortcomings. I have children and raising them has lead me to see that I am very far from my image of an ideal mom. I get irritable way too often, spend way too much time on the computer, and despise housework, amongst other things. It is hard, but I'm getting used to my fallen state. I guess as a child I somehow thought too well of myself as if I were angelic or something, and then the hormones hit me and other problems...

 

[runvardh]

More often than not I have people trying to put me on the pedestal... Somewhat disilusioned about it though, most of the people who did it to me while I was growing up were faking it for their own gain.

 

[Athenian200]

I feel conflict between how I am now, and how I want to be. I'm almost always painfully aware of exactly what's wrong with how I am now, and how it falls short from my idealized self. I can go into denial briefly under stress, but something from my unconscious breaks through eventually and punishes me for it.

 

[theshadow]

How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?

the ground? is as close as a sorrow between happyiness

I find I knock myself from the pedestal more than I probably should...even when I know it will probably cause more pain the relief.I don't know If I am capable of seeing/being good

recent thought i had "if truth is insanity would you chose it?"
I compulsively do whatever it takes to try and find meaning etc. here is a good way to put it

"like a thief I would have to persue
at all times
at all costs
the Truth"
Bright Eyes

 

[nightning]

How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?

Me no like the pedestal... darn tiring standing on that stiff thing always worrying about falling off. On one hand I told myself repeatedly that it's okay to be a contradiction. A person can't be perfect all the time nor am I expected to be. Then I come to the realization that it's all imagined. I'm standing on the ground in a self-imposed box... nothing more than a rectangle drawn on the floor with a piece of chalk afterall.

 

[Domino]

How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

Daily. Living with ENFP makes me automatically look like a jerk by comparison.

How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?

I get pretty upset initially because I frequently make myself physically ILL caring so much about others that it seems to be a real unjustified kick in the shins when I find myself having bad motivations. I've come to terms with the fact (well, mostly to terms... it's still a point of shame for me...) that I'm a mix of extreme empathic sacrificial love (even for strangers sometimes) and a calculating mercenary warlord ruthlessly burning the village to the ground. The two don't seem to go together, and the latter is held on a very tight leash behind barbed wire. It's not something I'm proud of and I never know how to feel about it. My sister is usually the one who helps me process through my anger when I do something less than altruistic because I get so disappointed in myself. I think "How can I be so driven to be with people and love them and want to understand them and find truth, and then turn into a firestorm when I discover I'm human?" Not very fair to me. Failure is everyone's lot at some point.

 

[crandolph]

How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?

Frequently -- but then I get self-congratulatory for being so capable of seeing my flaws. And yes, I'm aware that being self-congratulatory is itself a flaw, so nyah!

On a more serious note, I still carry around a few vivid and shameful memories of times I've really hurt people -- it is very painful to recall them (I get nauseated) but I'm hopeful they keep me from repeating my bigger mistakes.

 

[Vortex]

How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

You know, it's kind of funny, I've never seen myself as any of those things, although I'm quite aware that others might see it in me. I've met very, very, very few 'good people', at least by the terms I define 'good'. I don't find myself to be particularly more caring, compassionate etc. than anyone else. Anyway, no fall.

How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?

I'm not quite sure. I tend to get really annoyed when my mental picture of myself is tainted by vulgar reality. The difference between what should be and what is really there is almost constant, so it doesn't come like a shock.

 

[Kiddo]

How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?

I live with the understanding that I'm not perfect, that I will make mistakes, and I will just have to do the best I can with what I have. With that understanding, I can't really fail.

When I'm confronted by something I don't like about myself, I often tell everyone I know about it. I make the best effort possible to understand it and ask other people what they think. I've actually had to reshape my entire value system in the past because of ideals that contradict what I believed. I've learned to love who I am as a silly, imperfect human being. That isn't to say that I don't go off on people who remind me of my imperfections from time to time, but I'm learning to see others as imperfect human beings as well.

 

[cascadeco]

I do a pretty good job of knocking myself off any pedestal on a regular basis. I'm good at that.

 

[RDF]

How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?

I'm pretty realistic about myself and others. I don't believe in saints or devils; I believe that people (including me) generally do things out of some form of self-interest, and I know what kind of self-interest works best for me. I know that most people (including me) have their petty rip-offs but also enough vanity to want to at least appear to be a good person to others.

When evaluating people (including myself), I look at their/my long-term track record and expect more of the same. That's usually a pretty good way to predict the future fairly accurately and avoid disappointments or accidental falls off pedestals.

 

[Domino]

But pedestals are so chi-chi ornamental, Fine.

 

[proteanmix]

I'll clarify my OP by saying that I'm not referring to being a perfect person or a good person. But I do wonder because if you identify as NF these are traits that supposedly make one an NF (I don't buy it either but whatever). Maybe this is an ENFJ thing and not a general NF thing, but although I realize that I'll never be perfect it doesn't mean I stop trying to perfect myself. I view it as building muscle, they have to tear in order to be strengthened. I'm asking about the tearing part, when you have to confront something that challenges your view of yourself.

It's not about being humble or not having a good self-concept. If being a compassionate person is part of how you self-identify what happens when you find out that you're not really compassionate? If you think you're not racist or homophobic what happens when you realize you that you are? Fill in any thing that makes up your self-concept and then think have you ever had it challenged. What happened if the results were not to your liking? What is your reconciliation process? This can be hypothetical or experiential.

There are facts about yourself that nearly indisputable: your sex or race for example. I'm asking about the "facts" about you that aren't as tangible and yet equally descriptive.

 

[Domino]

I like to believe that I like all people equally and give them a fair shake, but there are demographics that automatically rub my fur the wrong way and I have to fight my concept of them as a caricature.

Like athletes. I see them and tend to get defensive and irritable. Why? Because I come from a very very poor environment and am acutely aware of decay. I get rigid when I think people aren't trying to better themselves and are just lucky enough to have strong bodies. I see pro athletes as coddled meatheads initially, but I try to keep that to myself until my rational side has won out and the snap judgment of a stranger has been put down.

My poor upbringing has permanently colored my view there. I've worked my contempt down to silence but I may never get past it. I don't like NOT liking people.

Then again, impersonal objectivity has never been my strong suit.

 

[Kiddo]

I'll clarify my OP by saying [...].

When it comes to personal growth I do have a coping pattern. First I will resist by adamantly denying there is anything wrong or by saying it isn't a really big deal, then when it becomes clear there is an issue I will avoid it like the plague, and finally when it's clear that it isn't going away and I have good reason to, I will change. But that has very little to do with me being an NF and everything to do with me being lazy and arrogant.

 

[Domino]

I may deny there's something wrong but living with ENFP prevents me from any avoidance. *pulling my hair out*

 

[Vortex]

...
It's not about being humble or not having a good self-concept. If being a compassionate person is part of how you self-identify what happens when you find out that you're not really compassionate? If you think you're not racist or homophobic what happens when you realize you that you are? Fill in any thing that makes up your self-concept and then think have you ever had it challenged. What happened if the results were not to your liking? What is your reconciliation process? This can be hypothetical or experiential...

I can see that I just approach this from the absolutely wrong angle, since I'd surprise myself a heck of a lot more if I suddenly ran around doing good things. That's totally not part of how i view myself.
I've made some discoveries about myself, things I didn't like in me, and the reaction has been to slowly fight it, come to terms with it or just incorporate the undesired element and make it work.

 

[Atomic Fiend]

The imagined me is the president of the U.S. and a super-soldier who runs into a battle by and takes on thousands of armed men with a glorified piece of dental floss.

I'm a high school student.

You do the math.

 

[Kiddo]

The imagined me is the president of the U.S. and a super-soldier who runs into a battle by and takes on thousands of armed men with a glorified piece of dental floss.

Nice!

My fantasy version of myself is a ninja who calls upon mystical powers and kung fu master level martial arts skills to vanquish his foes.

We should do battle sometime.