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  1. #1
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Default Real vs. Imagined You

    How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

    How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  2. #2
    Junior Member INFPWoman's Avatar
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    That is almost a constant for me, unfortunately. I am acutely aware of my many shortcomings. I have children and raising them has lead me to see that I am very far from my image of an ideal mom. I get irritable way too often, spend way too much time on the computer, and despise housework, amongst other things. It is hard, but I'm getting used to my fallen state. I guess as a child I somehow thought too well of myself as if I were angelic or something, and then the hormones hit me and other problems...

  3. #3
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    More often than not I have people trying to put me on the pedestal... Somewhat disilusioned about it though, most of the people who did it to me while I was growing up were faking it for their own gain.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #4
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    I feel conflict between how I am now, and how I want to be. I'm almost always painfully aware of exactly what's wrong with how I am now, and how it falls short from my idealized self. I can go into denial briefly under stress, but something from my unconscious breaks through eventually and punishes me for it.

  5. #5
    Senior Member theshadow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

    How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?
    the ground? is as close as a sorrow between happyiness

    I find I knock myself from the pedestal more than I probably should...even when I know it will probably cause more pain the relief.I don't know If I am capable of seeing/being good

    recent thought i had "if truth is insanity would you chose it?"
    I compulsively do whatever it takes to try and find meaning etc. here is a good way to put it

    "like a thief I would have to persue
    at all times
    at all costs
    the Truth"
    Bright Eyes

  6. #6
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

    How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?
    Me no like the pedestal... darn tiring standing on that stiff thing always worrying about falling off. On one hand I told myself repeatedly that it's okay to be a contradiction. A person can't be perfect all the time nor am I expected to be. Then I come to the realization that it's all imagined. I'm standing on the ground in a self-imposed box... nothing more than a rectangle drawn on the floor with a piece of chalk afterall.

  7. #7
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?
    Daily. Living with ENFP makes me automatically look like a jerk by comparison.


    How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?
    I get pretty upset initially because I frequently make myself physically ILL caring so much about others that it seems to be a real unjustified kick in the shins when I find myself having bad motivations. I've come to terms with the fact (well, mostly to terms... it's still a point of shame for me...) that I'm a mix of extreme empathic sacrificial love (even for strangers sometimes) and a calculating mercenary warlord ruthlessly burning the village to the ground. The two don't seem to go together, and the latter is held on a very tight leash behind barbed wire. It's not something I'm proud of and I never know how to feel about it. My sister is usually the one who helps me process through my anger when I do something less than altruistic because I get so disappointed in myself. I think "How can I be so driven to be with people and love them and want to understand them and find truth, and then turn into a firestorm when I discover I'm human?" Not very fair to me. Failure is everyone's lot at some point.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  8. #8
    Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

    How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?
    Frequently -- but then I get self-congratulatory for being so capable of seeing my flaws. And yes, I'm aware that being self-congratulatory is itself a flaw, so nyah!

    On a more serious note, I still carry around a few vivid and shameful memories of times I've really hurt people -- it is very painful to recall them (I get nauseated) but I'm hopeful they keep me from repeating my bigger mistakes.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Vortex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?
    You know, it's kind of funny, I've never seen myself as any of those things, although I'm quite aware that others might see it in me. I've met very, very, very few 'good people', at least by the terms I define 'good'. I don't find myself to be particularly more caring, compassionate etc. than anyone else. Anyway, no fall.

    How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?
    I'm not quite sure. I tend to get really annoyed when my mental picture of myself is tainted by vulgar reality. The difference between what should be and what is really there is almost constant, so it doesn't come like a shock.

  10. #10
    Furry Critter with Claws Kiddo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

    How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?
    I live with the understanding that I'm not perfect, that I will make mistakes, and I will just have to do the best I can with what I have. With that understanding, I can't really fail.

    When I'm confronted by something I don't like about myself, I often tell everyone I know about it. I make the best effort possible to understand it and ask other people what they think. I've actually had to reshape my entire value system in the past because of ideals that contradict what I believed. I've learned to love who I am as a silly, imperfect human being. That isn't to say that I don't go off on people who remind me of my imperfections from time to time, but I'm learning to see others as imperfect human beings as well.

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