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  1. #21
    Wild Card Atomic Fiend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiddo View Post
    Nice!

    My fantasy version of myself is a ninja who calls upon mystical powers and kung fu master level martial arts skills to vanquish his foes.

    We should do battle sometime.
    I'll have to run it by my political advisers, Mega-Mandela, and Malcolm X-terminate, but maybe we can arrange something

  2. #22
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silently Honest View Post
    I'll have to run it by my political advisers, Mega-Mandela, and Malcolm X-terminate, but maybe we can arrange something
    Don't forget the venerable Dr. Huey Percy Newton.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  3. #23
    Wild Card Atomic Fiend's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silently Honest View Post
    The imagined me is the president of the U.S. and a super-soldier who runs into a battle by and takes on thousands of armed men with a glorified piece of dental floss.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kiddo View Post
    Nice!

    My fantasy version of myself is a ninja who calls upon mystical powers and kung fu master level martial arts skills to vanquish his foes.

    We should do battle sometime.
    Quote Originally Posted by Silently Honest View Post
    I'll have to run it by my political advisers, Mega-Mandela, and Malcolm X-terminate, but maybe we can arrange something
    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Don't forget the venerable Dr. Huey Percy Newton.
    I say this unnecessary comment fully aware that I have derailed this thread with a comment I thought would be ignored.

    I'd watch that fight.

  4. #24
    Resident Snot-Nose GZA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    More often than not I have people trying to put me on the pedestal...
    Yah, I kind of get that too, although its probably normal, not excessive, stuff from parents, and I don't buy into it. I refuse to wholehearted believe my parents are proud of me for two reasons. 1) I havn't done anything, and 2) the things that do make them happy/proud (golf and school) are two things I do not do well at/in. Then my friend's parents do the same thing, they tell me how great a kid I am, but I don't buy it, I never did anything, and I don't want to be some super person.

    I guess you could say that this is something that challenges my view of myself, they are praising me for things I don't value within myself and that I'm not even aware of in my behaviour.

    But I'm not sure if that answers very well :P

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    But pedestals are so chi-chi ornamental, Fine.
    I use the pedestal as a plant stand. I placed it by the window and put a potted plant on it.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiddo View Post
    When it comes to personal growth I do have a coping pattern. First I will resist by adamantly denying there is anything wrong or by saying it isn't a really big deal, then when it becomes clear there is an issue I will avoid it like the plague, and finally when it's clear that it isn't going away and I have good reason to, I will change. But that has very little to do with me being an NF and everything to do with me being lazy and arrogant.
    Well said. That describes me perfectly. But like you say, that's more about thoughtlessness or insensitivity and not necessarily about living up to some elevated concept of NFs.

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I'll clarify my OP by saying that I'm not referring to being a perfect person or a good person. But I do wonder because if you identify as NF these are traits that supposedly make one an NF (I don't buy it either but whatever). Maybe this is an ENFJ thing and not a general NF thing, but although I realize that I'll never be perfect it doesn't mean I stop trying to perfect myself. I view it as building muscle, they have to tear in order to be strengthened. I'm asking about the tearing part, when you have to confront something that challenges your view of yourself.

    It's not about being humble or not having a good self-concept. If being a compassionate person is part of how you self-identify what happens when you find out that you're not really compassionate? If you think you're not racist or homophobic what happens when you realize you that you are? Fill in any thing that makes up your self-concept and then think have you ever had it challenged. What happened if the results were not to your liking? What is your reconciliation process? This can be hypothetical or experiential.

    There are facts about yourself that nearly indisputable: your sex or race for example. I'm asking about the "facts" about you that aren't as tangible and yet equally descriptive.
    As for particularly NF things, I'll stick to what I said previously.

    INFPs in particular are known for exploring both good and evil within themselves. It doesn't trouble me to run up against selfishness, lack of compassion, and even a bit of lust for violence and mayhem within myself. I'm human, and I enjoy exploring the contradictions of the human experience.

    I do aspire to be a genuinely nice, understanding guy--nicer than most. That's my first impulse, my home territory, and my natural point of reference. I do it well, and it's a big part of my self-image. But I also know that there are self-interested reasons for acting that way, like wanting to create a higher level of harmony for personal peace of mind, or reaping the benefits of being a good team player. I mainly just see it as playing to my strengths, and I enjoy playing and perfecting that role.

    Meanwhile, some environments don't favor or reward "nice guys." If I'm in an environment where my nice guy attitude doesn't buy me what I want but rather where other behaviors are rewarded, then I can be as selfish and ornery as anyone else. In such cases, I can play the tough guy and can even enjoy indulging that side of myself.

    As Somerset Maugham said, "You can't learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency."

  7. #27
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    I use the pedestal as a plant stand. I placed it by the window and put a potted plant on it.
    Ah! Fancy!

    My fantasy self (perhaps the dark-haired version of Warrior Woman from "The Road Warrior" lol) approves!
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  8. #28
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?
    Never thought about this.

    How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?
    I am confused and then leave it alone. I'm P and ok when things are not settled. I have many things that contradict and I just let them be. Maybe someday they will be all resolved. If they don't, it really doesn't matter. I'll survive.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

    How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?

    I have never really seen myself as especially "good person". I can be aloof and cold, I can be overly opinonated about something that I think is important and too keen on pressing my point. I am always falling short of my internal ideas of how I should be. I am human.

    I am fascinated with duality in human nature and human hypocrisy and finding it in myself has no less fascination for me even when it hurts to see it.

    I know an INFJ who finds the idea of not being a "nice person" something they have diffculty facing when it happens to them. Their self image is extremely tied to being seen as a nice person.

  10. #30
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?

    How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?
    My ideal version of myself actually is NOT someone who is very nice or cuddly or compassionate or giving.

    My ideal version of myself is a terror inducing no-nonsense lady who gets her way and doesn't apologize.

    So, yes, my ideal version of myself does often fall short of reality.

    But as far as the contradicting ideals yes, when those situations happen and I basically was not the 'best person I could be' I do feel bad. But it's just a welcome spotlight on a weakness I was not aware of before. It makes me think who do I want to be and how would that person have reacted to that same situation and be in the world in general? I work on it.

    In my present self, I don't ignore problems. I at least acknowledge them and process them and if I hit a wall I leave it alone to ruminate and revisit it in the near future. I would like to grow as much as possible so I can be the person I feel I was meant to be.

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