How often do you get knocked off your NF "I'm a good person" OR "I'm a caring, compassionate, giving, benevolent etc. etc.," pedestal? How far is the fall to the ground?
How do you react when you're in a situation that forces you to confront aspects of yourself that contradict your idea(ls) of who you are and who you really are?
I'm pretty realistic about myself and others. I don't believe in saints or devils; I believe that people (including me) generally do things out of some form of self-interest, and I know what kind of self-interest works best for me. I know that most people (including me) have their petty rip-offs but also enough vanity to want to at least appear to be a good person to others.
When evaluating people (including myself), I look at their/my long-term track record and expect more of the same. That's usually a pretty good way to predict the future fairly accurately and avoid disappointments or accidental falls off pedestals.
I'll clarify my OP by saying that I'm not referring to being a perfect person or a good person. But I do wonder because if you identify as NF these are traits that supposedly make one an NF (I don't buy it either but whatever). Maybe this is an ENFJ thing and not a general NF thing, but although I realize that I'll never be perfect it doesn't mean I stop trying to perfect myself. I view it as building muscle, they have to tear in order to be strengthened. I'm asking about the tearing part, when you have to confront something that challenges your view of yourself.
It's not about being humble or not having a good self-concept. If being a compassionate person is part of how you self-identify what happens when you find out that you're not really compassionate? If you think you're not racist or homophobic what happens when you realize you that you are? Fill in any thing that makes up your self-concept and then think have you ever had it challenged. What happened if the results were not to your liking? What is your reconciliation process? This can be hypothetical or experiential.
There are facts about yourself that nearly indisputable: your sex or race for example. I'm asking about the "facts" about you that aren't as tangible and yet equally descriptive.
Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship. Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts Social Penetration Theory 1 Social Penetration Theory 2 Social Penetration Theory 3
I like to believe that I like all people equally and give them a fair shake, but there are demographics that automatically rub my fur the wrong way and I have to fight my concept of them as a caricature.
Like athletes. I see them and tend to get defensive and irritable. Why? Because I come from a very very poor environment and am acutely aware of decay. I get rigid when I think people aren't trying to better themselves and are just lucky enough to have strong bodies. I see pro athletes as coddled meatheads initially, but I try to keep that to myself until my rational side has won out and the snap judgment of a stranger has been put down.
My poor upbringing has permanently colored my view there. I've worked my contempt down to silence but I may never get past it. I don't like NOT liking people.
Then again, impersonal objectivity has never been my strong suit.
eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
AIS Holland code
When it comes to personal growth I do have a coping pattern. First I will resist by adamantly denying there is anything wrong or by saying it isn't a really big deal, then when it becomes clear there is an issue I will avoid it like the plague, and finally when it's clear that it isn't going away and I have good reason to, I will change. But that has very little to do with me being an NF and everything to do with me being lazy and arrogant.
It's not about being humble or not having a good self-concept. If being a compassionate person is part of how you self-identify what happens when you find out that you're not really compassionate? If you think you're not racist or homophobic what happens when you realize you that you are? Fill in any thing that makes up your self-concept and then think have you ever had it challenged. What happened if the results were not to your liking? What is your reconciliation process? This can be hypothetical or experiential...
I can see that I just approach this from the absolutely wrong angle, since I'd surprise myself a heck of a lot more if I suddenly ran around doing good things. That's totally not part of how i view myself.
I've made some discoveries about myself, things I didn't like in me, and the reaction has been to slowly fight it, come to terms with it or just incorporate the undesired element and make it work.