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  1. #1
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Default NF's not standing NT's

    I have read a lot about how NF's are supposed to match romantically with NT's. This makes no sense to me. My husband is an ESFJ or an ENFJ and he is wonderful. Every NT I have know has been arrogant and cold, lost in politics and their own projects, not open to other points of view at all. Why in the world do the books match up NF's and NT's?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Pixelholic's Avatar
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    Well, from my own experience, NT's are infuriatingly annoying. I have a couple NT friends who have had crushes or expressed interest in me but I couldn't imagine dating them as they had problematic personality issues that would become a big problem in a relationship (mostly an abrasive personality and always being kind of high strung.) They're good friends and we work well together on projects and what not, I'd just never want to date the NTs that I've met.

    Most of my romantic relationships have been NFs
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” -Nietzsche

  3. #3
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    shared N, balanced out T and F. I think it works well when the NF balances out the T of the NT and vice versa. Personally, I think NT_NF is often a bad combo for balanced F_T NF's.

    INFJ's and INTJ's are quite similar, and seem to fit very well together.

    I've heard/read a number of NF women, usually NFP's, talk about how, umm, not level-headed??? they are, and how they need a strong T to help show them ?be rational? and less ?emotionally-all-over-the-place?.

    I think for NF women who find NF men too soft/mushy-whatever, NT men are a good choice. There might be some reason why a NF man might want a NT women, but other than INFP's going "you INTP"s are so like me!", I have no idea what any of those reasons might be.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    Every NT I have know has been arrogant and cold, lost in politics and their own projects, not open to other points of view at all. Why in the world do the books match up NF's and NT's?
    Not every NT is like that. It's about a similar way of communicating, even if it is communicating very different ideas and perspectives. NTs either have Fi or Fe as their third function, which is a relief function so while they may suck at it early on, they do eventually develop it and so, become more healthy and balanced. The xNTPs should be with Fe and the xNTJs should be with Fi. Apparently the ENTPs and INFJs are crazy about each other as are the ENFPs and INTJs. Those seem to be the popular patterns, but it depends on each person.

  5. #5
    Senior Member WoodsWoman's Avatar
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    Maturity matters - with maturity comes balance.

  6. #6
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I won't say my INTP isn't the things you describe -- but there is a lot more to him than that. He isn't cold to me. He's quite squishy and affectionate. He is very principled, hard working, and conscientious. He is always making me laugh and always has something interesting to talk about and is one of the smartest people I know. He is the rock of our family -- a calm, steady presence despite being very self-contained. We're a very well-matched couple.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  7. #7
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    I love NTs; I will admit that sometimes deep down I feel the same way in which they project themselves so they make me feel comfortable and OK with that part of myself as long as it's not what i perceive as being in excess.

    the tendency for all the NTs i know to make sweeping generalizations based on their own experiences without being able to actually admit that other experiences legitimately exist is annoying sometimes, but for the most part I think it makes them fun to debate/play devil's advocate with
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  8. #8
    wholly charmed Spartacuss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stringstheory View Post

    the tendency for all the NTs i know to make sweeping generalizations based on their own experiences without being able to actually admit that other experiences legitimately exist
    This is not an "NT" trait. Funny, given the complaint.

    As for the compatibility issues: I think with this, as with the famed "introverts belong with extroverts" mantra, little stock should be placed in mbti predictions. INTs with INTs can be the most beautiful thing - no "balance" needed. I would likely hop out the nearest window with some NF pairings, especially an ENFP one.
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  9. #9
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spartacuss View Post
    This is not an "NT" trait. Funny, given the complaint.
    Mmm, maybe not, but it is certainly a trait of all the solid NTs i know...which is really the only thing I can speak on. I never said it was true of all of them because i don't know all of them. that's a sweeping generalization.
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  10. #10
    wholly charmed Spartacuss's Avatar
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    Fair enough. A main source of friction with two ENFPs I know was that they'd jump to generalizations on limited, very subjective information and get mad when called on it. I chalked it up to immaturity.
    Ti (43); Ne (41.8); Te (33.7); Fi (30.5); Ni (27.5); Se (24.7); Si (21.5); Fe (17.3)
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