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  1. #11
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by angell_m View Post
    "Is something wrong?"
    or
    "Are you alright?"

    Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, gets that question.

    1.) I can't stand people asking me that, because I don't want to draw attention to myself in a sympathetic way.
    2.) When I ask people that, and they say nothing is wrong, it makes me frustrated, and I want to ask again, and again, and again, untill I get a straight answer. Because I KNOW something is wrong.

    Edited: Removed ", but they won't tell me." behind point number 2.
    I'm glad you started this thread. I almost started this thread a couple of weeks back. I really really.. REALLY hate it when someone asks me what's wrong. Even moreso, I hate it when they ask it over and over again. I also hate when people WANT you to ask over and over again because they like attention.

    When I say, "nothing," why can't they leave it at that? I hate having to resort to, "Okay, it's something I just don't want to talk about it right now, can you please leave me alone?" It's a more proper response that people respond better to, but I think it would have been more polite of them to just leave me alone when I said, "nothing." Pet peeve alert!

    I'll ask someone "What's wrong?" one time out of politeness but always leave them alone after that.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

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  2. #12
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by penny89 View Post
    So you don't want people asking you that question, but you ask it "again, and again, and again" to others?
    Yea, I think the irony was the point of the thread
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  3. #13
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think that if your non-verbal and verbal messages match to create a consistent message, no one will need to ask you what is wrong. If you don't want to talk about it, either hide it enough that no one will ask or don't go out where you will see people. Otherwise, it is often perceived as wanting to be cajoled or just being sulky and punishing those around you for something they aren't responsible for.

    If something is truly wrong, and you can't hide it but don't want to delve into it, you should assure the person that it has nothing to do with them and that you just need some time to process it. If it does have to do with them, but you're too upset to discuss it productively, it only seems right to tell the person that you need some time to gather your thoughts and then go for a walk or something.

    For me, I appreciate when people do care enough to ask if everything's alright. I try to be pretty upfront, although I am unlikely to spill to someone who isn't very close to me. I realize that there are some Fe/Fi differences on this though. What seems caring to me, may seem invasive to a Fi user and what seems sulky/rude to me may seem more like just being authentic and not fake when you aren't feeling something to a Fi user.

  4. #14
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think that if your non-verbal and verbal messages match to create a consistent message, no one will need to ask you what is wrong. If you don't want to talk about it, either hide it enough that no one will ask or don't go out where you will see people. Otherwise, it is often perceived as wanting to be cajoled or just being sulky and punishing those around you for something they aren't responsible for.

    If something is truly wrong, and you can't hide it but don't want to delve into it, you should assure the person that it has nothing to do with them and that you just need some time to process it. If it does have to do with them, but you're too upset to discuss it productively, it only seems right to tell the person that you need some time to gather your thoughts and then go for a walk or something.

    For me, I appreciate when people do care enough to ask if everything's alright. I try to be pretty upfront, although I am unlikely to spill to someone who isn't very close to me. I realize that there are some Fe/Fi differences on this though. What seems caring to me, may seem invasive to a Fi user and what seems sulky/rude to me may seem more like just being authentic and not fake when you aren't feeling something to a Fi user.
    I agree with the Fe/Fi thing.
    I'm very private about my feelings and always was amazed when people wore their hearts on their sleeves. If I'm really upset, it's common sense to me that people should let people have their privacy, and it's impossible for me to open up my heart to those who are perceived to be "haggling" me. And I've also wondered if this is an Fe/Fi thing.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  5. #15
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    [QUOTE=fidelia;1237496]I think that if your non-verbal and verbal messages match to create a consistent message, no one will need to ask you what is wrong. If you don't want to talk about it, either hide it enough that no one will ask or don't go out where you will see people. Otherwise, it is often perceived as wanting to be cajoled or just being sulky and punishing those around you for something they aren't responsible for.

    If something is truly wrong, and you can't hide it but don't want to delve into it, you should assure the person that it has nothing to do with them and that you just need some time to process it. If it does have to do with them, but you're too upset to discuss it productively, it only seems right to tell the person that you need some time to gather your thoughts and then go for a walk or something.

    For me, I appreciate when people do care enough to ask if everything's alright. I try to be pretty upfront, although I am unlikely to spill to someone who isn't very close to me. I realize that there are some Fe/Fi differences on this though. What seems caring to me, may seem invasive to a Fi user and what seems sulky/rude to me may seem more like just being authentic and not fake when you aren't feeling something to a Fi user.[/QUOTE]


  6. #16
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I don't wear my heart on my sleeve though and tend to be quite private with my feelings too. To me, it's just a matter of giving people the necessary information so that they are not left having to deal with the cloud of my bad feelings or are left feeling responsible for something that had nothing to do with them. I'm not advocating giving people information that you don't feel ready to share or feel that it is inappropriate/unnecessary to given the kind of relationship you have to that person. It seems to me that from a Fi perspective, that could be workable as long as the questioning party does not persist after they've been assured that their help is not required. Similarly, as a Fe user, I think I can learn to not expect a Fi user to ask about my well-being if I understand that they are trying to not be intrusive as they themselves would wish. I can also learn that they will feel burdened by my problems in a way that I would not were they to tell me theirs, so it is maybe better to share them with someone else if it is not absolutely critical.

  7. #17
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    Unfortunately, you also get people who call to ask the dreaded "Is something wrong?" question, then essentially demand a response from you.

    Yeah. When someone else imposes, I can't help it when they read my nonverbal cues and then proceed to act on them. The best way for people to avoid not having to deal with my negative feelings is to stop attempting to pry into them before I'm ready to talk about them.

  8. #18
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Do they not stop if you say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to talk about how I'm feeling. The best thing you could do is give me some time to myself right now."?

  9. #19
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    I try to get that point across.. but, well, I like your specific phrasing. Might have to try it when this stuff pops up again

  10. #20
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think the issue for most Fe users is that they feel a little bit responsible for other people's happiness/making things work for all and they also want to be helpful. If you assure them in that way that they actually are being helpful, they are more likely to be able to leave you alone rather than continue prodding. They also tend to do that because in Fe language, that's what seems caring to them. I appreciate it when someone does show concern and don't perceive it as invasive. If I don't want to disclose information, I just am specific about what they can do and it's usually all cool.

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