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  1. #11
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    and being in love? Other types can chime in too. This topic may be over-done but I haven't figured this one out. I think what I feel for him is a deep, caring, be the father of my children love, but there are days when I feel very differently. I switch back and forth constantly and I don't understand why I do that.
    i've been trying to think of a way to accurately describe this and i feel that i am failing miserably, so bear with me

    OK you know how they say with public opinion polls, one shouldn't look at specific poll results, but a trend, a string of poll results over longer periods of time?

    it's kind of like that, for me at least

    When i become infatuated with someone (romantic or otherwise), i tend to be very deeply infatuated with someone. I spend a great deal of my time thinking about them, talking with them, being with them...some days these feelings actually vary, like you've described above.

    but over stretches of time these feelings endure but they also...settle, almost. the "spark" isn't lost, it just settles, as opposed to "crashes". When that happens i move on and start the cycle all over again once i stumble upon the next engaging person.

    Very ADHD of me, i know it sounds pretty bad when it's all written out like this, but it's not that i just drop the person and forget about them, no...it's just the nature of that "connection" NFs seem to talk an awful lot about desiring. Some are short, but very intense..while others seem to just be made to endure regardless of what might come along.

    If the connection was something more to me than just an intense infatuation, it would continue to hold my attention regardless of what other options came around, I've found.
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  2. #12
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I'm going to second gromit in a way by saying that real love is something that develops over time, though I wouldn't necessarily call it "what's left over" ...that kind of love is actually much more powerful than the initial infatuation, in my one experience of having been in that kind of real love.
    Yeah maybe I should have said "what carries you through" or something...
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  3. #13
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    I don't know infatuation. Other people seem to get infatuated all the time, but I have never felt that way. I can only feel love, not some strange and complicated concept everyone who has experienced it seems to hate. Well, maybe I have ever been infatuated, but that must have been when I was 10, 11 or 12 and then I always found myself infatuated with superstars, because the boys I knew were not good enough for me. But ever since I started really loving someone for the first time, I couldn't get that "OMG HE'S LIKE SO CUTE!!!" thing anymore that all the other girls were able to experience. Unfortunately I can only fall for people because of who they are and not what they look like, which will probably mean falling in love is impossible for me because before love there always needs to be this overhated thing. Therefore I will probably stay single for the rest of my life. So please everyone, stop hating infatuation, because if you're not able to get infatuated anymore you will die a lonely death, just like me. Yay for infatuation!
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
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  4. #14
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    i really like what mmhmm said... for the sake of relationships, i think of "love" as like long-term, and infatuation as short-term. but i also don't necessarily believe in "the one", or that the ideal relationship lasts a lifetime.

    anyway, for me, i get VERY infatuated too -- spend much of my time thinking of them, about them, etc. i think about how well we work together, the color of their eyes, etc. and i tend to be infatuated for long periods of time. years. and it's hard for me to get truly annoyed at them, or if i do, i think it's me that's done wrong. and i do love them, as in care very deeply about them, but it hasn't crossed that threshold of no return.

    so then there's a certain point when i realize, i could be with this person for the rest of the foreseeable future - and that's ok with me. that conclusion is a HUGE deal to me, because i'm veryyy P, and i do not not not like making decisions and closing doors. because choosing that one person means NOT-choosing the other 6,854,750,033 people in the world. and when it's ok to permanently reject 6,854,750,033 options... that's pretty much it for me.

    i think there's a lot to be said about shared experiences, too. love grows with seeing someone in so many different situations and understanding them and watching them learn and change and struggle and triumph. that can't really happen with infatuation.

  5. #15
    Member EnflamedHeartofSand's Avatar
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    I asked a therapist that came into my work today this exact question, and he answered Infatuation is hope, Love is Work which I think pretty much sums it up

  6. #16
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I think when you're infatuated, you're in love with the idea of the person. Infatuation is purely in your head. It isn't necessarily influenced by the reality. Love is when, after getting to know them, you form a real bond with the person.

  7. #17
    Junior Member MagnifaSnail's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by angell_m View Post
    The word love frightens me; It can mean anything, and nothing, in literal and figurative speech. Some never use it, while others use it frequently.

    I doubt that I should be giving advice. Not because of my age, but because of my lack of experience in longterm meaningful relationships. I wouldn't dare to call what I feel "love." Since I spend a lot of my time alone, my hope turns into obsession, and my obsession turns into depression. Perhaps this is what you mean when you say infatuated? (Unreasonable passion?)

    I've not once said I love you to someone. I've many times wanted to say I love you, but given the short amount of time we've known eachother, and I mean realy short, it wouldn't have been appropriate. I'm talking weeks-, days, not even in a relationship,- type of short time.
    This sounds very, very similar to the way I feel, almost spot on, in fact. Almost like a paraphrase of my thoughts, or even an observation of them, weird. Except for the last bit, that is. It takes me a relatively long time to develop feelings for a person, or maybe just a long time to realize I have them?

    I think I've only developed "feelings" for a handful of people and for any of them it was a realization made after knowing them for a year or more. But I've still never expressed myself to anyone, though. I guess I fall slow but hard, when I first meet people, and even many people I've come to know, I'm simply disinterested in them at best. Often times I outright dislike or am annoyed by new people and "friends"/acquaintances.

    But I've deviated enough from the topic, so I'll shut up, for now.

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