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[ENFP] ENFP and childhood friendships

KLessard

Aspiring Troens Ridder
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
595
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w2
I happen to know three female ENFPs rather well, one who is a recent friend (I befriended her 2 years ago and she opens up quite intensely to me), my big sister and her daughter.

The three of them seem to describe their childhood as lonely and admit having / having had difficulties with friendships.
Can other ENFPs relate and share their experiences?
Thank you!
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
Never had any close friendships when I was a kid, aside from one in 5th grade. He turned out to be a piece of shit, but luckily that has to this day been the sole disappointment I ever got with someone. I used to be pretty much of a loner apart from when I was at school, for the most part.

Funny how my middle school friends slowly became some of my best friends and we still hang out to this day. And to this day they say I'm anti-social :laugh:


I stayed in and played videogames all day. That's how I became awesome.
 

Queen Kat

The Duchess of Oddity
Joined
Apr 3, 2009
Messages
3,053
MBTI Type
E.T.
Enneagram
7w8
I actually only had bad luck with friendships when I was little. I was able to make friends, but I never got the chance to maintain these friendships. Back then it was trendy to move away to another country and many families of friends of mine emigrated, to Belgium, Greece or Portugal for example. The only place I had the chance to develop real friendships, was at school. In my street I happened to be the only girl somehow and the boys didn't accept me whenever I asked them if I could play with them. I also went to ballet, but there I turned out to be very different than the rest of the girls. These girls were very serious about ballet and practiced very much, while I actually never really understood what ballet was actually about. And well, the school friends all moved to places far, far away. The oldest friend I have right now I got to know when I was 12, 13 years old, so I know her for almost 6 years. High school was a harder time for me when it comes to friends. There I got in fight with almost everyone, also because the rest of the people were very serious and I'm unable be seriously serious. But well, I hope things like these will be changing in the future. Or maybe I should become the one who's movinh all the time.
 

stringstheory

THIS bitch
Joined
Jul 12, 2009
Messages
923
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ENFP
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1
Yeah, i most certainly did....i felt really isolated from most of the other kids. I was a very outgoing, friendly child, but that somehow translated as "weird" and as a result I didn't have very many friends. Even the people I was "friends" with weren't very good to me; I hung out with about 2 people until about 4th grade, a guy and a girl, and the girl really liked the guy who just happened to find it REALLY funny to make fun of me, so she joined in on the fun too.

I don't think I made any really good friends until 5th grade..some of those people I am still very good friends with despite being in very different places in our lives.

Middle school was miserable but I came out of it having some other very good friends.

Most of my high school friends were friends from elementary/middle school..those that weren't actually don't have much of a place in my life anymore. interesting.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
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784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Hmm..I didn't have these issues. I was shy until maybe 3rd or 4th grade but people were always really nice to me. I didn't have a hard time making friends.
 

Vamp

New member
Joined
Jul 2, 2010
Messages
579
MBTI Type
ENFP
I happen to know three female ENFPs rather well, one who is a recent friend (I befriended her 2 years ago and she opens up quite intensely to me), my big sister and her daughter.

The three of them seem to describe their childhood as lonely and admit having / having had difficulties with friendships.
Can other ENFPs relate and share their experiences?
Thank you!

I can relate. I was pretty lonely. I felt different, yadda yadda yadda. Other kids didn't really befriend me but one girl did and we were friends until our teens when being at a distance and growing up got in the way. I had people I hung out with but it wasn't close, bonding stuff. It's been that way ever since.
 

Liesl

New member
Joined
Jun 20, 2010
Messages
204
Yes, most of my friends were SJ and STP, and I had a hard time relating to anyone my age.
 

Ratsimoan

New member
Joined
Mar 25, 2010
Messages
289
MBTI Type
enfp
Enneagram
4w5
I had a lot of friends during my childhood. I was very outgoing. I don't think I was lonely as a child. But in my pre-teens and teens years, I discover loneliness and still experiencing it in my adult years.
 

Chloe

New member
Joined
May 1, 2009
Messages
2,196
I had a lot of friends during my childhood. I was very outgoing. I don't think I was lonely as a child. But in my pre-teens and teens years, I discover loneliness and still experiencing it in my adult years.

+1

until 12-13 years old i had many very close friends, about 10 very close that i was everyday with, all day usually, and about 10-20 more superficial but also cared very much about them too
some of them were grown ups (less close group), i liked being friends with some grown ups
i am now much less social.
 

You

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Jun 8, 2010
Messages
2,124
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entp
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7w8
Outside of school I was a big loner. I was mostly that way all the way up through high school. I got clingy with the folks that were friends - but now I am just back to being a loner again. A lot safer.
 
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mmhmm

meinmeinmein!
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
2,280
i have no problems hanging out with people. or meeting new people.
it's just that as i grow older, i find that there's fewer people i actually want to hangout with.
 

Esoteric Wench

Professional Trickster
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
945
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ENFP
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7w8
i have no problems hanging out with people. or meeting new people.
it's just that as i grow older, i find that there's fewer people i actually want to hangout with.

+1000. Maybe this is true for all personality types. However, since being able to talk to anyone about anything is one of the hallmarks of being an ENFP, understanding the development of this more discriminating perspective seems to be important to understanding ENFPs.

Said in another way, I find that one of the foibles of getting older is that I have an increasingly minimal patience for bullsh*t.
 

revolve

New member
Joined
Jan 13, 2009
Messages
243
+1000. Maybe this is true for all personality types. However, since being able to talk to anyone about anything is one of the hallmarks of being an ENFP, understanding the development of this more discriminating perspective seems to be important to understanding ENFPs.

Said in another way, I find that one of the foibles of getting older is that I have an increasingly minimal patience for bullsh*t.


YES YES YES esoteric wench - especially to your last sentence! i actually have an issue where i "dump" "friends" / "acquaintances" far too easily - like . . . i have a very low tolerance for drama and / or manipulation & when i "sense" it, i'm kinda done. i don't mind people who have problems or issues in their lives whatsoever . . . i just don't tolerate people who play games with ME . . . and female friends will do this to you too . . . it's not just about romantic relationships . . . man oh man is my friend list shrinking . . . it's a little scarey, but whatever
 

JoyOfTraveling

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Joined
Jul 13, 2010
Messages
21
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ENFP
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7
I was VERY shy as a kid (well, till about 19 actually) and felt NO ONE around me understood me- I threw myself into a myriad of activities and made myself happy by being in crowded situations but its only now I am comfortable being me.
 

Blossom500

New member
Joined
Jul 11, 2010
Messages
142
MBTI Type
ENFP
I had a lot of problems with friendships. I always felt very different. I used to hang around with geeks a bit towards the end of high school because they accepted me as I was I guess. I had was never with the 'in crowd' could not stand the bitching. I guess I was more of a what I would call a drifter. I was liked by most people until the cool people went to far and I stood up for the people they picked on. Kind managed to get myself ostracized that way. Was involved in the church youth scene in music and everyone knew me but I did not know them. My closer friends were always significantly older than me. I still have a lot of friends who are a lot older. I tend to polarize people they either "get me" and love me or they think I am a know it all... which I know I'm not but I do have opinions and I do brainstorm without letting others know that is what I am doing (trying to change this) so they think I think I know all the answers.:cry:

Find it hard to let people really in... but then my inner life is so chaotic and a little depressing sometimes I don't really think it is a good look.
 

stalemate

Post-Humorously
Joined
May 6, 2010
Messages
1,402
MBTI Type
ENFP
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7w6
Hmm..I didn't have these issues. I was shy until maybe 3rd or 4th grade but people were always really nice to me. I didn't have a hard time making friends.
Pretty much the same for me except I was around 6th or 7th grade before I stopped being shy.

The biggest issue I had as far as making friends is that I was friends with everyone.. all types, but the different cliques were not friends with each other. It was hard when I would be hanging out with my nerdier friends and my more athletic friends would come over and make fun of everyone in the group except me.
 

Wonkavision

Retired Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2009
Messages
1,154
MBTI Type
ENFP
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7w8
When I was a kid I was outgoing and got along with people very easily, and, by most standards, would have been considered "popular."

I don't recall ever feeling lonely as a child.

The problem, however, was that I hated conflict and was terrified of rejection---so I was rarely willing to risk displeasing others.

If I had dared to risk displeasing others more often I might have ended up lonely at times, but I think that it would have been worth it.

The older I get, the more willing I am to risk displeasing others. This has resulted in a far less active social life and occasional feelings of loneliness, but the payoff is that I am not caught in the rat race of seeking approval all the time.
 
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Spastic_Blondie

New member
Joined
Jul 12, 2010
Messages
53
MBTI Type
ENFP
People didn't really understand me was the thing. They thought I was weird, or annoying, or had my head too far in the clouds. Constantly day-dreaming and overly hyper. They made fun of me a lot...so yeah, I had this problem too. I started being able to form friendships much more easily in junior high and high school, when I matured a little. I'm still not as popular as I'd like to be, but I don't have much difficulty connecting with people and making friends.
 
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