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[NF] NF's - I sincerly ask you for help

themarlins

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2010
Messages
117
i'm entp sx7w8. i'm a renegade. im a bad person. ive done some terrible things in my life. ive hurt people. ive used people. ive been mean to some people. ive been anti social. i'm overly critical.

I just want to be a nicer person. It feels SO hard for me to just conform and be co-operative. I always want to rebel. I always want to cause trouble. I dont know why I feel that way.

I feel like an asshole. Can I ever be forgiven for my sins? How can I turn it around and be more positive?

I actually used to take pride in being an outlaw. But I'm truly unhappy right now. I've been in trouble with the law and lost alot. I feel like there isnt much hope. I see NFs who are happy go lucky and always optimistic. I see them getting along with everyone. I envy those things and want to be like that. What can I do with myself? How can I be a better person who fits into society? How can I get along better with others and make more friends?
 

Abstract Thinker

New member
Joined
Jun 3, 2010
Messages
323
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

That pretty much says it all for me, and it's how I try to live my life. I've been in every kind of trouble too and that's how I turned it around. I'm not a religious person, but The Golden Rule is a powerful idea. It's sometimes hard to do, but it will pay off, I promise.

The fact that you're asking is a good sign. :nice:
 

themarlins

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2010
Messages
117
On one hand I dont care about people and think I dont need anyone. OTOH, I wish I could live a normal lifestyle and not be so isolated.

I'm so guarded. It's impossible for me to open up to anyone anymore. I'm so jaded and hardened. I can't let my guard down even if I try. I didn't grow up like normal people I guess. I'm basically a thug, and I want to change that.
 

Snuggletron

Reptilian
Joined
Sep 25, 2009
Messages
2,224
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
10
develop a decent conscience and use it regularly. You can still retain your individual outlaw-ness, but put it after the thought of being tact.
 

themarlins

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2010
Messages
117
develop a decent conscience and use it regularly. You can still retain your individual outlaw-ness, but put it after the thought of being tact.

Conscience? I'm so blind to that.

I dont feel for anyone. I have very little sympathy. Even when I try to feel, I just can't. It's actually kind of sad when I think about it.

I dont think about right and wrong. It takes a long time for me to be able to put myself in anothers shoes.

*sigh*. Not sure what else to say. I dont even feel human anymore.

Tact is hard for me. I speak my mind too openly. I'm making an effort to say nice things about people now.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
i just project how i feel onto others...i know that people have different triggers..but i imagine most people have felt pain of some kind and i don't want to be the one who causes it and i also know what it feels like to need help or support of some kind so...i offer it whenever i can...i know that a warm smile from a stranger on a bad day makes me feel better...so i smile at people who seem frustrated or alone...i like to think we're all the same...we all have our shit to deal with...what goes around comes around and all that.
 

Snuggletron

Reptilian
Joined
Sep 25, 2009
Messages
2,224
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
10
Conscience? I'm so blind to that.

I dont feel for anyone. I have very little sympathy. Even when I try to feel, I just can't. It's actually kind of sad when I think about it.

I dont think about right and wrong. It takes a long time for me to be able to put myself in anothers shoes.

*sigh*. Not sure what else to say. I dont even feel human anymore.

Tact is hard for me. I speak my mind too openly. I'm making an effort to say nice things about people now.

Well, there is nothing wrong with just realizing what you are exactly. But If you're losing out a lot or unhappy because of your behavior, then it's probably not a bad idea to think on it and try and change it. Just observe others, try and see how things affect them. It's hard to identify with you on not being able to be empathetic.
 

Xellotath

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
176
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
Yes... NFs hold the secrets to happiness.

Confess your sins!

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I don't think morality, social relations and law-abidingness has much to do with being a particular personality type.

As for all that atonement for past sins.... Whatever, just please don't convert to Christianity. The born-again story is so so boring...

I don't mean to sound mean. But your post is so spectacularly vague considering the supposed pain you're in.
 

Tiltyred

New member
Joined
Dec 1, 2008
Messages
4,322
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
468
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Move about every 3 years.
 

KLessard

Aspiring Troens Ridder
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
595
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w2
I think you might have psychological issues to be dealt with if you are acting this way. You should look back and examine your past, your childhood difficulties and all. That would be a good start. What was / is your relationship with your parents like?

Also, being a Christian, I believe that only by being renewed spiritually and receiving God's salvation can we really change and be good. NFs can be bad and make mistakes too.

All temperaments can be good and useful to society. Yours included.
Your desire to change is a great step. :) It is the first step to salvation.
 

Vamp

New member
Joined
Jul 2, 2010
Messages
579
MBTI Type
ENFP
i'm entp sx7w8. i'm a renegade. im a bad person. ive done some terrible things in my life. ive hurt people. ive used people. ive been mean to some people. ive been anti social. i'm overly critical.

I just want to be a nicer person. It feels SO hard for me to just conform and be co-operative. I always want to rebel. I always want to cause trouble. I dont know why I feel that way.

I feel like an asshole. Can I ever be forgiven for my sins? How can I turn it around and be more positive?

I actually used to take pride in being an outlaw. But I'm truly unhappy right now. I've been in trouble with the law and lost alot. I feel like there isnt much hope. I see NFs who are happy go lucky and always optimistic. I see them getting along with everyone. I envy those things and want to be like that. What can I do with myself? How can I be a better person who fits into society? How can I get along better with others and make more friends?

Seek out professional help if you haven't already and actively try to change. A message board is a poor substitute. Do no harm.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
Yeah, I think you need a professional - this kind of "hardening" you speak of may be a personality disorder that is the result of your childhood. It's great that you're aware of it and want to change, but because of your life experiences you may not be able to overcome this by yourself. Please see a counselor of some type.
 

themarlins

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2010
Messages
117
i dont think its a personality disorder.

its the way i was raised. my life experience.

why did i post this in the nf forum? because nfs are the only ones irl who have made me feel different and brought something out of me. its hard to describe. i dig your style.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
i dont think its a personality disorder.

its the way i was raised. my life experience.

why did i post this in the nf forum? because nfs are the only ones irl who have made me feel different and brought something out of me. its hard to describe. i dig your style.

Personality disorders usually come from the way you were raised and childhood experiences. It does not involve having any sort of chemical imbalance.

But, anyway, good luck with everything. :hug:
 

Sparrow

New member
Joined
May 28, 2010
Messages
2,366
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Im in love with an ENTP who once had the "thug mentality", Im proud to say that I somewhat tamed the lion :). We both learned a lot from each other :) people can change if they really want to. His child hood was crazy, and he didnt really learn how to deal with people from his parents, he was on the streets for a long time, and very rebellious and self destructive. If I were you I would move out of town, far away and surround yourself around new people, maybe even go to school (thats what he did after he got out of LA County). If you cant move at least ditch the negative people in your life. Or maybe fall in love with an NF chick ;). He is still an asshole every now and then, but deep down he is truly good to me and his friends. Hes toned it down BIG TIME from when we first met. Whiskey was part of the problem in the beginning, so he stays away from that. Anyway we have been together for 4 years now. Like I said earlier people can change if they want to! Its still a work in progress but hes changed a lot. I love him <3! Blah Blah Blah I talk to much. Hope everything turns around for you eventually :)
 

Moiety

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
You'll need to feel sadness before becoming better. Don't try acting a way you can't act (nice), but instead try stopping yourself from doing or saying things you have the notion are bad to others. Just don't say anything when you would normally say a bad thing. Practice that self-control. Isolate yourself.

You'll start feeling like shit. But it will make you understand other's pain better, create empathy and put your methods into perspective. Sadness will heal you. Slowly but surely. And by sadness I don't mean anger. Anger is not good.


But yeah, go to a psychologist. They might help you somewhat too.


And like someone else said don't take the religion route. You don't have to believe in an imaginary entity to be a better person.
 

Words of Ivory

facettes de la petite mor
Joined
Jun 19, 2010
Messages
492
MBTI Type
INFJ
I just want to be a nicer person. It feels SO hard for me to just conform and be co-operative. I always want to rebel. I always want to cause trouble. I dont know why I feel that way.
It's nothing to do with conforming, mate. If you know your actions to be wrong, simply do not do them.

I know it sounds like a cop-out answer, but it's the truth. Just don't do the things you know in your head are wrong. If you think your actions are immoral, that should be all you need to not act on them.

Here's the important question... what has motivated you to use people in the first place? Answer that, and you have a good place to start thinking forward from.

Oh jeez, an INFJ giving life lessons to an ENTP. I'm living the stereotype!
 

revolve

New member
Joined
Jan 13, 2009
Messages
243
You'll need to feel sadness before becoming better. Don't try acting a way you can't act (nice), but instead try stopping yourself from doing or saying things you have the notion are bad to others. Just don't say anything when you would normally say a bad thing. Practice that self-control. Isolate yourself.

You'll start feeling like shit. But it will make you understand other's pain better, create empathy and put your methods into perspective. Sadness will heal you. Slowly but surely. And by sadness I don't mean anger. Anger is not good.


But yeah, go to a psychologist. They might help you somewhat too.


And like someone else said don't take the religion route. You don't have to believe in an imaginary entity to be a better person.

i completely agree with Sytpg & this is the path i would reccommend to you as well. just try to do nothing for a while. don't worry about doing good . . . just don't do any bad . . . so do nothing. go inward. check out taoism & buddhism books (whatever speaks to you) . . . and BE with your pain. do not flee from it . . . and try to write / journal . . . just free flow . . . stream of consciousness style in order to help you to reflect / or FEEL. you have so much power over yourself / over your brain / over your thinking . . . you just have to work at it . . . hang in there :hug:
 

toast

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2009
Messages
239
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
No way can you do or have what you are wanting without caring about someone else. No way. That's your first goal. If people tell you to look at yourself and work on yourself, but you have no one and nothing because you've set up your life so you have nothing to lose, it won't do any good in my opinion. You're going to get tired of caring how you are again and give up. Get a pet first or something, but dedicate yourself to someone or something.
 
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