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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deja Vu View Post
    Well sometimes you meet people that just click marmalade. Of course there are some people that after a certain time you can't just pick up where you left off, or aren't exact puzzple pieces. But then, sometimes, occassionally, rarely, you'll meet that person that is not just a piece to a side of you, but to all the other sides too. You can be absolutely open about every portion of your person.

    I've never met someone like that, but I've come across certain people in my life time that so little of what I said needed explaining and we could talk for hours, on hours, and do whatever together and it wouldn't matter. And that is something that instant. Right when we met - it was just instant understanding of what we stood for, looked to the future for, and everything.
    Yeah I've come across people I've just "clicked" with...and I suspect that it may have to do with Fi use - no matter what exact type - or maybe even common backgrounds and shared interests, things unrelated to type.

    I just see a lot of people here saying that NFJs understand them better than anyone, and while my experience of NFJs is that they are understanding people ...they don't particularly get me more than anyone else. In fact, my ENFJ sister and I are quite close, but she doesn't get my Fi at all....she totally does not understand it.

    Or on this forum, for example, I've watched an INFJ in action as she tries to understand other people...and it seems that she extends that courtesy to people she respects, in general.

    My bff from high school is an ENFJ, I think, and she's very personable, and we have a deep connection, but we don't understand every single thing about each other.

    Same thing with my ex...we were together five years, had a very deep connection...he's probably eSFP...but, again, we did not completely understand each other.

    I even remember feeling a certain unspoken bond of understanding with my ISTJ grandfather sometimes, but he and I were outwardly about as different as day and night.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I just see a lot of people here saying that NFJs understand them better than anyone, and while my experience of NFJs is that they are understanding people ...they don't particularly get me more than anyone else. In fact, my ENFJ sister and I are quite close, but she doesn't get my Fi at all....she totally does not understand it.

    Or on this forum, for example, I've watched an INFJ in action as she tries to understand other people...and it seems that she extends that courtesy to people she respects, in general.

    My bff from high school is an ENFJ, I think, and she's very personable, and we have a deep connection, but we don't understand every single thing about each other.
    This is interesting, and I highlighted these points because I think I read "understand" in a different manner than you did. Rather than seeing the word as meaning one can interpret or figure me out, i saw it more in terms of an appreciation or consciousness/awareness of the processes i use, even if they themselves cannot relate to or comprehend them fully themselves.

    I don't know quite what it means, but it's still kinda interesting. With the former definition I feel like yes, that is something that sorta transcends type ime and goes more into that "clicking" thing ya'll are talking about; my INTJ partner (among other friends of various other types) is like that and lord knows they certainly aren't known for that kind of thing, and yet.....

    With the latter, I think in my experience it's also as you said, NFJs seem to be rather understanding people who make a conscious effort to try and understand others, even if the processes are foreign. i'm not totally convinced on how much type comes into play here tho, I would be inclined to assume that most people would be inclined to invest this energy into someone who they care about. Maybe it's more that it's easier/requires significantly LESS energy in order to have understanding between two varying types? i dunno..
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  3. #33
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    <Semi-Off-Topic>

    Why is it that some people just... CRAVE to be "understood"? Out of curiosity.

    As for me, I live in the constant fear of actually being understood. SO SCARY.

    (FYI: My Ariel avatar is there just to remind myself to be more fluffy and less abrasive on the forums. Yes, I'm dead serious. I never even watched the movie. Don't know anything about it.)
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  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    <Semi-Off-Topic>

    Why is it that some people just... CRAVE to be "understood"? Out of curiosity.

    As for me, I live in the constant fear of actually being understood. SO SCARY.

    (FYI: My Ariel avatar is there just to remind myself to be more fluffy and less abrasive on the forums. Yes, I'm dead serious. I never even watched the movie. Don't know anything about it.)
    I'd honestly rather be genuinely loved than genuinely understood. As long as I feel I have a certain connection with someone and have things in common with them, I don't need or expect them to understand everything about me. That's where things like tolerance and compromise come in, which are a part of any mature relationship. I think relinquishing any need I once had to be completely understood has ironically allowed me to feel closer to more people.

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    <Semi-Off-Topic>

    Why is it that some people just... CRAVE to be "understood"? Out of curiosity.
    I dunno if crave is the right word, but i do rather enjoy it when the opportunity arises, and it is of somewhat higher importance in my romantic relationships than in others. it's a nice internal sensation, if you will.

    Why people crave though, i can only speculate. then again, why do people crave anything? hmmmmmm

    (FYI: My Ariel avatar is there just to remind myself to be more fluffy and less abrasive on the forums. Yes, I'm dead serious. I never even watched the movie. Don't know anything about it.)
    Hehehe
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  6. #36
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I'd honestly rather be genuinely loved than genuinely understood. As long as I feel I have a certain connection with someone and have things in common with them, I don't need or expect them to understand everything about me. That's where things like tolerance and compromise come in, which are a part of any mature relationship. I think relinquishing any need I once had to be completely understood has ironically allowed me to feel closer to more people.


    I'm inclined to think that a truly complete understanding of each other in a relationship would actually ruin the relationship. Thoughts, anyone?

    Quote Originally Posted by stringstheory View Post
    I dunno if crave is the right word, but i do rather enjoy it when the opportunity arises, and it is of somewhat higher importance in my romantic relationships than in others. it's a nice internal sensation, if you will.
    I can see how it would be nice. To be accepted for what you really are...

    I'm one of those people whose demeanor belies their true selves, IRL.

    Why people crave though, i can only speculate. then again, why do people crave anything? hmmmmmm
    It's in the neurotransmitters...?

    Hehehe
    I love abusing emoticons for the same reason.
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  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    I'm inclined to think that a truly complete understanding of each other in a relationship would actually ruin the relationship. Thoughts, anyone?
    I'm actually not sure I believe such an understanding is possible, really. The wide variety of experiences and knowledge that we all have as individuals transcends type methinks.


    It's in the neurotransmitters...?
    Heh, fair enough

    I love abusing emoticons for the same reason.
    i'm sort of the same actually..i often get mistaken for being "upset" in debates or discussions when i'm just kind of an enthusiastic person so i throw them in for good measure. IRL i can't use emoticons so i take full advantage on here!
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  8. #38
    Senior Member Abstract Thinker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I'd honestly rather be genuinely loved than genuinely understood. As long as I feel I have a certain connection with someone and have things in common with them, I don't need or expect them to understand everything about me. That's where things like tolerance and compromise come in, which are a part of any mature relationship. I think relinquishing any need I once had to be completely understood has ironically allowed me to feel closer to more people.
    Win!

    Well said, marmalade.

  9. #39
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    INTJs understand me well.
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  10. #40
    Senior Member angelhair45's Avatar
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    I'm not just extending this to romantic relationships. My husband is ESTP. He genuinely loves me, but he doesn't get me or understand me the way a few friends in my life have.

    I think since I have to talk things out before I know how I feel about something, that makes me crave understanding. Usually I'm talking, talking, talking, and I know they don't "get" 50% if what I'm saying. It's such a wonderful experience when you can share your thoughts and ideas not only do they not look at you like you are a little crazy, but they even consider those ideas as possibilities themselves. It's always been an amazing experience for me when I feel understood. Probably because I always feel misunderstood. I also am and ENFP who grew up in a small town with an very well-known ISTJ for a step-father, and and ESTJ mother. Talk about feeling misunderstood. They thought I might be certifiably crazy because I was so different than they are So yeah, it's nice when people understand you.
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