User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 31

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    214

    Default INFJ having difficulties to find a love...

    People believe that I'm intelectually intimidating, too serious and that my strong personality and deep nature make the guys around me "afraid" of me at first sight, making them think that I'm inaccessible for them.
    This is the impression that people have of me firstly, but when they get closer they see my caring nature etc.
    Finding a love is being a hard time for me, because I'm very shy in this aspect, and I'm not the kind of flirty girl... and I don't know what to do about this. My ESFJ grandma and my ISFJ mom try to help me to put my feet on the ground and stop to search the Ultimate Relationship, but I still find it very hard.

    Someone here that have or had this problem? How did you deal with this?
    Last edited by cfs1992; 07-06-2010 at 08:43 PM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    446

    Default

    As an ENTJ I had this problem a LOT! That is because most people (about 65%) are Sensory so they don't take such an in depth, probing approach to life as we do. They tend to zone out when we ask to many questions or spend too much time sharing our amazing insights into the meaning of life. . . .

    Also, INFJ is very rare (and so are female ENTJ women). So finding someone who appreciates your uniqueness is hard to do. Your ESFJ grandma and ISFJ mom don't relate to your struggles because they aren't looking for that same intense meeting of the minds in a mate that you are. You in fact would be miserable without it.

    My advice would be to take their advice with a grain of salt. In some ways it is true . . . you need to stop looking for the ULTIMATE RELATIONSHIP and begin simply living the ULTIMATE LIFE. In time, in some surprising way the relationship will come. But not if you are sitting around waiting for it to happen.

    On the other hand, they will never relate to what you are looking for, because they simply need someone who makes them laugh and feel appreciated. This is a lot easier to find than a meeting of the minds. So necessarily sell out just because a guy finds you attractive.

    And forgive yourself for not having a relationship! Just because you don't have one doesn't meant that you are incapable of having one or somehow unlovable. Don't measure your worth on what you have, but on who you are and what you are doing with who you are! Fall in love with yourself and you will be happy with or without someone else.

    In the meantime find a cause to support. You are the kind of person who will need to know that what they are doing in life really means something bigger than just feeding your face. You will need to feel like you are helping someone else and that your existence is crucial to someone. In the meantime you just might find yourself surrounded with people who appreciate your depth and passion!

    I apologize in advance . . . as an ENTJ I find myself offering advice to fix problems not just to listen . . . so if I've offended I am sorry. I used to be in your shoes when I was in my 20s, now the wisdom of 40s has taken away a lot of the angst!

  3. #3
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    2
    Posts
    931

    Default

    I had the same problem with the intensity when I was dating. Usually relationships lasted about 3 months, then the guy felt like it was "too much." But my husband loves my intensity and he is just as intense!! So keep looking - put yourself out there and you will eventually find Mr. "I not only can handle your intensity, but I think you are the greatest person I know."

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    53

    Default

    I have the same problem. I'm an ENFJ, but I've always had trouble finding a guy, particularly one that I liked (and the mental connection is VERY important for me). I've had one boyfriend, but after four months he broke up with me. He couldn't handle much conflict/confrontation, and my emotions were just too intense for him.

    The problem is that, being an NF, I deeply crave romance and an ideal relationship, so not having it always causes me to feel like there is a giant hole in my heart. I won't settle for less than the absolute best (at least best in my mind ), but I also can't seem to deal with the result of that decision, which is usually having nothing at all.

    It's a terrible and lonely existence. Not sure how much that helps...but yeah, I'm in the same boat that you are.

  5. #5
    Sniffles
    Guest

    Default

    Welcome to the club.

  6. #6
    Rainy Day Member Ingrid in grids's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    1,624

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Peguy View Post
    Welcome to the club.
    Here, here.

  7. #7
    Phantonym
    Guest

    Default

    Hm. Never really had a problem with that. I've always just figured that if people can't handle me, good riddance. I'd rather be alone than go through constant drama even though I'm most probably the one causing all the drama in the first place.

  8. #8
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    2,631

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    Hm. Never really had a problem with that. I've always just figured that if people can't handle me, good riddance. I'd rather be alone than go through constant drama even though I'm most probably the one causing all the drama in the first place.
    I agree!

    When I was younger I thought I would never like anybody. At first I thought there was something wrong with me, because all my friends were falling in love left and right, so I even tried to force myself to like boys Of course, that didn't work out. I felt like no one could ever understand me.

    But, when it happens it just happens. Don't worry, people, the right person for you will come along. There are people out there who can understand and appreciate who you are. Be careful when that happens, though, because then you fall hard

  9. #9
    Phantonym
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    Be careful when that happens, though, because then you fall hard
    Oh...that definitely smells like trouble.

  10. #10
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INfJ
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,456

    Default

    I have a hard time finding love as well. Unfortunately I have a habit of falling for people that have little interest in me (either cos they are with someone, or I'm just not their type), or may find me difficult to get to know. There's someone that I am interested in, just I'm unsure if the feeling is mutual, I think he might just think of me as a classmate, rather than potential dating material. But for some reason, I can't let go of the feelings I have for him. He's one of those guys that is sweet and understanding, and has these blue eyes that sparkle with imagination and vision. We both have similar passions, just he's much more extroverted and laid-back than I am. I suspect he's an ENFJ.

    But, if it isn't meant to be between us, then I'm not going to sweat it. I used to get bent out of shape over things like this, but I've just kind of learned to deal with it somehow. I yearn for finding true love... as much of a fairy tale it may seem, I think there is someone out there that's right for me. Believing in this helps me to move past the losses.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




Similar Threads

  1. [ENFJ] ENFJ and INFJ Relationships - How to Love Them
    By copperfish17 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 137
    Last Post: 10-27-2015, 03:31 AM
  2. [Ne] Do Unhealthy INFJs Test People to Find Weakness?
    By Winds of Thor in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 03-27-2012, 08:02 PM
  3. [INFJ] How do INFJ's learn to feel safe being loved?
    By Lenian in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 01-30-2012, 05:16 PM
  4. [INFJ] Where to find INFJ's
    By Argus in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 64
    Last Post: 12-18-2009, 07:49 PM
  5. [INFJ] Where to find an INFJ?
    By YoungGun2112 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 215
    Last Post: 06-14-2009, 03:55 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO