been 3 years since i've been in an actual relationship. i may (lightly) date 1 or 2 women a year, but thats about it.
i idealize a lot. the majorities of relationships with women i have these days is mental. i'll meet a woman i like, romanticize on the idea of being with her, and either wear myself out on it and grow bored and never pursue it, or half-ass pursue it and sabotage it for myself.
i also have a bad habit of getting a girl's number and never calling her. not as much because i am not attracted to her. i could be extremely attracted to her and i just don't call. i find all kinds of excuses not to call.
i also have a fear of being rejected by a woman i see or cross paths with on a regular basis. i'll never make a move or botch my own first moves.