Looking back, I think it really did have a lot to do with being more in love with the idealized fantasy than anyone real. Guys who ignored me were perfect because I could never get close enough for them to come tumbling down off the pedestal I'd built in my fantastical, sickly sweet romantic mind.
Funny enough, my two best intimate relationships have been with two men who pursued me and showed interest. My crappy marriage was with a man I pursued and who didn't show a lot of interest at first.
I find it really hard to describe just how my mind works in terms of imagining that ideal, perfect relationship. It's like my mind has subconsciously gathered every single trait I've ever liked in anyone I've ever met and thrown them in a combine inside my mind. There are also 'seasonings' gained from books I've read, or movies I've seen, or romantic images provoked by many hours of music. It's this intricately woven idealization that can be very hard for me to shake (this goes in terms of friendships as well as partner relationships).
I'm in a relationship now and basically I just make a habit of smacking myself awake if I'm drifting too far into my fantastical, visceral visions. I try to keep myself conscious of who he is and what I love about the REALITY of him, rather than thinking about all the areas he falls short of that unattainable thing in my head.
When I was younger, I found it hard to get the same warm, secure feeling from real relationships as I did thinking about these perfect little ideas in my head. It can still be hard for me, sometimes my boyfriend will come out with something unexpected, or I'll feel upset by something he said or did, or I'll be let-down by something and I'll be tempted to go tumbling down into that tunnel of disappointment that reality doesn't 'match' my ideas. It's like brain-tweaking and reminding myself to see who my boyfriend really is and what our relationship really is rather than having my perceptions trained on what it isn't.
If that makes sense!