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  1. #1
    Senior Member gigi_xo's Avatar
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    Default NFs and ENFPs and meeting new people...

    okay so I know I'm an extrovert but i feel like most NFs can contribute...

    I started a new part time job this weekend and had to meet a million people. I was able to charm all of the people I spent one-on-one time with, one of them an obvious sort of SJ was introducing me to others as

    "Hey, this is the new girl! Yeah, I actually like she, she's one of the nice ones"

    and that seemed so awkward saying in front of me, but it was cute.

    and then the other people I spent a lot of time with, were like "You are so funny, and easy to talk too, I'm so glad we're working together"

    and "I can talk to you so much more than to other people""


    But my problem is when I'm not with people one-on-one I get a bit awkward and shy and feel like I NEVER say the right thing in groups of new acquaintances who all already know each other. I felt so uncomfortable... when in the group situation they weren't unwelcoming but they were very SP and SJ, like entirely pronounced (most of them, some I dont know) and discussing down to earth issues and it really didn't help they were all already friends... I didn't know what to say and ended up being really quiet, afriad I wouldn't make any sense...

    for example

    girl at work: So, what's your story, honey?
    me: Oh.... um.... yeah... I'm really uh... short...
    girl: I meant, like, where are you from, dear?



    i sounded retarded.


    is this normal? How does one act more calm and normal around groups like that?
    I live my life for the stars that shine & people say its just a waste of time- Oasis

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  2. #2
    Senior Member Pixelholic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gigi_xo View Post
    But my problem is when I'm not with people one-on-one I get a bit awkward and shy and feel like I NEVER say the right thing in groups of new acquaintances who all already know each other. I felt so uncomfortable... when in the group situation they weren't unwelcoming but they were very SP and SJ, like entirely pronounced (most of them, some I dont know) and discussing down to earth issues and it really didn't help they were all already friends... I didn't know what to say and ended up being really quiet, afriad I wouldn't make any sense...
    I have the same problem. While I like meeting new people, I don't like meeting new people because I'm worried I always come off as horribly awkward. It's even worse when it's a group of people that know each other and I'm the new one, i get super quiet (this is actually why one of my friends is convinced i'm emo >_<)

    I try to come up with anecdotes that fit with the conversation topic but then I become worried that I'm coming off as egocentric.

    Maybe it's an issue of overthinking other people's reactions or something?
    “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” -Nietzsche

  3. #3
    The Duchess of Oddity Queen Kat's Avatar
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    As long as people don't exclusively talk about getting drunk and other people, I guess I'm fine.
    I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower. The TV was obviously on. I used to fly myself and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
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  4. #4
    Post-Humorously stalemate's Avatar
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    I kind of have the same issue in groups of new people. I will generally do some combination of the following:

    - observe and listen

    - crack jokes (generally about some of the new-to-me peoples' interactions with each other)

    - steer the conversation where i want it to go in order to avoid situations like above where you felt dumb for not understanding what they were wanting from you

  5. #5
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gigi_xo View Post
    But my problem is when I'm not with people one-on-one I get a bit awkward and shy and feel like I NEVER say the right thing in groups of new acquaintances who all already know each other. I felt so uncomfortable... when in the group situation they weren't unwelcoming but they were very SP and SJ, like entirely pronounced (most of them, some I dont know) and discussing down to earth issues and it really didn't help they were all already friends... I didn't know what to say and ended up being really quiet, afriad I wouldn't make any sense...

    for example

    girl at work: So, what's your story, honey?
    me: Oh.... um.... yeah... I'm really uh... short...
    girl: I meant, like, where are you from, dear?



    i sounded retarded.


    is this normal? How does one act more calm and normal around groups like that?
    Yep; i do this too. i tend to have a sort of self-deprecating humour, so i'll usually say something like "wow, ok that was dumb, anyway..." and then move one. it works for me, generally.
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  6. #6
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    I've been there before. I think it's probably pretty normal for anybody to feel somewhat uncomfortable in a setting where everyone else knows one another and you know nobody. Just give it a little time and you'll be making jokes with everyone else too. The truth in most situations, I have found, is that we (people) tend to be more self-conscious than is warranted, i.e. most people aren't thinking about you as much as you are thinking about them thinking about you. ACK. That sentence made sense in my head!
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    I never had this problem.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    I have the same problem. I can talk easily in one-on-one, but as soon as I am in a group of more than 2-3 people (unless I know all of them well enough, but that is rare), I mostly can barely say a sentence straight.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gigi_xo View Post

    girl at work: So, what's your story, honey?
    me: Oh.... um.... yeah... I'm really uh... short...
    girl: I meant, like, where are you from, dear?

    i sounded retarded.
    Did you mean that you're a short story? I think that's hilarious. That would have had me chuckling to myself all day. And if you didn't mean that, well ... I have no idea what I'd say to "What's your story?" That would have stopped me dead in my tracks. And "Where are you from?" is also a hard question for me to answer. So I don't think you sounded retarded. Don't think it's always you if things go awkwardly!

  10. #10
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    I have a hard time with big groups too when everyone know's each other. It just makes me really uncomfortable, because I haven't the slightest clue as to what I'm even doing there. Everyone is talking about crap I dont even know anything about.

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