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  1. #11
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i don't really think i act differently around new people...i normally just sit down next to someone and talk to them like we know each other...i usually talk more tho if it's one on one...unless there's just maybe one other person in the group talking but i don't like talking over people so rather than fight for airtime i'll just zone out....not to say i can't be awkward...i totally can...i just don't know why it happens sometimes.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  2. #12
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    I do MUCH better with one-on-ones then I do with groups.

    I think it just comes from experience.

  3. #13
    Senior Member gigi_xo's Avatar
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    Im so glad other people can relate, I felt so dumbbb especially after my success at wooing people individually.

    they were (two girls) discussing how cute this one guy was, to his face, like flirting, and then one other guy was like ready to go smoke up during break and I just did not know what to say to anybody....

    its weird because except in these situations, im really not awkward at all...

    I hope no one thinks I'm crazy....
    I live my life for the stars that shine & people say its just a waste of time- Oasis

    Extroverted (E) 65.63% Introverted (I) 34.38%
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  4. #14
    Junior Member getinnocuous's Avatar
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    I hope no one thinks I'm crazy....
    This used to go through my head all of the time when I'm in a group of 3 or more people. Then, I just began to re-assure myself that 1) I already made a good initial first impression on them during one-on-ones and 2) no one really truly cares what I'm doing during that group setting. If first impressions hold true, then you're probably on good grounds with your co-workers - whoop!

    If ANYTHING, they'll be intrigued with the "wow, this person is really cool but also incredibly mysterious vibe". I've certainly gotten that before, but then it's quickly discovered that I'm just quirky and weird - and then people avoid me and there goes my work party invites. Poop.

    Understanding that I'm better at one-on-ones than group conversations, I try to be a much better active listener during group conversations. By focusing on listening and being present in that moment, it's easier to get out of my own mind and be more a part of the group conversation.
    "What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness." — John Steinbeck

  5. #15
    Senior Member Abstract Thinker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    The truth in most situations, I have found, is that we (people) tend to be more self-conscious than is warranted, i.e. most people aren't thinking about you as much as you are thinking about them thinking about you.
    Well said! Gromit is wise and has an awesome avatar.

    I think some other folks said to maybe just listen and chime in occasionally when you're in the group. Good advice.

    They'll respect you for not being too forward in the group and then they'll want to talk to you even more one on one.

    Then before you know it, you'll be one of the gang.

    Sounds like you're doing fine. And congrats on the new job!

  6. #16
    Senior Member boondocked's Avatar
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    I feel ya, Gigi. I can be that way. One on one is easy and so...rewarding! It's just you and the person, removed from a group context. Big groups are full of people who know each other with their inside jokes and traditions and language and everything...hard. Until you're part of those jokes and know the language.

    Until then, I think you should cut yourself some slack! They love you, it seems to me. Whatever you did in the earlier part of the evening won you some serious goodwill. I don't think any awkwardness in the later part could undo that. I think people make up their minds pretty damn quick when it comes to liking other people.

    I know how you feel, though. I used to kick myself whenever anything went badly for me socially. It felt like doom. I'd wail to my poor, long-suffering INTJ boyfriend, "How could that haaaappppeeeennn?? YOU said I was great with people. If I were great, how could I bomb the Christmas party so bad??"

    Him (patient voice): "You ARE great with people. And being great with people is a talent, not a constant. The expression of that talent fluctuates sometimes."

    Me: "But..but..."

    Him: "No. Listen to me. You did bomb the party. I know, I was there. But that party doesn't define your ability as a people person. Take your interactions with people AS A WHOLE. Take the three parties we went to before this! You're great, very skillful. And, by the way, even when you're being awkward, people like you. It's charming. It will be even more charming when you can learn to laugh with people about it."

    He was completely right (oh INTJ). I've learned to poke fun at the occasional odd lapse in my social intelligence. It doesn't define me. And it gives me the opportunity to refine my abilities and do better next time.

    From the way you described it, even right down to the squirmy moments, I'd say you scored a complete win. They're on your side. If you feel like you lost some social momentum with the second half of the evening, well, that's nothing a person like you can't win back.

  7. #17
    Senior Member gigi_xo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by boondocked View Post
    I feel ya, Gigi. I can be that way. One on one is easy and so...rewarding! It's just you and the person, removed from a group context. Big groups are full of people who know each other with their inside jokes and traditions and language and everything...hard. Until you're part of those jokes and know the language.

    Until then, I think you should cut yourself some slack! They love you, it seems to me. Whatever you did in the earlier part of the evening won you some serious goodwill. I don't think any awkwardness in the later part could undo that. I think people make up their minds pretty damn quick when it comes to liking other people.

    I know how you feel, though. I used to kick myself whenever anything went badly for me socially. It felt like doom. I'd wail to my poor, long-suffering INTJ boyfriend, "How could that haaaappppeeeennn?? YOU said I was great with people. If I were great, how could I bomb the Christmas party so bad??"

    Him (patient voice): "You ARE great with people. And being great with people is a talent, not a constant. The expression of that talent fluctuates sometimes."

    Me: "But..but..."

    Him: "No. Listen to me. You did bomb the party. I know, I was there. But that party doesn't define your ability as a people person. Take your interactions with people AS A WHOLE. Take the three parties we went to before this! You're great, very skillful. And, by the way, even when you're being awkward, people like you. It's charming. It will be even more charming when you can learn to laugh with people about it."

    He was completely right (oh INTJ). I've learned to poke fun at the occasional odd lapse in my social intelligence. It doesn't define me. And it gives me the opportunity to refine my abilities and do better next time.

    From the way you described it, even right down to the squirmy moments, I'd say you scored a complete win. They're on your side. If you feel like you lost some social momentum with the second half of the evening, well, that's nothing a person like you can't win back.
    you and your boyfriend sound ADORABLE and i like his logical explanation of it lol, its actually quite reassuring as was this whole post! Thank you, hopefully I'll be in on all the inside jokes soon and the awkwardness will pass... until then, I dont mind laughing about my quirks that I'm hoping as as lovable as the other charming enfps out there!
    I live my life for the stars that shine & people say its just a waste of time- Oasis

    Extroverted (E) 65.63% Introverted (I) 34.38%
    Intuitive (N) 89.31% Sensing (S) 10.69%
    Feeling (F) 74.29% Thinking (T) 25.71%
    Perceiving (P) 74.19% Judging (J) 25.81%


    3w4

  8. #18
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    i don't have trouble meeting new people.
    it's a matter of deciding if i want to get to
    know more about the people i meet.

    and those are far and few in between

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