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  1. #1
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Default Older people's view of ENFPs

    I am struggling and trying to keep my head above water with an ISTJ older woman who I think doesn't find me suitable for her ISTJ son.... she is kind to me, but I get this feeling that she doesn't think I'm "right" for him, perhaps, she saw him with someone more like them (her husband and 2 sons are all ISTJs)...

    Anyone have insight to how an ISTJ mom would feel about an ENFP?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Just get outta there crazy ENFP!!!Run, run for your life! Or call me back in a few years when you are sick of all those ISTJs so I can laugh at you over the phone

  3. #3
    Senior Member Chris_in_Orbit's Avatar
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    All of them are ISTJs? Are you sure? Well anyway.

    Stop relating this instance to typology. Some parents don't think someone is good enough for their child simply because they believe they know what's best for their child.

    What gives you this feeling anyway?

  4. #4
    Senior Member Ratsimoan's Avatar
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    Well, I have some experience with istjs, since my aunt is one. Please don't take anything she does, personally. My aunt didn't like any of my cousin girlfriends, either. She was kind and polite to the girls when around them but deep down she didn't like them. Don't worry about his mom, only worry about his opinion. And Chirs _ In_ Orbit is right. Some parents won't think someone is good enough for their children because they believe- they know what's best for their child.
    [SIGPIC] [/SIGPIC]

    Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace."
    — Sylvia Plath (The Bell Jar)

    "Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted."
    — Sylvia Plath

  5. #5
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    To some people, especially the sensible, level-headed ISTJs, ENFPs can come off as 'wild' and 'irrational', which is totally out of the ISTJ's comfort zone.

  6. #6
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    ^What 21% said!

    I have an ISTJ mom.

  7. #7
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    2XtremeENFP, what the heck are you doing dating an ISTJ. Egad!

    Yes, any two personality types can make a relationship work, but some relationships take more work than others. Seriously, I would be very sensitive to your ability to tolerate an ISTJ for the long term.

    ENFPs are very flexible and can tailor their approach to anyone. But in a serious, committed relationship, you are going to want to be yourself. The very essence of who you are is at odds with the very essence of the ISTJ experience. And if he's been raised in an ISTJ culture by an ISTJ mother, he's even less likely to appreciate your ENFP-ness in the longterm.

    So I know it isn't the question you asked, but let me answer the question I wished you asked:

    Get the hell out of there!

  8. #8
    Senior Member angelhair45's Avatar
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    I'm ENFP, my husband is ESTP. His mom is ISTJ and that has caused major problems. My husband was majorly influenced by her, and when he gets stressed or upset starts to act like her.

    Be careful. I lost myself for a while trying to conform to all the STJ's in my life. It's easy for an ENFP to fall into that trap, I think.
    http://bohemianextrovert.wordpress.com/
    Please excuse the long drawn out ramble above.
    I have to hear what I've said before I know what I think.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

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  10. #10
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Just get outta there crazy ENFP!!!Run, run for your life! Or call me back in a few years when you are sick of all those ISTJs so I can laugh at you over the phone



    Quote Originally Posted by Chris_in_Orbit View Post
    All of them are ISTJs? Are you sure? Well anyway.
    Almost certain, the mom can come off as XSTJ though...

    Quote Originally Posted by Chris_in_Orbit View Post
    What gives you this feeling anyway?
    I just feel no connection, I've been with her son for 5 years on and off and I really don't think that we have the kind of relationship that we should have. I do know that she is very conservative, and I have tattoos and things like that, so I think that scared her at first. I also like a lot of things that she finds 'stupid/immature' like dumb goofy comedy movies and punk music, I'm not into Lord of the Rings or Star Wars like their entire family is...
    On more than one occassion she has razzed me in front of everyone for having immature taste.

    I also feel that I am in competition with her between her son's attention. I think she gets jealous and hurt if he is with me and my family instead of his, or just with me solely instead of her and his family. I just feel tension. Hard to say really. I think she's threatened. Her son can't have anymore women in his life besides her, I suppose...

    She constantly brings up me and my boyfriends differences, usually as a joke though, but I feel I can read into it, perhaps I shouldn't but oh well.

    She is very nice to me and polite to me, to my face, and I don't know if she says anything to my boyfriend behind my back. Doubt that he would tell me if she did. I know when we broke up for a while but still 'hung out', she was encouraging him to either date me or not date me, no inbetween stuff.

    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    2XtremeENFP, what the heck are you doing dating an ISTJ. Egad!

    Yes, any two personality types can make a relationship work, but some relationships take more work than others. Seriously, I would be very sensitive to your ability to tolerate an ISTJ for the long term.

    ENFPs are very flexible and can tailor their approach to anyone. But in a serious, committed relationship, you are going to want to be yourself. The very essence of who you are is at odds with the very essence of the ISTJ experience. And if he's been raised in an ISTJ culture by an ISTJ mother, he's even less likely to appreciate your ENFP-ness in the longterm.

    So I know it isn't the question you asked, but let me answer the question I wished you asked:

    Get the hell out of there!
    I've been with him for 5 years, and I have been up and down, I have decided that I am going to be my whole Extreme ENFP self and not hide it. Sure, I do want to develop my Te, which is what I do admire in him. But you're absolutely right, being raised in an ISTJ culture definitely has helped him develop some skewed point of views. I do have a hard time fitting in with his family...

    We are much more successful working on our ENFP and ISTJ relationship when it's just us, when you throw his family into the picture, I think they brainwash him..

    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    How am I hurting myself? Just by being with him, or idealistically thinking that this will work?

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