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  1. #1
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Default ENFPs what's the longest you've remained single?

    Maybe I am wrong, but I have a feeling ENFPs can't stand to be single for very long (both men and women).

    So out of pure curiosity and desire to debunk or confirm my hunch I'd like to ask you all:

    What's the longest you've stayed single (including short-lived relationships and/or not-so-serious ones)?

    Do you feel you always need to be in a relationship with someone? Why so? For instance, when you get out of a relationship, do you soon after involve yourself in another one? What need is it that being with someone fulfills (even if you recognize that someone will only be a temporary part of your life)?

  2. #2
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    almost 2 years.

    my first relationship upon starting college was miserable. after finally breaking out of it, i decided that i really needed to stay single and/or start dating around and learning more about myself and what i wanted before i settled down again. so i did.

    when i was younger i jumped from one relationship to another, but at some point i realized that even if i felt this really strong need to get involved in a serious relationship after leaving, it was not healthy for me. in my case i was just trying to avoid confronting myself with the hard reality that i didn't really love myself, and that i was basically using others to make me happy.

    once i realized this and kept my romantic relationships with others not so serious, it ended up being one of the best decisions i ever made for myself, despite it being REALLY hard to do.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    4 years.

    Just recently started going out with someone. I was fine with being single through 3 out of the 4 years of my college career. I was WAY too busy to have a girlfriend.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    20+ years

    Single is, and will always be, my default state. My Fi self-awareness trumps my Ne openness 9 times out of 10. So much so that would consider myself anti-openness. I'm very quick to keep people at bay. And most people are just boring.

  5. #5
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stringstheory View Post
    almost 2 years.

    my first relationship upon starting college was miserable. after finally breaking out of it, i decided that i really needed to stay single and/or start dating around and learning more about myself and what i wanted before i settled down again. so i did.

    when i was younger i jumped from one relationship to another, but at some point i realized that even if i felt this really strong need to get involved in a serious relationship after leaving, it was not healthy for me. in my case i was just trying to avoid confronting myself with the hard reality that i didn't really love myself, and that i was basically using others to make me happy.

    once i realized this and kept my romantic relationships with others not so serious, it ended up being one of the best decisions i ever made for myself, despite it being REALLY hard to do.
    Interesting..So does that mean that now you jump from not-so-serious relationship to not-so-serious relationship? Are you ever truly "single"? What is a 'not-so-serious' relationship for you and how long do they last?

  6. #6
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    20+ years

    Single is, and will always be, my default state. My Fi self-awareness trumps my Ne openness 9 times out of 10. So much so that would consider myself anti-openness. I'm very quick to keep people at bay. And most people are just boring.
    Wow, I've gotten the "people are boring" vibe from an ENFP before, but that didnt stop them from over-the-top socially engaging everyone. Why do you keep people at bay? Doesnt seem too typical of ENFPs. Was there a significant event in your life that brought that about?

  7. #7
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    Interesting..So does that mean that now you jump from not-so-serious relationship to not-so-serious relationship? Are you ever truly "single"? What is a 'not-so-serious' relationship for you and how long do they last?
    Not at all. part of the process was not always having a date all the time. to me single means that i'm not dedicating myself to anyone except me. i wanted to grow and learn to love myself and focus solely on myself. sometimes that involved going on dates and learning about what i liked and didn't like. sometimes it involved not seeing people for a while. If you're interested in the longest span of time where i actually didn't go on dates with ANYONE, it was about 9 months..although i did keep in friendly contact with people i had previously seen. Most often though it'd be like i went on dates like 2-4 times a month.

    I wanted to focus on my performance in school without having to feel obligated to dedicate myself to a relationship, but since i like people i still wanted to meet them, learn, and have fun...just on my own terms. it was less jumping around and more on the basis of when i wanted to and/or felt like i had time. this is what i defined as a not-so-serious relationship. Really, it was various social arrangements that allowed me the fun of dating and meeting people without having to commit to any one person, or any at all.

    some of the people i dated I'm still friends with to this day. some just never had schedules that aligned with mine so we ended up meeting only a couple times, or had long periods of time where we didn't meet. some lived really far away. some i saw once and never heard from again. and i was fine with any of those outcomes. it was a really very casual, go with the flow kinda thing. Currently i'm in an exclusive relationship after doing this for 2 years and i just happened to stumble across the right person at the right time who i thought was worth the investment.
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  8. #8
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    In the last 20 years, the longest I have been without a Significant Other is about 3 months.

    Yeah, I know--it's unhealthy.

    I'm sure I would have accomplished a lot more in my life if I hadn't been so focused on "finding True Love."
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  9. #9
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wonkavision View Post
    In the last 20 years, the longest I have been without a Significant Other is about 3 months.

    Yeah, I know--it's unhealthy.

    I'm sure I would have accomplished a lot more in my life if I hadn't been so focused on "finding True Love."
    Was that really the goal though? "Finding true love"? Or were there other reasons? Did you not enjoy being alone? Why did you move so fast from one relationship to the next?

    I will quote this from an ENFP member on another forum:
    Extroverted Intuition can be like a drug rush to an ENFP....and it's very easy to ignore that little prod of a value not being completely honored by introverted feeling. Some ENFPs thrive on the rush of Ne so they never have to stop and consider if they're being true to themselves or if they're happy....they have to constantly stay occupied.

    I thought that was pretty insightful...

  10. #10
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    Was that really the goal though? "Finding true love"? Or were there other reasons? Did you not enjoy being alone? Why did you move so fast from one relationship to the next?

    I will quote this from an ENFP member on another forum:
    Extroverted Intuition can be like a drug rush to an ENFP....and it's very easy to ignore that little prod of a value not being completely honored by introverted feeling. Some ENFPs thrive on the rush of Ne so they never have to stop and consider if they're being true to themselves or if they're happy....they have to constantly stay occupied.

    I thought that was pretty insightful...
    Well, there may be a number of reasons why I have basically always been in a relationship.

    The search for "True Love" was definitely at the top of the list.

    I do also have a strong need to stay occupied.

    I think I may have some co-dependency issues as well.

    All of the above, and possibly more, I would say.
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    I'M OUTTA HERE.

    IT'S BEEN FUN.

    TAKE CARE.

    PEACE OUT!!!


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