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  1. #1
    facettes de la petite mor Words of Ivory's Avatar
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    Default It's not every day...

    ...that one gets to see their girlfriend trying to kill themself right in front of them, after finding out that they're cheating on them.

    How the hell does one process something like this? Because I certainly can't.

    I feel like the whole ordeal has caused my brain to snap, and I can't put all the pieces back together and focus. For a few days after it all happened, my body was pretty much going through shock, in the literal medical sense.

    Now? My mind is just stuck wandering nowhere, with little to no direction, and I don't have any answers.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    "Life calls out the meaning of pure jubilance,
    if you'll only take the time to hear it."
    ~ Words of Ivory ~

  2. #2
    Senior Member HollyGolightly's Avatar
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    I'm sorry Words of Ivory =[ You shouldn't have had to see that.
    I think you are a strong person to be able to talk about it though. I know that I would struggle to...so I have nothing but respect for you.
    And you should take as much time as you need to heal. That's a nasty experience you went through there.
    "Dad I can't feel my legs."

    "That's because you don't have any arms."

  3. #3
    Senior Member Liesl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Words of Ivory View Post
    ...that one gets to see their girlfriend trying to kill themself right in front of them, after finding out that they're cheating on them.

    How the hell does one process something like this? Because I certainly can't.

    I feel like the whole ordeal has caused my brain to snap, and I can't put all the pieces back together and focus. For a few days after it all happened, my body was pretty much going through shock, in the literal medical sense.

    Now? My mind is just stuck wandering nowhere, with little to no direction, and I don't have any answers.
    I'm really sorry for what you went through. There's no literal answer for how to process something like that. It's different for everybody, and it's really hard to answer something like this on a forum. The answer for me has usually been reminding myself that in the midst of a world that is extremely chaotic and inexplicably grotesque (for those of us that are both perceptive and brave enough to acknowledge the truth) that we can find deep peace and stability within ourselves. Even incomprehensible suffering can be rendered meaningful when we stop trying to fight it but accept it and let life metamorphose it into something brilliant and meaningful (in the way of future relationships, connections, inspirations). There are pearls of wisdom for you in this experience, pearls of understanding, and if you stay open to them, they may become a guiding light for you later on. Even though much of life is confusing beyond our comprehension and harsh beyond our strength, there seems to be an underlying pattern, some force greater than anything humans can feel or understand that guides our lives toward what we're supposed to be, what we're meant to be, whether that is something we like or not. All the roads of your life are just leading you home.

    Why would we be given the power to imagine better for ourselves, for our loved ones; why would we be given the desire to protect ourselves from suffering and pain; why do we reject evil and those who would do us harm; why would we be given any of these powers if they were not supremely important? Some human beings are FAR too perfect for such an imperfect experience as life.

  4. #4
    facettes de la petite mor Words of Ivory's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Liesl View Post
    The answer for me has usually been reminding myself that in the midst of a world that is extremely chaotic and inexplicably grotesque (for those of us that are both perceptive and brave enough to acknowledge the truth) that we can find deep peace and stability within ourselves.
    I wish I could relate. When I look inside right now, I just feel traumatised. That's how it feels right now, like I'm traumatised and my body is in a state of shock.

    Quote Originally Posted by Liesl View Post
    There are pearls of wisdom for you in this experience, pearls of understanding, and if you stay open to them, they may become a guiding light for you later on.
    And this is meant to teach me... what?

    That people can't be trusted? I put my faith in her.

    That everyone is self-serving? The guy she was cheating on with was a married man for Christ sake.

    Quote Originally Posted by Liesl View Post
    Even though much of life is confusing beyond our comprehension and harsh beyond our strength, there seems to be an underlying pattern, some force greater than anything humans can feel or understand that guides our lives toward what we're supposed to be, what we're meant to be, whether that is something we like or not.
    I don't feel like there's any predetermined direction that I am heading down.

    Quote Originally Posted by Liesl View Post
    All the roads of your life are just leading you home.
    Then I can't imagine it's a very nice place.

    I appreciate your words though. That was beautifully written.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    "Life calls out the meaning of pure jubilance,
    if you'll only take the time to hear it."
    ~ Words of Ivory ~

  5. #5
    Senior Member Liesl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Words of Ivory View Post
    I wish I could relate. When I look inside right now, I just feel traumatised. That's how it feels right now, like I'm traumatised and my body is in a state of shock.


    And this is meant to teach me... what?

    That people can't be trusted? I put my faith in her.

    That everyone is self-serving? The guy she was cheating on with was a married man for Christ sake.


    I don't feel like there's any predetermined direction that I am heading down.


    Then I can't imagine it's a very nice place.

    I appreciate your words though. That was beautifully written.
    Of course you're in a state of shock right now. That's absolutely normal and nothing can take away that pain. I would never minimize that or tell you that it's going to go away quickly or easily. I know better. I don't know how to make it go away right now, but I hope that you feel better soon. Anybody worth a grain of salt would care too. What I meant to say is just some way, some how, life seems to take care of itself. There is no justification for why so much preventable pain and suffering is inflicted on people. There is no reason why that should ever have happened to you. But perhaps that's because the reasons are beyond our comprehension.

    I'm not saying that there's anything to be learned from her. I'm saying maybe this will provoke something within you that you never knew you had. Maybe someone will make you feel all the more loved in the future because they will share the burden of this experience with you. I don't know how it all works out in the end. It just will. It just does. I wish I could explain it to you in a more clear way. I will keep thinking about it. Take the best care of yourself that you can in the mean time.
    Last edited by Liesl; 07-03-2010 at 01:57 PM.

  6. #6
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    ^Very much agreed..

    All I can say is..Take it one breath at a time..

  7. #7
    facettes de la petite mor Words of Ivory's Avatar
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    I posted this about weeks ago when I was still little more than a newbie to this forum. My emotions were raw and melodramatic.

    I've been focusing on trying to ignore what happened, but she contacted me today, and I feel like I'm right back at square one. Its like the lack of trust that this and past experiences have instilled in me is the only thing I'm able to define myself by anymore, and I hate it. My entire system is out of whack.

    I feel incapable of connecting with anyone anymore, and for an INFJ that's a bit like a sailor on a sinking boat without a life-raft.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    "Life calls out the meaning of pure jubilance,
    if you'll only take the time to hear it."
    ~ Words of Ivory ~

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Words of Ivory View Post
    ...that one gets to see their girlfriend trying to kill themself right in front of them, after finding out that they're cheating on them.

    How the hell does one process something like this? Because I certainly can't.

    I feel like the whole ordeal has caused my brain to snap, and I can't put all the pieces back together and focus. For a few days after it all happened, my body was pretty much going through shock, in the literal medical sense.

    Now? My mind is just stuck wandering nowhere, with little to no direction, and I don't have any answers.

    OMG, I am so sorry honey that's horrible.


  9. #9
    facettes de la petite mor Words of Ivory's Avatar
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    I appreciate the sentiment infjwatching, although that part is almost a month old.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    "Life calls out the meaning of pure jubilance,
    if you'll only take the time to hear it."
    ~ Words of Ivory ~

  10. #10
    Senior Member Abstract Thinker's Avatar
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    Hugs from here too, Words of Ivory.

    Wish I was there to take you out for a drink and some good conversation.

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