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[Se] It's not every day...

Words of Ivory

facettes de la petite mor
Joined
Jun 19, 2010
Messages
492
MBTI Type
INFJ
...that one gets to see their girlfriend trying to kill themself right in front of them, after finding out that they're cheating on them.

How the hell does one process something like this? Because I certainly can't.

I feel like the whole ordeal has caused my brain to snap, and I can't put all the pieces back together and focus. For a few days after it all happened, my body was pretty much going through shock, in the literal medical sense.

Now? My mind is just stuck wandering nowhere, with little to no direction, and I don't have any answers.
 

HollyGolightly

New member
Joined
Nov 29, 2009
Messages
293
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w2
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I'm sorry Words of Ivory =[ You shouldn't have had to see that.
I think you are a strong person to be able to talk about it though. I know that I would struggle to...so I have nothing but respect for you.
And you should take as much time as you need to heal. That's a nasty experience you went through there.
:hug:
 

Liesl

New member
Joined
Jun 20, 2010
Messages
204
...that one gets to see their girlfriend trying to kill themself right in front of them, after finding out that they're cheating on them.

How the hell does one process something like this? Because I certainly can't.

I feel like the whole ordeal has caused my brain to snap, and I can't put all the pieces back together and focus. For a few days after it all happened, my body was pretty much going through shock, in the literal medical sense.

Now? My mind is just stuck wandering nowhere, with little to no direction, and I don't have any answers.

I'm really sorry for what you went through. There's no literal answer for how to process something like that. It's different for everybody, and it's really hard to answer something like this on a forum. The answer for me has usually been reminding myself that in the midst of a world that is extremely chaotic and inexplicably grotesque (for those of us that are both perceptive and brave enough to acknowledge the truth) that we can find deep peace and stability within ourselves. Even incomprehensible suffering can be rendered meaningful when we stop trying to fight it but accept it and let life metamorphose it into something brilliant and meaningful (in the way of future relationships, connections, inspirations). There are pearls of wisdom for you in this experience, pearls of understanding, and if you stay open to them, they may become a guiding light for you later on. Even though much of life is confusing beyond our comprehension and harsh beyond our strength, there seems to be an underlying pattern, some force greater than anything humans can feel or understand that guides our lives toward what we're supposed to be, what we're meant to be, whether that is something we like or not. All the roads of your life are just leading you home.

Why would we be given the power to imagine better for ourselves, for our loved ones; why would we be given the desire to protect ourselves from suffering and pain; why do we reject evil and those who would do us harm; why would we be given any of these powers if they were not supremely important? Some human beings are FAR too perfect for such an imperfect experience as life.
 

Words of Ivory

facettes de la petite mor
Joined
Jun 19, 2010
Messages
492
MBTI Type
INFJ
The answer for me has usually been reminding myself that in the midst of a world that is extremely chaotic and inexplicably grotesque (for those of us that are both perceptive and brave enough to acknowledge the truth) that we can find deep peace and stability within ourselves.
I wish I could relate. When I look inside right now, I just feel traumatised. That's how it feels right now, like I'm traumatised and my body is in a state of shock.

There are pearls of wisdom for you in this experience, pearls of understanding, and if you stay open to them, they may become a guiding light for you later on.
And this is meant to teach me... what?

That people can't be trusted? I put my faith in her.

That everyone is self-serving? The guy she was cheating on with was a married man for Christ sake.

Even though much of life is confusing beyond our comprehension and harsh beyond our strength, there seems to be an underlying pattern, some force greater than anything humans can feel or understand that guides our lives toward what we're supposed to be, what we're meant to be, whether that is something we like or not.
I don't feel like there's any predetermined direction that I am heading down.

All the roads of your life are just leading you home.
Then I can't imagine it's a very nice place.

I appreciate your words though. That was beautifully written.
 

Liesl

New member
Joined
Jun 20, 2010
Messages
204
I wish I could relate. When I look inside right now, I just feel traumatised. That's how it feels right now, like I'm traumatised and my body is in a state of shock.


And this is meant to teach me... what?

That people can't be trusted? I put my faith in her.

That everyone is self-serving? The guy she was cheating on with was a married man for Christ sake.


I don't feel like there's any predetermined direction that I am heading down.


Then I can't imagine it's a very nice place.

I appreciate your words though. That was beautifully written.

Of course you're in a state of shock right now. That's absolutely normal and nothing can take away that pain. I would never minimize that or tell you that it's going to go away quickly or easily. I know better. I don't know how to make it go away right now, but I hope that you feel better soon. Anybody worth a grain of salt would care too. What I meant to say is just some way, some how, life seems to take care of itself. There is no justification for why so much preventable pain and suffering is inflicted on people. There is no reason why that should ever have happened to you. But perhaps that's because the reasons are beyond our comprehension.

I'm not saying that there's anything to be learned from her. I'm saying maybe this will provoke something within you that you never knew you had. Maybe someone will make you feel all the more loved in the future because they will share the burden of this experience with you. I don't know how it all works out in the end. It just will. It just does. I wish I could explain it to you in a more clear way. I will keep thinking about it. Take the best care of yourself that you can in the mean time.
 
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kiddykat

movin melodies
Joined
Jul 27, 2008
Messages
1,111
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ENFP
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4, 7
^Very much agreed..

All I can say is..Take it one breath at a time..
 

Words of Ivory

facettes de la petite mor
Joined
Jun 19, 2010
Messages
492
MBTI Type
INFJ
I posted this about weeks ago when I was still little more than a newbie to this forum. My emotions were raw and melodramatic.

I've been focusing on trying to ignore what happened, but she contacted me today, and I feel like I'm right back at square one. Its like the lack of trust that this and past experiences have instilled in me is the only thing I'm able to define myself by anymore, and I hate it. My entire system is out of whack.

I feel incapable of connecting with anyone anymore, and for an INFJ that's a bit like a sailor on a sinking boat without a life-raft.
 

infjwatching

New member
Joined
Jun 10, 2010
Messages
244
...that one gets to see their girlfriend trying to kill themself right in front of them, after finding out that they're cheating on them.

How the hell does one process something like this? Because I certainly can't.

I feel like the whole ordeal has caused my brain to snap, and I can't put all the pieces back together and focus. For a few days after it all happened, my body was pretty much going through shock, in the literal medical sense.

Now? My mind is just stuck wandering nowhere, with little to no direction, and I don't have any answers.


OMG, I am so sorry honey that's horrible. :hug:
 

Words of Ivory

facettes de la petite mor
Joined
Jun 19, 2010
Messages
492
MBTI Type
INFJ
I appreciate the sentiment infjwatching, although that part is almost a month old.
 

Abstract Thinker

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Jun 3, 2010
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323
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Hugs from here too, Words of Ivory. :hug:

Wish I was there to take you out for a drink and some good conversation.
 

Pixelholic

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Joined
Jun 20, 2010
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8w7
I posted this about weeks ago when I was still little more than a newbie to this forum. My emotions were raw and melodramatic.

I've been focusing on trying to ignore what happened, but she contacted me today, and I feel like I'm right back at square one. Its like the lack of trust that this and past experiences have instilled in me is the only thing I'm able to define myself by anymore, and I hate it. My entire system is out of whack.

I feel incapable of connecting with anyone anymore, and for an INFJ that's a bit like a sailor on a sinking boat without a life-raft.

Personally, I would tell her to fuck off and/or go get help from a professional. It sounds like she's got issues and is trying to drag you along, which isn't fair to either of you. I had an ex pull this kind of crap on me one time and I was forced to just completely sever all contact with her.
 

WoodsWoman

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Dec 24, 2007
Messages
778
MBTI Type
INFP
It will take more than a month to assimilate such an experience. There will likely be times that are still only bearable if you limit yourself to five second increments of now-ness. If there is a sense of fog maybe it has begun to lift and it seems even more painful than it did at first. That's normal.

:hug:
 

Words of Ivory

facettes de la petite mor
Joined
Jun 19, 2010
Messages
492
MBTI Type
INFJ
Thanks WoodsWoman. That's the best and most honest bit of advice I have seen seen so far. I appreciate it.

I'm grateful for people's sympathy, but advice and thoughts about dealing with my feelings and my seclusion is really want I would like to hear right now.

The girl can go jump in a river for all I care. I've just found the whole experience is a bad emotional place that I've been before and really do not like.

It feels like most or life has been little more than a growing list of people who have emotionally abused me or let me down, and it's turned me into a coward who feels completely incapable of connecting with people anymore. This girl wasn't the cause, it just made the feeling worse that's all.
 

WoodsWoman

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Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
778
MBTI Type
INFP
You will find 101 different angles, different ways to look at it, and to one degree or another they are all valid. You've lost more than a girlfriend - you lost whatever support she had previously granted you, the loss of all the potential future friendship (or more) that might have been shared. Each loss bring with it echoes of all the other losses you've shouldered - I see the echoes of this in your last post.

It is a grief process - everything we lose in life - a pet, a home, changes brought by graduating and leaving behind school, even a favorite shirt that wears out - will be grieved. Not just big things. The bigger things pull up more of the past than some of the others. Google 'stages of grief' - some say there are five others seven, but I think you'll recognize some of them.

I know I've needed time and time again in the last year and a quarter to be reminded that what I'm going through is normal, is part of a recognized process, and that it's going to take TIME. (grump) (sigh) ----(smile)

:hug: Everything you've shared here sounds reasonable to me - normal.
 

musicnerd93

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2010
Messages
249
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
I've never experienced anything like this, so all I can say is I'm really sorry you had to witness that. Just try to think of something happier, if the thought enters your mind again just push it away by making yourself busy with something or thinking about something completely different.

*HUGS*
 
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