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  1. #1
    Senior Member HollyGolightly's Avatar
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    Default INFJs & Articulating Their Thoughts & Intuitions

    I have real trouble with this. I ramble far too much. People get so impatient with me because I really can't get to the point. Or it will be because I explain it in a really bad way and then someone jumps on me and says exactly what I said in a different way that's easier to understand but as if they thought of what I just said.

    It's mainly through verbal communication that I have these problems but it can happen when I'm writing a post or during a conversation on msn. It's really bothering me because I really can't express myself properly. When I'm calm and comfortable I'm not so bad but most of the time I feel socially awkward and I don't feel very sure of myself. It doesn't help when peopel talk over me because they are getting impatient with my rambling.

    I have read that having difficulty articulating thoughts and intuitions is a common trait in INFJs so I was wondering if there were any INFJs that have overcome this problem and could share some advice? It's really knocking my confidence, to the point where I just don't participate in discussions even when I feel strongly about something or if I have something interestng to add.
    "Dad I can't feel my legs."

    "That's because you don't have any arms."

  2. #2
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    Oh man, this sounds too familiar. I was like this from day one. My family would ask me what I was doing, and I'd give them an extended rambling dissertation. I do very well in providing explanations behind scientific theory, though.

    What you've experienced is what I call the untangling of the Ni mental spaghetti. Everything comes out from the back of our heads like this blob of thoughts, and it comes flying out all at once. Our buddy, tertiary introverted thinking, attempts to make sense of our intuitions, but Ti doesn't work very well on the fly cos it isn't our preferred function. It's kind of slow and likes to digest things in a systematic fashion in our heads. What I do before I fling the mental spaghetti is to stop and think about what I am going to say, pause for a couple seconds to untangle it. Then the words come out much easier when I know exactly what I want to convey to another person. I find this works much more effectively when explaining scientific theories to a class.

    Emphasizing key points helps too.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  3. #3
    Senior Member HollyGolightly's Avatar
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    Default

    Thank you, CuriousFeeling
    I think it's a self confidence issue as well. I don't have that much fo a problem with it when I am comfortable. I think it's because I am overly conscious of the fact that the other person wants me to get to the point so they can say something.
    "Dad I can't feel my legs."

    "That's because you don't have any arms."

  4. #4
    facettes de la petite mor Words of Ivory's Avatar
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    I think this is pretty much universal with our type.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    "Life calls out the meaning of pure jubilance,
    if you'll only take the time to hear it."
    ~ Words of Ivory ~

  5. #5
    Senior Member HollyGolightly's Avatar
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    So I'm doomed? :P
    "Dad I can't feel my legs."

    "That's because you don't have any arms."

  6. #6
    facettes de la petite mor Words of Ivory's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly View Post
    So I'm doomed? :P
    I'm afraid so.

    CuriousFeeling pretty much summed it up perfectly.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    "Life calls out the meaning of pure jubilance,
    if you'll only take the time to hear it."
    ~ Words of Ivory ~

  7. #7
    Post-Humorously stalemate's Avatar
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    I'm not INFJ but even I have this problem sometimes. I guess over the years I've gotten better at knowing when to do what CuriousFeeling described and when to just let the disorganized rambling take over.

    I work with an INFP and if he asks me a question I can give him the rambling version and say "was that an answer?" and usually he'll respond and tell me all the various things he heard that applied to his question in some way. Sometimes he says I didn't answer him but gave him a lot of good info and he'll reword the question. It is actually pretty great because he can get things from me that he wouldn't get if I tried to organize the thoughts perfectly before speaking. But, if I try this rambling technique with SJs I just get "huh?" so I watch myself around them.

    So, my advice is to know your audience. I don't think this is always necessarily a problem. If you are with the right person you can feed off of each other.

  8. #8
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly View Post
    Thank you, CuriousFeeling
    I think it's a self confidence issue as well. I don't have that much fo a problem with it when I am comfortable. I think it's because I am overly conscious of the fact that the other person wants me to get to the point so they can say something.
    Yeah, self-confidence can definitely cause issues. I know the feeling. I can be saying something, and afraid it would come out sounding the wrong way and I'd look like an idiot. Makes me feel a bit self-conscious. Then, the self-consciousness leads to rambling, and people get a bit impatient, or I hear the sound of silence, crickets, and watch the tumbleweeds going past.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  9. #9
    Sniffles
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    Yes I commonly have this problem too. It seems my mind is not always capable of articulating its own thoughts; and often I can't do so on the fly either. I often notice that for brief but very intense moments, my mind is able to fully articulate itself to a great extent. Comfort is another factor as well. In more comforting and laid-back situations, I can more easily open myself up and express my views.

    Hope this helps, cause I'm still worn out from the weekend.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    That's why INFJs are better communicating in writing than extemporaneously.

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