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  1. #21
    Member thirtiesgirl's Avatar
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    I'd agree. I've always had trouble articulating what I feel. Moreso when speaking face-to-face as opposed to writing. I'm much more comfortable with writing. I hate to say it, but I've also noticed that as I age, I'm getting worse at expressing things. I used to be pretty good at it during college and for several years after. I think I had a lot of false confidence at that age, thought I could do no wrong, knew everything in the world...which in turn, made it easier to speak my mind. These days, my confidence is more based on my life experience, personal growth and maturity...but also the fact that I recognize that I don't know what I don't know, which can often tangle me up when I try to explain how I'm feeling to someone else. Sometimes that can be so damn annoying.
    I wasn't born of a whistle or milked from a thistle at twilight.
    No, I was all horns and thorns, sprung out fully formed, knock-kneed and upright.
    -Joanna Newsom

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Evi View Post
    This all sounds incredibly familiar. Pausing and breathing helps m. I've found that people that really care to know what's in my head will give me the time to untangle the mess. As for everyone else, most of the time I don't want them to know anyway.
    EXACTLY. That is so true.
    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

  3. #23
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    That's why INFJs are better communicating in writing than extemporaneously.
    I agree! Most of the time when I try to verbally communicate something complicated I have to sort of 'rehearse' it first in my head. If I'm emotionally-charged, though, it would still come out a ramble and I usually end up forgetting what I'm trying to say.

  4. #24
    Member Sailboat's Avatar
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    Sometimes I know how I am feeling and how I want to express it verbally, but I can never find the right words. It's as if my head is full of strings and I am trying to unravel them to find the right one so I can say what I am wanting to say. It's frustrating, because I can feel something very intensely on the inside, but on the outside it comes out as silence or maybe four words. Taking a moment to really think about my answer helps.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    What about this one -- you get an idea and just keep expanding on it and let your imagination run wild, talking aloud to someone else, like "oh! we could do this, and then we could do that, and then that would allow the other, and then ... and then ... etc." Two weeks later that person says what about the thing you were gonna do? and you don't even know what they're talking about, and they say remember when you said you could do this and then do that, etc.? And you're like, "I said it COULD be done. I didn't say I was going to do it!" People get confused when you talk about possibilities of things that could develop at some future time and don't realize you're just relaxing your mind.

  6. #26
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    Omg i totaly identify with wot u wrote. I am the same. This aspect of me, i feel, undermines my inteligence coz i dnt knw how to expres myself easily verbaly.

  7. #27
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Good point -- writing is ALWAYS my preferred medium, to the point of sending many more e-mails and reports at work, rather than going and explaining it. I'm with everyone who has written so far about INFJ issues and self-confidence issues... I have them both

    Is part of it practice as well?

  8. #28
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stalemate View Post
    I'm not INFJ but even I have this problem sometimes. I guess over the years I've gotten better at knowing when to do what CuriousFeeling described and when to just let the disorganized rambling take over.

    I work with an INFP and if he asks me a question I can give him the rambling version and say "was that an answer?" and usually he'll respond and tell me all the various things he heard that applied to his question in some way. Sometimes he says I didn't answer him but gave him a lot of good info and he'll reword the question. It is actually pretty great because he can get things from me that he wouldn't get if I tried to organize the thoughts perfectly before speaking. But, if I try this rambling technique with SJs I just get "huh?" so I watch myself around them.

    So, my advice is to know your audience. I don't think this is always necessarily a problem. If you are with the right person you can feed off of each other.

    This guy is impressively patient. Where do you work?

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