That's why INFJs are better communicating in writing than extemporaneously.
Yeah, I much prefer to say what I need to say in a letter or something. If people are goingthrough a hard time I often write them something in a card because I know if I say it verbally I will mess it up.
I dont think its that we cant get to the point, its that we have a different way of communicating the torrent of thoughts in our heads. A lot of people I meet say that they like the way I talk, the people that don't probably aren't worth knowing anyway.
I overcome a lot of the verbose nature actually by expanding vocabulary. I used to be a voracious reader and would force myself to learn dozens of new words every week that I found useful. Why struggle to find the words when 1 or 2 will do.... maybe get a thesaurus lol.
One thing I do that makes for confusion is describing the process or sequence of events that led me to the point I'm trying to make -- but I never articulate the actual point. I expect the other person to have stayed with me through the process and I want to see them get it themselves. Most of the time that doesn't happen. Either they don't get it at all and have no idea why I'm telling them what I'm telling them, or they come to a completely different conclusion because they focused on a different piece of the story. It's the non-directiveness of it all. It's one reason I feel more relaxed around other intuitives, especially other INFJs. They can usually follow my process and are interested, and will respond in kind with their own. Other people just find it annoying and I feel more and more estranged because misunderstood.
So now I come out with the conclusion first and let myself be led by the response to that. Which is backwards to the way I want to talk, but that's the only way it works in most cases.
I think, for me, nothing beats taking a good deep breath or two before speaking. That, or making an internal catalogue of statements, or how everything should go. (I know it sounds tedious, but as Billy put it, "torrent of thoughts." It needs to be streamlined, at the moment before actual speech.)
You are not alone. I notice I tend to naturally have a circular pattern in my articulations.
Academic and technical writing can train you out of it somewhat. For speech, I'm not so sure. I love listening to great lecturers, but unfortunately, it doesn't seem possible to glean great speaking skill that way. I suppose that it too, takes practice.
Noooo. Actually, I consider myself an EXCELLENT communicator. On most things, I know what I'm saying and how to say it. I always stop in conversations to make sure the person I am talking with understands what I am saying though, so if there are any discrepencies, we can handle them ASAP, instead of wading through something that was misunderstood 20 minutes earlier.
Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou
St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.
I have this problem maybe a little bit. For me, I think it's just a matter of remembering what your actual point is when you're talking about something. If you get too caught up in small details you're likely to forget where you are. Everybody does it, but I think INFJs need to watch out for it.
Then again, my problem with finding when to interject at that right time (I'm not good at this at all) really makes things difficult. Oftentimes, I never even get to speak because someone keeps interrupting me. It's part of the reason I sometimes resist hanging out in big groups.
I definitely understand not being able to articulate how you feel. Sometimes I get really weird feelings/attachments to people and things that are very strange and hard to explain. I don't know why I get attached, but once I do, I'm stuck and I can't always explain why. I don't care to, though, but it makes me feel good to be myself, and I don't have any regrets in that anymore.
A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.
This all sounds incredibly familiar. Pausing and breathing helps m. I've found that people that really care to know what's in my head will give me the time to untangle the mess. As for everyone else, most of the time I don't want them to know anyway. It's also helps to remember that it's not a bad thing to go back and refine/define a point one was trying to make earlier in a conversation.