Hey everyone. So I've been dating an ENFP girl for 3 years, and our relationship has been as close to perfect as can be. I adore everything about her! I simply cannot even find the words to express how great we are together and how great I think we will make eachother's futures. She has helped me grow so much and vice versa, and I don't see that ever stopping. Sexual chemistry is untoppable. I even easily look past the silly mistakes she makes most of the time because I love her so much and want to spend the rest of my life with her. The great thing is that her flaws have become less and less over time, as she has matured. All future plans I make are made with her in mind.
Now, over the past 6 months or so, I've been dealing with a lot of internal issues, which have spilled over into the relationship unfortunately. My mom almost passed away (I had accepted that she was gone), I've had the stress of trying to get into school, and have been dealing with some minor relationship issues. These issues at first seemed like a huge deal to me, but after a few months I have almost completely gotten over them, and have been working on getting them 100% out of my mind, so I can redirect all my loving energy into the relationship once again. Things have been looking great lately, until recently when I got really angry at my girlfriend for what now seems like a stupid reason. I was in INTJ rage mode, and under the influence of painkillers (back pain), I was saying things I couldn't even control and I knew I didn't mean them when I was saying them but I just felt really really hurt. My words were harsh, yes, and I did not mean any of what I said, I guess I was in protective mode. Anyways, I ended up overreacting and "breaking up" with her. I woke up the next morning regretting the "decision", but tried to hide my regret because of pride. Basically I said we should break up just to hurt her, and apologized, but she says that it was still a breakup because she was heartbroken for a day. Even though I had no intentions on breaking up I was just being an idiot, and have expressed that to her. Anyways, I told her how much she means to me and that what I said were simply words, without of my true emotions attached. Since then, she has been acting super cold to me. She says we are taking a break, and that she wants to work on getting back together, but her actions says otherwise, like we are breaking up but she needs to be 100% sure or something. Then, all the sudden she claims that she doesn't think that I think she is the girl for me and that we should break up. It really seems like she is being super vindictive for no reason, and hurting my feelings much more than I could have hurt hers, since she has been doing this for 2 weeks. I've agreed that I will communicate more and force myself not to overreact in these rare times. I've even expressed how I want to spend the rest of my life with her because we are perfect for eachother, but it seems like she doesn't believe me or something! Or thinks that I do not know what I want. Ha, an INTJ not knowing what they want? I feel like she thinks that I'm trying to trick her or something, which would make NO sense for an INTJ to do! If I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to fight any obstacle for us to be together because I know I've found my soulmate, I wouldn't even be trying right now. My default mode, naturally, is single-mode, and I know that being in a relationship hasn't changed that. So the fact that I'm still in it should say everything. However, I have truly reached my breaking point. I don't hold any negative feelings for her, but I can't help but feel that her love for me was never or will never be as strong as mine was for her, and am struggling to understand how she can stand to see me suffer past a point of justice. I have been dying to hold her in my arms, but she seems to have no interest in me anymore. What should I do? Should I just suck it up, cut off my contact with her, and move on? Knowing I'll be miserable, and force myself to get with other girls even though the thought sickens me? It just makes no sense, because she HAS to know how much I love her, and I THOUGHT that she loved me back, but maybe I was completely wrong? We were "soulmates" and then overnight we are not? It's weird because the week before she told me how good of a bf I was and it made me so happy, and made me want to be an even better guy, and then I got completely blind-sided. Makes no sense, I know. Is it possible she's interested in another guy? I am very emotional right now, and super hurt because a smart girl is about to make a dumb decision because she is emotionally overwhelmed, and time doesn't seem to be helping. It's only causing her to dwell on her fabricated versions of such events