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  1. #61
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    Okay...what I'm observing here now is that your gf (and apparently a bunch of people who are replying to this thread) have a word-based love language.

    I think this is what this all boils down to.

    I, for one, do not. I think actions speak louder than words - my love languages are like touch/affection and acts of service - so if someone talks shit to me I can brush it off, and it's also probably why I can be so verbally harsh without thinking twice. One of the biggest lessons I've learned in life is that EVERYBODY says shit they don't mean.

    However, since words are so important to your gf, this is really bugging her on some profound level. Which apparently means you can only fix it with words - like "I love you" and "you mean a lot to me" etc.

    That's all I can gather from this mess, because for the life of me I couldn't figure out why all of these ENFPs were doing what I perceive as overreacting to something very, very minor and within the range of normal.

  2. #62
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    that's a very good point and absolutely correct for me. i've taken that test and read the book and i scored a lot higher on words of affirmation than the others. words can destroy me or fill me like nothing else...strange but yeah.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #63
    Senior Member professor goodstain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    listen...i have no idea how your girl feels...
    this will only influence him to believe some sort of title of ownership even more
    everyone uses every function about evenly. take NE for example. if there are those who don't use it much, then why are there such massive amounts of people constantly flowing through Wallmart with 20 items or less?

  4. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by professor goodstain View Post
    this will only influence him to believe some sort of title of ownership even more
    Some chicks dig that.

  5. #65
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i've just come to the conclusion that people are all just too screwed up and complex...how the hell are people supposed to navigate all the shit upon shit that we've been programmed with and make any sense if it...giving the people you love what they need while getting what you need in return...it's making me dizzy. :confused:
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #66
    Senior Member fecaleagle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    listen...i have no idea how your girl feels...i'm simply saying that one has to genuinely feel loved and respected and be able to trust her emotional self with you...she has to feel it...if this night changed that for her. then it did...i'm not saying it did but it is not just a simple matter of logic.
    Thank you, that is a post that I can relate to. If you are correct, then I have no doubt that she will be able to trust me again and get back to where we were. I believe this was the first time an ENFP posted something like this in the thread: that she has to have feel loved. This implies that she will likely look past those words and look at my actions, and decide if she feels loved. I now realize that she can only do that once those hurtful words stop playing over and over in her head and she is able to look past that one event and assess how she feels.

    Okay...what I'm observing here now is that your gf (and apparently a bunch of people who are replying to this thread) have a word-based love language.

    I think this is what this all boils down to.

    I, for one, do not. I think actions speak louder than words - my love languages are like touch/affection and acts of service - so if someone talks shit to me I can brush it off, and it's also probably why I can be so verbally harsh without thinking twice. One of the biggest lessons I've learned in life is that EVERYBODY says shit they don't mean.

    However, since words are so important to your gf, this is really bugging her on some profound level. Which apparently means you can only fix it with words - like "I love you" and "you mean a lot to me" etc.

    That's all I can gather from this mess, because for the life of me I couldn't figure out why all of these ENFPs were doing what I perceive as overreacting to something very, very minor and within the range of normal.
    Haha THANK YOU! All I am expecting of her is to let actions speak louder than words. I'm not trying to tell her how to interpret my actions, that is up to her. I will not try to fix this by words like you suggest though, because that will build a relationship without integrity. I'm not desperate just to "have her back". I want her back, with our dynamic restored and improved.

    this will only influence him to believe some sort of title of ownership even more
    I'm curious where you gathered this from. I have always encouraged her to be independent and to stay true to her ENFP ways, that I really like what she brings to the table because we are so different yet so alike, and am fine with her spending time with her friends because that's the equivalent of my alone time which she respects. How have you concluded that I feel that I own her?

  7. #67
    Senior Member professor goodstain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Some chicks dig that.
    what do chicks dig more 'my woman' or 'my girl'?
    everyone uses every function about evenly. take NE for example. if there are those who don't use it much, then why are there such massive amounts of people constantly flowing through Wallmart with 20 items or less?

  8. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by fecaleagle View Post
    Haha THANK YOU! All I am expecting of her is to let actions speak louder than words. I'm not trying to tell her how to interpret my actions, that is up to her. I will not try to fix this by words like you suggest though, because that will build a relationship without integrity. I'm not desperate just to "have her back". I want her back, with our dynamic restored and improved.
    Um, well, I agree that you should show her you love her by being there and doing what you do, because that's how you express love, but if this is indeed a case where she needs the words, would it kill you to say them as well? You know, it's just giving your partner what she needs, and if she's so word oriented it seem like some good words to replace the bad words, I guess. No reason to be fake - just make an effort to verbalize how you feel.

  9. #69
    Post-Humorously stalemate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fecaleagle View Post
    Thank you, that is a post that I can relate to. If you are correct, then I have no doubt that she will be able to trust me again and get back to where we were. I believe this was the first time an ENFP posted something like this in the thread: that she has to have feel loved. This implies that she will likely look past those words and look at my actions, and decide if she feels loved. I now realize that she can only do that once those hurtful words stop playing over and over in her head and she is able to look past that one event and assess how she feels.
    Lady X said it before and you argued that your girlfriend should feel loved and one night of words shouldn't be able to undo it: http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...ml#post1215840

  10. #70
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    I thought he have been using words to tell her how much she means to him, etc, etc.

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