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  1. #41
    Post-Humorously stalemate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fecaleagle View Post
    How should she know which part I mean? Maybe just listen to me when I say which part I meant and which I didn't?
    Also, if someone has already admitted to me that they said things to me that they didn't mean, they aren't going to be the one I trust to decide what they did mean. I'll decide for myself, and it might take me some time to figure it out.

    I think she will come around, but I also don't think you are just going to convince her.

  2. #42
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    And, please understand, I'm not saying she is in the right here. No one ever is in the right in relationships (at least not completely). I'm just trying to say some of what I would be feeling if I were her. You know what you are feeling so there is no need to try to figure out you.

  3. #43
    Senior Member fecaleagle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stalemate View Post
    Also, if someone has already admitted to me that they said things to me that they didn't mean, they aren't going to be the one I trust to decide what they did mean. I'll decide for myself, and it might take me some time to figure it out.

    I think she will come around, but I also don't think you are just going to convince her.
    Well that is very self-righteous. Especially given what I've read about ENFPs making ridiculously bad judgment calls a lot of times. That sounds like something an INTJ would say (which would even be considered as coming off as cocky by our own standards lol), and I would trust a decision like that more with an INTJ over an ENFP, all else held equal. I just really believe that thinking is more likely to arrive at the correct decision than feeling, so hopefully she will implement her Te function, which I am glad has been developing as we have dated I mean feeling is great and all, but it just creates disasters that thinking fixes, hehe. She should know that as a her boyfriend, AND as an INTJ, I don't lie. It's just something I don't do. It's something I detest. It's something I don't get over (except I have forgiven my girlfriend before, after my center core was shattered like hers). She knows how I feel about lies. Lying (we're not talking just a white lie here) to me is like telling an ENFP that all they care about is themselves and that everything that they do to make people happy is an attempt to manipulate them and get what they want. She should know how big of a move it was for me to agree to forgive her, even though it has been a relatively slow process. That should be something she uses to help her come around. Of course I won't tell her that, that would be emotional blackmail. And although my forgiving hasn't been an overnight process, I have still maintained love while rebuilding trust separately, and did not do it with her out of my life like she wants to do with me. I don't get why people can't say something they don't mean in a time of weakness. Like I said, I'm leaving it all in her hands now. I've done everything I can to be the best boyfriend I can before the argument, and directly after the argument. If she can't see that, I think I'm better off with a non-ENFP that is not a fair weather fan.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by fecaleagle View Post
    but I still feel that the emotion in your post is an overreaction,
    Totally. And how.

    I don't get why people can't say something they don't mean in a time of weakness.
    I am in complete agreement with you because it's going to happen in any LTR, or any family relationship, or whatever.

    I think there's a lot of self-righteousness in this thread, and it's on my nerves. And I don't mean the OP.

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by fecaleagle View Post
    Well that is very self-righteous. Especially given what I've read about ENFPs making ridiculously bad judgment calls a lot of times. That sounds like something an INTJ would say (which would even be considered as coming off as cocky by our own standards lol), and I would trust a decision like that more with an INTJ over an ENFP, all else held equal. I just really believe that thinking is more likely to arrive at the correct decision than feeling, so hopefully she will implement her Te function, which I am glad has been developing as we have dated I mean feeling is great and all, but it just creates disasters that thinking fixes, hehe. She should know that as a her boyfriend, AND as an INTJ, I don't lie. It's just something I don't do. It's something I detest. It's something I don't get over (except I have forgiven my girlfriend before, after my center core was shattered like hers). She knows how I feel about lies. Lying (we're not talking just a white lie here) to me is like telling an ENFP that all they care about is themselves and that everything that they do to make people happy is an attempt to manipulate them and get what they want. She should know how big of a move it was for me to agree to forgive her, even though it has been a relatively slow process. That should be something she uses to help her come around. Of course I won't tell her that, that would be emotional blackmail. And although my forgiving hasn't been an overnight process, I have still maintained love while rebuilding trust separately, and did not do it with her out of my life like she wants to do with me. I don't get why people can't say something they don't mean in a time of weakness. Like I said, I'm leaving it all in her hands now. I've done everything I can to be the best boyfriend I can before the argument, and directly after the argument. If she can't see that, I think I'm better off with a non-ENFP that is not a fair weather fan.
    It sounds like you have it all figured out. Good luck.

  6. #46
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    whoa did you really just call him self righteous and then go on to belittle the way an enfp processes information while saying how much better your approach is and laughing about it like it was cute for anyone to assume otherwise???
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    whoa did you really just call him self righteous and then go on to belittle the way an enfp processes information while saying how much better your approach is and laughing about it like it was cute for anyone to assume otherwise???
    His post basically reduces down to "I'm smarter than her and if she'll just think about it like I've been training her to do, she'll come back to me."

  8. #48
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    I'm very sorry to say this, Fecaleagle, but when I read the O.P. I couldn't help but think you sound a little psycho and obsessed.

    I haven't read through the thread, but surely I'm not the only one who picked up on this.

    I think that's probably why she left.
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  9. #49
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stalemate View Post
    His post basically reduces down to "I'm smarter than her and if she'll just think about it like I've been training her to do, she'll come back to me."
    yeah i know. really illuminates the amount of respect he has.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison
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  10. #50
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    Thank you, fecaleagle, for this enlightening thread.

    I have come to the conclusion that there is no way in hell I'm an ENFP.

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