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  1. #11
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    that's a very good point kiddykat...it's like you view them and the relationship as this beautiful sparking perfect diamond and then in one instant it's shattered...beyond repair.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  2. #12
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    ^ Maybe not the 'you don't care about me' accusation but it might have been interpreted to her as 'whatever you said wasn't enough to comfort me/however you expressed your care wasn't enough (good enough).'

  3. #13
    Senior Member fecaleagle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    Perhaps your girlfriend assumed that amount your enthusiasm/openness = amount of your love?
    She understands INTJs very well I feel like, and especially me because I am a unique INTJ with many INTP qualities, which she has said makes me so perfect for her. I really thought that all of the cuddling, kissing, ridiculously awesome sex, compliments (all of which I really really enjoyed), THOUGHTFUL gifts, and talking on the phone (I did this just to make her happy because I hate non-face-to-face contact). I kind of felt like I was going over the top given my personality type. We have helped each other grow so much and I hate to see that end. Sorry I'm babbling which I never do, hopefully I am coherent.

  4. #14
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    that's a very good point kiddykat...it's like you view them and the relationship as this beautiful sparking perfect diamond and then in one instant it's shattered...beyond repair.
    how did this post here? before the post that i responded too.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #15
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    omg i'm tripping out.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison
    Likes Gentleman Jack liked this post

  6. #16
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    i think this thread is being weird...lady x....or we are both tripping...

  7. #17
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fecaleagle View Post
    I apologized for momentarily being selfish, rash, and an asshole. I have told her that I would be very appreciative if she could find it in her heart to be able to trust me again, and allow me to prove to her that she means the world to me and always has. I have told her that from now on please express when you feel emotionally hurt so we can work on the issue right then, which will end up being miscommunication most of the time! The thing about the trust issue..I lost all trust in her 8 months ago, and after I saw how much she kept telling me that she loved me, I decided to let her regain my trust which she had nearly done by this point. I don't see why I don't deserve the same chance, considering that she lost my trust via ACTIONS and I lost her trust via WORDS
    i am sorry you're hurting and i can see to you words don't hold much weight but she may not feel the same...like rebe said...hurtful words get replayed constantly...until it becomes impossible to trust that you did not mean them...she may very much want to work it out...but can't help but hear those words when she looks at you and feel the hurt all over again.

    i think lots of open conversation with lots of emotional expression might help tho so fight for her if it's worth it to you.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #18
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fecaleagle View Post
    The thing is, I always showed her respect, always told her how much she means to me, and we were just so happy together. Just a few months ago she wrote on a card how we were soulmates and she even recently mentioned how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I've also told her I agree, but I guess I could've been more open in these more serious emotional situations. I've always been there to help her through any problem, and to minimize her pain and distress. It just doesn't make sense that she would give up so quickly. I mean now she is bringing up random things I've said where she completely misinterpreted me but showed no emotional reaction until now, when I have explained to her what I really meant that apologized that my words could have hurt her. Nothing major at all here. She just seems to be focusing on a few bad things I have SAID (many of them misinterpreted) and completely ignoring all my loving ACTIONS

    edit: The only other thing I can think of is how some of her family members don't like me much because they know nothing about me, and blame it on me because I am so introverted. They expect me to suck up to them and make me like me. So as an ENFP I can see how she wants to please everyone
    With family, I could give 2 shits worth what they think about the guy I'm dating, not unless they agree. If I'm into someone, I don't care to please.

    About her bringing up the 'small' issues- sounds so much like what I do. To me- trust is IMPORTANT.. Like Lady_X says- VERY important. Little things that's said & done, say the most to me. I'm not talking about the significant other as a 'person,' but how they treat the relationship from get-go.

    I think for me, how I see it is- my partner either has my back or doesn't. Should he be in pain or suffering through family turbulence, I am 'there' to support him (friends too). I'm loyal in a sense that I dedicate my time/efforts wholeheartedly. I don't halfass, because that would be like living a lie.

    So when I'm 'there' and certain things that are said/done that show a lack of 'caring' shuts me off completely, in that I don't think I will ever be able to see that person in the light I once 'thought'. I have a tendency to 'over-idealize' people/situations, drawing conclusions like stuff about 'soul-mates' when that one moment occurs- the final drop of a needle- I'm brought back to reality, and realize maybe I was delusional. Then I wish that person luck, because in my mind, if there really was an 'element' of respect, then those words, those thoughts, those actions, would NOT occur in the first place.

    Since she's her, and I'm me, being ENFP will not mean that my answer is her's. Tell her exactly what's posted here and show you're willing to work things out. Then again, my ex even had us attend a 'couple's therapy' session, and my motive was to get out.. I know I sound neggers right now, but that's the truth about how I work.. Once trust is broken, I don't know how I can repair my perceptions of our happiest moments, compensated for that 'one' point in time in which I felt that degree of pain that lasted longer than I wished.. With friends I'm somewhat forgiving, but not really. Respect is there or it isn't, I think. I forgive depending on what it is. Hard to forget.

  9. #19
    Senior Member fecaleagle's Avatar
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    I just don't get it. It was a lie I said because I guess I subconsciously knew it would hurt her, but did not realize how sensitive an ENFP can be. If someone said that to me and then told me they didn't mean it and they were sincere, I would be like okay just don't do that again. I wouldn't reanalyze and entire relationship based on one lie. But now I know, and have vowed to never purposely hurt her again. Everyone makes mistakes right? Mine wasn't even calculated. Why can't she see that? I've explained exactly where I was coming from, and provided countless examples of how I truly think she is supportive of me and cares about me

  10. #20
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    maybe give her more time. a month isn't that long. let her spend time alone and with other guys and maybe she will realize that she wants to work things out with you (once she realize the slim pickings )

    sometimes, we just need to let our emotions process, however illogical they may be and once the storm has calmed, she can see the facts, history, actions and hear what you have been telling her and return to you with a clean plate. we need to slam the door to process, otherwise, we just get more and more confused by all the new information.

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