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  1. #141
    Senior Member fecaleagle's Avatar
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    Man emotions are intense. I have lost 10 pounds of muscle mass because of all of this despite my efforts at the gym and kitchen. There goes many months of a grueling diet and training regimine That is an additional source of frustration. Hopefully my deeper understanding of what is going on will calm my emotional centers down.

  2. #142
    Senior Member fecaleagle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stringstheory View Post
    It does.

    What kind of progress has been made with your girlfriend since you started this thread? We like updates
    Well...I haven't talked to her on the phone for like a week. I haven't seen her in like 1 month and a few weeks...and she wants to temporarily cut off any sort of communication...and to talk to other guys to "reprove" to herself how good our connection is

  3. #143
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    ^ I am sorry you're suffering. I hate the 'waiting part' myself, it gnaws at me. Try to keep your mind on other things, your job or a hobby, hang out with friends and take it easy. You have done a lot to show her you are sorry and that you love her, give her time and see if she will come back to you. If she does, it will be a tremendous step forward in your relationship and you will both know how much you really mean to each other.

  4. #144
    Senior Member fecaleagle's Avatar
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    I mean I respect the need for time alone and what not, but simply giving me confirmation that she got the letter would be nice, ya know? There's no need to be cruel when I'm doing everything I can

  5. #145
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    She may not know you need confirmation ... unless you already said 'could you confirm with me that you got my letter just so I know'

    It sounds dumb but when we become self-conscious, we become very sparse in our communication because we don't know what to do and how much to do it anymore without sticking our neck out. We feel that we might do or say or feel too much, so we do none of it. I go from extreme to extreme.

  6. #146
    Senior Member fecaleagle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    She may not know you need confirmation ... unless you already said 'could you confirm with me that you got my letter just so I know'

    It sounds dumb but when we become self-conscious, we become very sparse in our communication because we don't know what to do and how much to do it anymore without sticking our neck out. We feel that we might do or say or feel too much, so we do none of it. I go from extreme to extreme.
    I think I just need to stop thinking so much . Easier said than done. Ha I just realized the irony in that sentence

    edit: It doesn't sound dumb at all And it sounds like exactly what is happening to her, I just need to be more empathetic and less critical of things

  7. #147
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fecaleagle View Post
    Well...I haven't talked to her on the phone for like a week. I haven't seen her in like 1 month and a few weeks...and she wants to temporarily cut off any sort of communication...and to talk to other guys to "reprove" to herself how good our connection is

    How "temporary" are we talking? Did you discuss at least an approximate amount of time, or is it rather open ended?

    I wouldn't be surprised if it were either, i'm usually not good with pinning down dates in situations like these, but make sure to stay in touch with how this situation affects you (and i can see it's really disrupting your routine). tbh if she's anything like me (since i can only go on my experience ) i would probably get about 2 weeks max talking to other guys before i cracked and realized it wasn't what i wanted. but at some point it will be more trouble than it's worth, no matter how much you love her. give her your understanding and her time, she needs it; but don't be afraid to stand up for your self if too much time goes by and you've had enough.

    while i think it's too soon to say for sure on our end, marmalade.sunrise is right in that we can get wayyyy too caught up in our negative emotions and be VERY vengeful if we feel someone has really wronged us. it's true that she'll need time to feel comfortable again, maybe a lot. just keep that in mind, don't worry for now, you've done the best you can and i think you'll know when something is awry.
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  8. #148
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    fecaleagle, I am not the only one who has notice that your words belie an unspoken (perhaps non-conscious) belief that your way (i.e., T) is superior to her way (F).







    Ohhh the memories of my INTJ…. He loved me soooo much… And, if you asked him, he’d tell you that he respected me, too. But his behavior didn’t always match his words. He loved that I could hold up my end of the conversation. He appreciated the pizzazz I brought to his life. But, he did NOT respect my Fi. On some level he thought it silly, childish, and desperately in need of a Te education. There was definitely a paternalistic/pedantic undertone in his dealings with me.

    Anytime I did something that he interpreted as my Fi “flying off the handle” he dismissed me. This quick dismissal of my input. This fundamental lack of respect for the way I prioritized things. This paternalistic attitude that came through when he corrected me for being overly emotional. Well, you should know that this is why my INTJ lost me. You should also know that I see you heading down the same path.

    While I think it is in an INTJ’s nature to be self-assured in whatever they do, do not let that J assuredness make you forget your own foibles. It’s not just that you, fecaleagle, don’t know it all. It’s that all people with your type, have predictable blind spots in their way of thinking. The INTJ is not the R-ight way. It’s just one of 16 equally valid ways of seeing the world.

    You have only one shot at not losing her forever... at least as this ENFP sees it:

    You can let her be your teacher in this matter. You can choose to see the unique / special / complementary gifts that your ENFP brings to your life… that all Fs (Fi’s) bring to people’s lives. If you do some hard soul-searching here, maybe you’ll come to appreciate that your ENFP has gifts that you can’t even begin to compete with. For example, no matter how mad she is at you, I doubt she’d ever make the boneheaded move you did in your original post. You can learn a lot from her in matters of the heart… if you allow yourself to be taught.

    So are you up for the challenge? INTJ enjoy intellectual exercises like solving puzzles. I applaud you for coming to this forum to try to understand what’s going on with your girlfriend. This is a good first step. And, somewhat of a challenge.

    But if you want to rise to the demands of an even bigger challenge, you will put away your INTJ self-assuredness and approach this situation with an intellectual humility that is probably very difficult for you.

    In other words, you are going to have to be intellectually vulnerable to her. This isn't about fair. This isn't about taking turns. Such things fall under the purview of Te. This is about letting her take the lead in this area. This is about your publicly recognizing that she is naturally more gifted in matters of the heart than you. And, then letting her teach you how to have a better heart.

    I don’t know if this is enough to keep her at this point. Too much damage may have already been done. But regardless, you will be a better man for it.
    LOL, its really sad how much of a hypocrite you are being in this post. It kinda makes me sick...disgusted. Yeah, I said it.

    Hey, fecaleagle, do not let the ENFPs convince you that you were entirely in the wrong (which most of them seem to be strictly advocating). It seems pretty clear to me that both individuals were in the wrong. Just my 2 cents.

  9. #149
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Time View Post
    LOL, its really sad how much of a hypocrite you are being in this post. It kinda makes me sick...disgusted. Yeah, I said it.

    Hey, fecaleagle, do not let the ENFPs convince you that you were entirely in the wrong (which most of them seem to be strictly advocating). It seems pretty clear to me that both individuals were in the wrong. Just my 2 cents.
    HEY...I'm an ENFP and I said the same thing!!!!

    Or maybe I'm an ESFP.

    But yeah.

  10. #150
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    Quote Originally Posted by perfectgirl View Post
    I think you're really INFJ.

    I'm not ISFP, so don't even think about it!
    I test INFJ sometimes, but people tell me I'm too confrontational.

    I never thought you were ISFP, just so you know.

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