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  1. #111
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    everybody suffers...regardless of the types of the people in the relationship. saying it's sick or that she naive because she becomes involved with someone and has issues? everyone has issues...i just don't think it's a type thing.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  2. #112
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    it's a dumb assumption. intjs may have natural command because of their Te, but enfps also have a command, and that is over Fi matters (and all the shades in-between and outside of these two functions). everyone has strengths and weaknesses, some are more apparent to outsiders and can be observed in a few paragraphs written over the internet, some strengths are less obvious but still important to a relationship and to the workings of the world.

  3. #113
    Senior Member Ratsimoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Grow a fucking pair. Mean?? For someone who doesn't want me to demonize them. Why say something like that

    And I wasn't making a generalization based on this episode, but based on several examples I've read on this very forum for months (years almost) now.

    I'm not saying every ENFP chick is like this, but it's a pattern I've noticed. And I have no allegiance with my own type when it's something I don't like. And I don't like it because I see the ENFPs suffering a lot of the time. Although the ITJs suffer too of course depending on the case.

    Don't try to demonize me Ratsimoan. Take it objectively from someone who is also an ENFP. If ENFPs don't strive to point out other ENFP's weaknesses then there is NO ONE who can get the ENFP to hear them. Because we all know how ENFPs take criticism...

    Guess my logic fails though, because ENFPs don't like to hear it from me either. But obviously I'm a dick, so my comments can be shrugged off real easy.
    Anyway, I'm tired. Nor do I feel like arguing because it's stupid. I wouldn't say you're a dick, except for the
    Grow a fucking pair. Mean??
    pair. You're right your comments will slide off my back not because I can't handle criticism but I don't think you're saying anything I need to hear. I know you have good intention but the way offer criticism is very harsh- like a sharp knife entering into the heart.
    [SIGPIC] [/SIGPIC]

    Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace."
    — Sylvia Plath (The Bell Jar)

    "Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted."
    — Sylvia Plath

  4. #114
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    My conclusions on the OP:
    • You really hurt her feelings (Fi) even if you didn't mean to. (The fact that you didn't mean to doesn't make it any less "bad".)

    • She lost the trust to you and about 2 of you, but maybe for only a short period of time.

    • She wants you to really prove (maybe in your terms: overdue) that she is special and that you regret what you said. Show it.

    The other option is that you hurt her too bad (in her point of view) and it's over but as an ENFP I would say she wouldn't let go so "easily" (but i'm not her so I wouldn't know for sure). It might be that it takes more time for her to get over your words than for you to get over her words. Remember, ENFP's don't certainly think or act like INTJ's and maybe you are expecting her to react to the situation as you would react to it.

  5. #115
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    Crap, I need to stop repeating myself!
    LOL! I've had this thought myself when rereading some of my posts on this forum.

    Saltine, what you wrote was really quite good. And the positive response of so many ENFPs on this thread supports my evaluation.

    So let me add my voice to the chorus. Fecal, until you "get" what Saltine wrote, you will not "get" your ENFP girlfriend.

    And, in general, an ENFP will not knit their souls with someone they don't believe "gets" them.

  6. #116
    Senior Member fecaleagle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    LOL! I've had this thought myself when rereading some of my posts on this forum.

    Saltine, what you wrote was really quite good. And the positive response of so many ENFPs on this thread supports my evaluation.

    So let me add my voice to the chorus. Fecal, until you "get" what Saltine wrote, you will not "get" your ENFP girlfriend.

    And, in general, an ENFP will not knit their souls with someone they don't believe "gets" them.
    Interesting. Out of curiosity, do you really think that just because I didn't "get" that aspect of how she would react to something, that it's safe to say that I don't "get" her? That seems harsh because our connection is so strong and so deep, but of course not as deep as it can be. It's kind of like saying that she doesn't "get" me because she is taking my words so personally. I think that overall she "gets" me, and that I "get" her, but that we have so much left to learn about our intricacies. Does that mean we shouldn't knit our souls? I'm just trying to learn. Satine's post was eye opening for sure, and I feel like I understand my gf much better now, but I don't feel like I "get" her more because I view that as more of a broad area. From some of these posts, it seems like ENFPs can be really harsh, critical, and mistrustful on the inside, despite what they show on the surface to the ones they trust most Am I just misunderstanding?

    You really hurt her feelings (Fi) even if you didn't mean to. (The fact that you didn't mean to doesn't make it any less "bad".
    It doesn't make it ANY less bad? I mean it was a terrible thing to do and her reaction is justified, but does my intent mean nothing at all?

  7. #117
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    Speaking as an Enfp who has been hurt by the sometimes unexpected harshness of an NT,

    i think what happened is you crushed her pride. In her mind she has to have you at the same level she was when you 'broke up' with her.

    i think now would be a good time to completely abandon your pride for the sake of such a wonderful girl and wonderful relationship.

  8. #118
    Senior Member fecaleagle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Emectar View Post
    i think what happened is you crushed her pride. In her mind she has to have you at the same level she was when you 'broke up' with her.
    Isn't that vindictiveness? She would be purposely trying to hurt me as an act of justice, which is very similar to what I did to cause this mess. I have finally set aside my pride and written her a thoughtful letter, so hopefully she sets aside hers, if what you say is true

  9. #119
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fecaleagle View Post
    Interesting. Out of curiosity, do you really think that just because I didn't "get" that aspect of how she would react to something, that it's safe to say that I don't "get" her? That seems harsh because our connection is so strong and so deep, but of course not as deep as it can be. It's kind of like saying that she doesn't "get" me because she is taking my words so personally. I think that overall she "gets" me, and that I "get" her, but that we have so much left to learn about our intricacies. Does that mean we shouldn't knit our souls? I'm just trying to learn. Satine's post was eye opening for sure, and I feel like I understand my gf much better now, but I don't feel like I "get" her more because I view that as more of a broad area. From some of these posts, it seems like ENFPs can be really harsh, critical, and mistrustful on the inside, despite what they show on the surface to the ones they trust most Am I just misunderstanding?
    The main problem is that you're still not fully acknowledging the emotional devastation that your words and actions had on her (or would on most humans, anyway). To use an analogy, it's like people who cheat and then come back to their SOs saying, "but it didn't mean anything and it was just about the sex. K? Good. Let's move on."

    Your words might not have meant much to you, but they did to her. Because they were harsh words. So your intent doesn't count for a whole lot, because the devastation is the same. You have to prove to her that you "get" THAT, and that in the future you will make an honest and sincere effort to not react in a way that you don't mean that is hurtful to her. Furthermore, you've acknowledged that your intent wasn't that great to begin with, because you wanted to hurt her in that brief moment. Indicative of your overall relationship? Maybe not. Hurtful and mean? Absolutely. Take ownership. FULL ownership. Don't come to her with "I'm sorry, but you have to understand where I was coming from, because I had just had a bad day and INTJs think this way and blahblahblah." Just apologize. And then promise you will do better. And then make an effort to do better. YOU are the one that stepped in it here.

    Perhaps later when things have calmed down, the two of you can discuss the difference in natural communication styles. But she still has the right not to be bombarded with hurtful words or actions that you don't mean, just because you had a bad day.
    Something Witty

  10. #120
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fecaleagle View Post
    Isn't that vindictiveness? She would be purposely trying to hurt me as an act of justice, which is very similar to what I did to cause this mess. I have finally set aside my pride and written her a thoughtful letter, so hopefully she sets aside hers, if what you say is true
    OH EM GEE THIS IS NOT A CONTEST. Stop playing tit for tat. You will not win. You may win the argument, but lose the girl.

    You might want to see the thread about when being logical doesn't make much sense. This is one of those times.
    Something Witty

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