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  1. #91
    Senior Member fecaleagle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    also...just another thought as a very f person...i can know something logically. i can know someone loves me based on actions...logically i can taste it but it doesn't satiate or fill that emotional need.

    if that makes sense.
    Haha she told me this exactly recently. That's so strange to me! That's the most frustrating part of it all for me as an INTJ. Trying to understand what you mean is like trying to picture anything beyond the third dimension

  2. #92
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fecaleagle View Post
    Haha she told me this exactly recently. That's so strange to me! That's the most frustrating part of it all for me as an INTJ. Trying to understand what you mean is like trying to picture anything beyond the third dimension

    But its part of the fun

    Besides, you boys do this as well, sweetheart. Its kinda cute to wathc, especially as you *know* its totally illogical but cannot help it
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  3. #93
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stringstheory View Post
    NF/NT Communication



    Same...I actually found Stypgs post interesting because in my relationships with ITJs, I'm usually the dominant one. I've had relationships where I was not; overall neither was better than the other, provided that balance and mutual respect were otherwise an element of the relationship. Submissive doesn't necessarily mean "subordinate", imo
    yeah..i can't really be submissive so much or let someone dominate my relationships. my experience with the itj was a constant power struggle tho....him trying to assert himself and me saying fucking stop! i will not tolerate anything less than equality so check that shit now dude!! for years and years...fun fun.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #94
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fecaleagle View Post
    Haha she told me this exactly recently. That's so strange to me! That's the most frustrating part of it all for me as an INTJ. Trying to understand what you mean is like trying to picture anything beyond the third dimension
    it's like really needing a hug and having them tell you just think about me hugging you and pretend.

    or...something.

    edit: hmmm...really shit example. i'll come up with something better....just you wait!!

    edit again...i got nothin. :/
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #95
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Interesting..I enjoy the break it gives me to have them control my life. But I fought it for 10 years, to keep my freedom and independence, at least at the core.

    I'm starting to understand though, that with the right man, who respects you and values you for who you are, it is an honor to have them take over as you know they only have your best interest at heart. I'll gladly submit to that and trust in their natural leadership. I also know that at any given time I'm able to walk away...but I so don't want to.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  6. #96
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fecaleagle View Post
    I just don't get it. It was a lie I said because I guess I subconsciously knew it would hurt her, but did not realize how sensitive an ENFP can be. If someone said that to me and then told me they didn't mean it and they were sincere, I would be like okay just don't do that again. I wouldn't reanalyze and entire relationship based on one lie. But now I know, and have vowed to never purposely hurt her again. Everyone makes mistakes right? Mine wasn't even calculated. Why can't she see that? I've explained exactly where I was coming from, and provided countless examples of how I truly think she is supportive of me and cares about me
    You are not taking seriously how much you've hurt her with words that meant nothing to you. They obviously didn't mean nothing to HER. You have to own up to this sincerely, rather than coming to her with the attitude of, "Seriously, why can't you get over this? Sheesh!" I'm sure she can sense that attitude.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    Satine's post,



    Completely agree.

    I think it's complete bullshit when someone I love lashes out at me because they are frustrated. They can lash out and express anger, but not personally at me. I didn't do anything. I am not there to be your emotional punching bag.
    Satine's post was brilliant. Here it is again. http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...49-post26.html
    Take it seriously, fecal.

    Quote Originally Posted by fecaleagle View Post
    Well I agree because in the end all I want is for us to be together and happy again. I have spoken my heart without trying to tell her what to think, and told her she can have her time and I'll wait because she is so important to me. The only thing I do regret is initially trying to share my logic and facts of the situation, I hope I didn't make it seem as if I was discounting her emotions or trying to manipulate her with logic, but I don't think it came off as that way because I was very genuine. I stopped with the logical arguments when we talked after I read this thread and how it could be perceived as bad, so thanks for the insight But at the same time, if it doesn't work out, then I know that I should we weary in being in a relationship with an ENFP since I know that their process is capable of drawing an incorrect decision of such magntitude (that I don't love her).
    Nope. I'm an INTP chick and would have been deeply hurt by you lashing out at me in a concerted effort to hurt me. If I'm in a relationship with you, I've laid myself bare, like Satine indicated. That means I trust you to THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. You don't get to say hurtful things to me just because you're in a bad mood that day. You can vent about other people all you want to me, and I'm cool. But you don't get to throw privileged information back in my face or poke around at my weaknesses or call me nasty names or anything of the like, then tell me you didn't mean it.

    I can be furious at you and never throw crap in your face or act out to make you hurt the way I'm hurting. If I love you, I keep your heart safe. </feely language>
    Something Witty

  7. #97
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    You are not taking seriously how much you've hurt her with words that meant nothing to you. They obviously didn't mean nothing to HER. You have to own up to this sincerely, rather than coming to her with the attitude of, "Seriously, why can't you get over this? Sheesh!" I'm sure she can sense that attitude.



    Satine's post was brilliant. Here it is again. http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...49-post26.html
    Take it seriously, fecal.



    Nope. I'm an INTP chick and would have been deeply hurt by you lashing out at me in a concerted effort to hurt me. If I'm in a relationship with you, I've laid myself bare, like Satine indicated. That means I trust you to THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. You don't get to say hurtful things to me just because you're in a bad mood that day. You can vent about other people all you want to me, and I'm cool. But you don't get to throw privileged information back in my face or poke around at my weaknesses or call me nasty names or anything of the like, then tell me you didn't mean it.

    I can be furious at you and never throw crap in your face or act out to make you hurt the way I'm hurting. If I love you, I keep your heart safe. </feely language>
    that's it exactly tho. it's like the line you don't cross.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #98
    Senior Member fecaleagle's Avatar
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    I have been studying Satine's post, along with the other helpful ones. I have learned so much from this thread in such a short period of time, I should have come here earlier. I feel like by not doing so, I was not being the best boyfriend I could be I've just been mentally preoccupied I guess and neglected both of our emotions in the relationship, which I will never do again. That's the good thing about many INTJs We don't really repeat mistakes once we figure out why we made them and why they were wrong, plus we are fast learners. I now fully understand that there is absolutely no objectivity when it comes to feeling. I feel foolish about trying to convince myself otherwise. I seriously hope my gf doesn't think I was trying to belittle her feelings. She has every right to have them, and they are just as valid as my logic. I surely hope that they can withstand the abuse that I put them through, and am content with either result because I lit the match on the fire. I hope she can trust me not only the same, but even more in the future and let her emotional guard down. I want to be able to do anything I can to take her inner sadness away. I hope she can put away all of the smiles and expose herself to me once again because I want to help her with all of her problems, either directly or indirectly by helping her grow. I feel emotionally confused right now :-/

  9. #99
    Senior Member Liesl's Avatar
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    I haven't read through this thread very carefully, but for what it's worth, you seem like an understanding and devoted INTJ. I think you should simply tell your ENFP girlfriend that you love her to pieces, that you're willing to do anything to make it work, and to please forgive you for your harsh words. That's all you can say. It's up to her to respond as she sees fit. She may not want to get back together with you, and at that point, you would need to move on.

    I can't speak for all ENFPs but I would give an ex who was willing to put everything else aside to make our relationship work a second chance if I really loved him. In less serious relationships, my feelings diminished pretty quickly after the break up.

  10. #100
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fecaleagle View Post
    I have been studying Satine's post, along with the other helpful ones. I have learned so much from this thread in such a short period of time, I should have come here earlier. I feel like by not doing so, I was not being the best boyfriend I could be I've just been mentally preoccupied I guess and neglected both of our emotions in the relationship, which I will never do again. That's the good thing about many INTJs We don't really repeat mistakes once we figure out why we made them and why they were wrong, plus we are fast learners. I now fully understand that there is absolutely no objectivity when it comes to feeling. I feel foolish about trying to convince myself otherwise. I seriously hope my gf doesn't think I was trying to belittle her feelings. She has every right to have them, and they are just as valid as my logic. I surely hope that they can withstand the abuse that I put them through, and am content with either result because I lit the match on the fire. I hope she can trust me not only the same, but even more in the future and let her emotional guard down. I want to be able to do anything I can to take her inner sadness away. I hope she can put away all of the smiles and expose herself to me once again because I want to help her with all of her problems, either directly or indirectly by helping her grow. I feel emotionally confused right now :-/
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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