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  1. #51
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I just noticed this.

    If I recall correctly, you mentioned being a homemaker and homeschooling your children. This seems like significant work to me, especially if it includes "everything except taking out the trash and mowing the grass".
    Well, he also makes his own lunches for work, washes his own clothes, handles computer problems, and does whatever repairs are needed on the house (though I usually help with those).

    I don't homeschool anymore. I am really horrible with routines, so it didn't work very well. I'm not a particularly good housekeeper and all four of the kids are in school all day during the school year. The kids are old enough not to require a lot of hands-on care and do help out a bit with stuff. When they were little it was really a lot to keep up with. Now that they are older, it's comparative gravy. The kids generally don't have a lot of out-of-school activities, so I'm not running around all the time like a soccer mom.

    So with my job, it's not something I ever get much of a break from, but the physical demand and general intensity is much less demanding than his.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
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  2. #52
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Liesl View Post
    And, if I respected his desire to put his career over me, I would've stayed in the relationship with him. So, the answer is no. This is what I was getting at with the intent of the thread...it seems to me that NTs think it's acceptable to put work over people (not just in terms of one task or to save time, but as an orientation toward life), and I am trying to generate NF reactions to that. Whilst I do not object to other people leading their lives in that way, I am completely unwilling to live that way as I find it unfulfilling.[/FONT]
    You're completely justified in wanting to find someone who fulfills your relational needs and also views the relationship in the sense that you do. It's good to know what you want in a relationship and out of a partner and what, in the end, you do not want and know does not fulfill your needs.

    As for NF reactions to the OP... (and I haven't read the majority of the responses so I know I'll be repeating stuff)... I don't think it's as cut and dry as NF/NT. If you throw in enneagram (since we're talking typology), and instinctual variants, that'll add further nuances.

    But anyway, for myself personally, I don't know that I view my relationship as #1 in priority either. I'm not entirely sure, really, but if I'm just thinking out loud I think I have a number of things of equal priority and I try to keep all of that balanced. Perhaps I've been independent/single for too long, but at this juncture, esp. with people who have also been solo for a while, I would expect them to have a lot already going on in their own lives, in terms of interest/vision/passion, and I don't know that I'd expect to suddenly become their #1. I'm not even certain I'd like that, actually..I wouldn't want them to completely throw away other aspects of their life that they're passionate about. I guess I value balance, and knowing that they desire to have me in their life, and I'm of equal importance to them as some of their other pursuits..but I don't expect or want them to give up their own individuality & independent self, I guess. I'm not sure I need to be the absolute center of their universe; I want to be a significant part of their universe but I recognize we all have other elements in our universe as well?
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  3. #53
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    I guess I value balance, and knowing that they desire to have me in their life, and I'm of equal importance to them as some of their other pursuits..but I don't expect or want them to give up their own individuality & independent self, I guess. I'm not sure I need to be the absolute center of their universe; I want to be a significant part of their universe but I recognize we all have other elements in our universe as well?
    I like this very much.

    It goes along with my thinking that each individual is complete, independently; and that together they can create more. Whether it is NF /NT, I like the idea of a partnership not based on emotional need. In my experience, being at the center of someone's universe is but a longing for them to be made whole. It is a stark unbalance, that has only caused problems. I would rather enhance, and be enhanced, than to complete, or be completed.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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  4. #54

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    Quote Originally Posted by Liesl View Post
    Both of these men seemed to think that their work was going to change the human race in such a drastic way that they should crush any human beings that get in their way.
    And it is precisely that that is part of the reason I love INTJ so much lol.

    To me that is just so. fucking. awesome. And it's the same way I feel about things... if you're not going at the highest possible speed, then what is the point. We're only here once; we are at the tail end of a legacy handed down to us from thousands of years of humans that came before (standing on the shoulders of giants, you could say); if we benefit from that legacy, and then don't do anything to make it go further than they did (as they did to those before them, etc), then that is a massive waste.

    But INTJ went and did everyone one better... they figured, why not just rid myself of humanity altogether, that way I'll have no impediments in my efforts whatsoever, and can aspire to things in a degree no one can match and really get us to reach new heights. Such dedication (gets mildly dizzy) phew, no it's ok, I'm gonna be fine lol (wipes sweat off brow)

    That was a joke btw (about ridding themselves of humanity) before anyone takes me deadly serious... looking at you @Coriolis . lol. She doesn't get the subtle, tongue-in-cheek banter I do (if by sometimes I mean all the time) She doesn't yet know it means something somewhat different to what it literally says, hence it's subtle nature. It's disappointing. It's ok though, I still your prefrontal cortex and cyborg-like speech patterns.

  5. #55
    Talk to me. Merced's Avatar
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  6. #56
    Black Rose Krim13's Avatar
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    Somehow I attract a lot of NF's and I'm drawn to a lot of NF's(mainly INFx) ... works well enough for me, friendship or romantically. But I am still curious about how another NT would be... Some reason I don't actually know any other than me.-_-'

    Except for one ENTJ 8w7 I could rant intellectual discussions with which was pretty awesome. But she was like 60 so I don't think she counts much in what I'm speaking of.
    "A life that lives without doing anything is the same as a slow death." - Lelouch Vi Britannia

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  7. #57
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Despotic Ocelot View Post
    But INTJ went and did everyone one better... they figured, why not just rid myself of humanity altogether, that way I'll have no impediments in my efforts whatsoever, and can aspire to things in a degree no one can match and really get us to reach new heights. Such dedication (gets mildly dizzy) phew, no it's ok, I'm gonna be fine lol (wipes sweat off brow)


    Quote Originally Posted by Despotic Ocelot View Post
    That was a joke btw (about ridding themselves of humanity) before anyone takes me deadly serious... looking at you @Coriolis . lol. She doesn't get the subtle, tongue-in-cheek banter I do (if by sometimes I mean all the time) She doesn't yet know it means something somewhat different to what it literally says, hence it's subtle nature. It's disappointing. It's ok though, I still your prefrontal cortex and cyborg-like speech patterns.
    You are too subtle for your own good.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  8. #58
    Senior Member thepumpkinpot's Avatar
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    I was in a "relationship" (if you can call it like that) with an ENTP a year ago and yeah, his career was more important than me, but I have to add he was an overall very unhealthy person, so who knows if this attitude had something to do with him being an NT. He didn't do anything to keep the relationship alive, aside from throwing duties at me, which benefitted him in some way, while I had no right to even ask him to do anything for me. I also had to do a few things with him like gaming with him on the playstation or else he'd start a fight with me. Needless to say, this relationship didn't last long, I broke up with him after about three months.

    I must be honest and say I do put my passions before anyone else too. I loved everyone of my SOs, but I gotta have my own life. I had relationships with a lot of NFs though and none of them have ever complaint about me abandoning them in some way. Though, two of them were a little bit too clingy for my taste and wanted to spend endless hours with me doing nothing of importance (if you are so eager to spent time with me, at least talk to me or let's do something entertaining). But no, we were laying around in bed, watching movies nearly every evening. And one of these two bf's expected me to put them before my passions, even pushed me. In the end I exploded and told them to beat it immediately. I don't like living and breathing solely for another person, no matter how much I love them. I did love them very very much, but my SOs aren't my reason for living. Some NFs don't understand that and it's annoying and a little bit co-dependent if you ask me.

    One ENTJ I was with when I was 16 was very passionate about weight training. He talked a lot about it and was in fact very muscular and fit, and looked down the route of becoming a professional athlete in some way. I knew the weight training was incredibly important to him but I never felt as if it was more important to him than me although he was in some way putting it before me? I don't know how to explain it but some people are quite good at showing you that although their career or passion means the world to them, you do too, equally. I had my own stuff going on as well, so we had our lives, but - and that was very important - we chose to make room for the other person, so we didn't have to sacrifice our passions for one another. That way the whole conflict of "what's more important, the relationship or your passion" never even surfaced in the first place. If you understand what I'm trying to say you deserve a reward. Sorry for my crappy explanation ... it's hard to put it into words and I'm tired as hell.
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