First of all, thank you so much to everyone; all of your responses were interesting.
I totally understand where you are coming from. I get absorbed in my work too when something that's deeply important to me is going on. And there are certainly more times than I'd like to admit that I'm a bit neglectful of my relationships (a cancelled lunch date or an unreturned phone call) so that I can take care of things for myself (whether it's work-related or just to create some time in my day to catch up with my thoughts). Actually it also happens partially because I'm not always the most organized person, particularly when I'm under stress.
That said, I am always there for the people that love me, whatever the cost is to myself, when they really need be to be there. That was the problem with the first guy. He was never there for me when it was important to me, but he never missed a beat of work. He did a thousand things to make me feel like I was an accessory that he would make time for if it behooved him, but that if he was doing stuff for work, it didn't matter if I was hit by a train or what was happening to me. It was like he was on an unstoppable roller coaster that was his working life, and if my wellbeing, my happiness, and my life had to be a casualty of his working life, that was sad to him in the most shallow of senses but completely necessary and justified. I don't know why it took me so long to leave him except that I adored him, that he was a lot more attentive when he was wooing me, and I kept thinking that I wasn't being articulate enough about my needs.
It was a similar thing with the second guy, albeit toned down.
Good question. See above. My question for you based on what've said here is:
Are there types that are just almost always totally incompatible with each other? Or can any two types work out a relationship if they are self-actualized and emotionally skilled?
Exactly! I love ENTPs too; they can be driven to the point of a bit of hostility, but they get the big picture where people and the rest of the world matter. I think it's why I love Jimmy Kimmel so much out of all of the late night comedians.
I agree with everything you said here. When we care about someone, their happiness is important to us so we do things to meet their needs. And if we can't, then maybe we were never meant to be together in the first place. I'm glad you had a different experience with an INTJ! And as far as dating me if you were male: LOL, thank you and likewise.