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[NF] NF women, do you want kids?

NF women - do you want children?

  • I'm ENFJ - I want/have children

    Votes: 1 1.1%
  • I'm ENFJ - I do NOT want children

    Votes: 3 3.3%
  • I'm INFJ - I want/have children

    Votes: 22 24.2%
  • I'm INFJ - I do NOT want children

    Votes: 5 5.5%
  • I'm ENFP - I want/have children

    Votes: 11 12.1%
  • I'm ENFP - I do NOT want children

    Votes: 4 4.4%
  • I'm INFP - I want/have children

    Votes: 14 15.4%
  • I'm INFP - I do NOT want children

    Votes: 8 8.8%
  • I'm not NF

    Votes: 5 5.5%
  • I'm not a female

    Votes: 12 13.2%
  • I don't know yet or any other answer that's not in the poll

    Votes: 6 6.6%

  • Total voters
    91

INTPness

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I'm wondering what trends we will see between the 4 NF types and a desire to have children. I have an idea of how this poll might turn out, but answer honestly and we'll see how it plays out.

I'm not talking about "yes, kids are cute. I think it would be fun." I'm talking about having strong enough of an innate desire for children that you are willing and able to give up a good amount of your own independence and to put up with the "not so fun stuff" that comes with it. Your desire for children overrides your desire to do whatever you want, whenever you want.

If you kind of want kids, but you "just don't want to give up your independence", then the answer in the poll would be no.

Feel free to discuss why you do or don't want children and what you think that has to do with your individual type or personality preferences.
 

angelhair45

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I have a child, and I feel I am a very good mother, but I do struggle with having had to give up my independence. It isn't easy, but I feel it's worth it.
 

HollyGolightly

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What's more beautiful than creating a life and helping to shape it into the best individual it can be? And I think the bond between a child and their mother is equally as beautiful. I think it's totally worth giving up your independence etc.

I would even adopt a child. Most people seem to want to adopt babies...but I wouldn't mind adopting a teenager...even one with behavioural problems. A lot of people I have spoken who claim to have maternal instincts just seem to like cute little kids...like it said in the OP, they have the attitude: "yes, kids are cute. I think it would be fun." I dunno, I just think what I feel is so much stronger than that...I'm more than prepared to take the rough with the smooth. I don't think I would ever be able to say that my life felt meaningless or empty...and feeling will be so worth all the "not so fun stuff" that would come with being a parent.
 

INTPness

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What's more beautiful than creating a life and helping to shape it into the best individual it can be? And I think the bond between a child and their mother is equally as beautiful. I think it's totally worth giving up your independence etc.

I would even adopt a child. Most people seem to want to adopt babies...but I wouldn't mind adopting a teenager...even one with behavioural problems. A lot of people I have spoken who claim to have maternal instincts just seem to like cute little kids...like it said in the OP, they have the attitude: "yes, kids are cute. I think it would be fun." I dunno, I just think what I feel is so much stronger than that...I'm more than prepared to take the rough with the smooth. I don't think I would ever be able to say that my life felt meaningless or empty...and feeling will be so worth all the "not so fun stuff" that would come with being a parent.

Great response. That was definitely the kind of outlook I had in mind for those who would be answering "yes" to the poll. Not that those answering "no" should feel bad - not everyone has to have kids. I have an ENTP relative who desired independence over children. It was a difficult decision for her and she was in tears once when I asked her about it, but I think deep down she feared that her level of independence was too high to be fair to the kid(s). Everyone will have their own answer and for their own reasons, but thanks for the heartfelt response. Refreshing to read.
 

ajblaise

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NFs do want kids.... they just want them 10 years later than an ESFJ wants kids.
 

INTPness

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I have a child, and I feel I am a very good mother, but I do struggle with having had to give up my independence. It isn't easy, but I feel it's worth it.

I think a lot of people probably fall into this category. So many of us value our independence and we struggle to give it up. But, as you say, I'm sure that changes somewhat once you have a child.
 

Thalassa

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hmmm...I knew when I was 17 that I wouldn't have kids until I was at least 30.

I'm not sure that I want kids, and if I did, it would be just one and with a partner who also wanted children.

Being a single mother is my worst nightmare, and I don't especially relish being surrounded by children, they tie you down and limit your options and they're loud and messy....

I do love some kids though, like my nephew. I like kids the way I like adults: as individuals. I occasionally see a two year old and have the instinct, like "oh I want one" ...but no.

We'll see what happens. Talk to me in ten years.
 

Sparrow

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No kids for me...I feel mean saying this but I dont want to bring a child up in this fuc*ed up / over populated world, I feel like its selfish (no offense moms and dads). I might consider adopting when I am more established.
 

Liesl

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I would feel super blessed to have children in the future. It doesn't seem like now is the right time to do it for me.
 

Aleksei

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What the hell is it with these NF polls and excluding guys? :steam:
 

INTPness

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What the hell is it with these NF polls and excluding guys? :steam:

Ha ha. I'm a dude. A hetero dude. Therefore, your vote would mess up my lab results. Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! :D

You can still share your thoughts as an NF guy. I just mainly wanted to see how the NF ladies view this *very big life decision*.
 

Aleksei

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I want kids. Maybe. Eventually somewhere down the line.
 

alexshippee

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I want kids. I'm 20 though, so probably I'll wait a while.
When I was sixteen, I wanted to get pregnant. Thank god I didn't act on that.. I don't know what the hell I was thinking.
But anyway, yeah, I think I do want kids. Just not right now.
 

cafe

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I wanted to have six kids before I was thirty, but after I had the first one and discovered how much work it was, I decided four was enough. I had my first when I was twenty-two and my fourth when I was twenty-eight.

It was really exhausting when they were little. Now they are 11, 13, 15, 17 and I love these ages! They are good company and are great to cut up with.

I knew when I had kids that it would be a big time investment and I consider full-time mothering to be my first career. If my kids are any indication, I'm a damn good mom. Just don't inspect my house or pay attention to their clean, but dingy mismatched socks. :laugh:
 

Aquarelle

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NFs do want kids.... they just want them 10 years later than an ESFJ wants kids.

I find this to be opposite... I want to start trying to get pregnant next year after I finish grad school, but my ESFJ husband doesn't seem to want kids yet, and he's 8 years older than I am.
 

ajblaise

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I find this to be opposite... I want to start trying to get pregnant next year after I finish grad school, but my ESFJ husband doesn't seem to want kids yet, and he's 8 years older than I am.

I'm not sure male ESFJs carry the "must bear children now" gene the way the female ESFJs seem to.

Also, NFJs seem more into the prospect of parenthood than their NFP counterparts. I noticed NFPs take the "I can't bring a child into a cruel world like this" position more, and are more hesitant about the responsibility of it.
 

Thalassa

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I'm not sure male ESFJs carry the "must bare children now" gene the way the female ESFJs seem to.

1) It's "bear"
2) I knew an ISFJ guy once who was obsessed with having kids. He asked me on our first date what I wanted to name my kids. He said things like, when I have kids I'm going to give them everything. I do think that SFJ (and NFJ) males can have this nurturing instinct, but it's not guaranteed to be geared toward children...could be focused toward animals, or even other adults in the form of acting like a nurturer/caretaker or therapist.

Also, NFJs seem more into the prospect of parenthood than their NFP counterparts. I noticed NFPs take the "I can't bring a child into a cruel world like this" position more, and are more hesitant about the responsibility of it.

I doubt any of this is really significantly true, though there may be a slight bias.
 
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