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  1. #1
    Senior Member angelhair45's Avatar
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    Default How do you deal with criticism?

    I've gotten better at dealing with constructive criticism, I have trouble when I am criticized and it's in accurate. I get defensive and I can go from being super happy and energetic to being sad and unmotivated in seconds. It seems to suck the life out of me and then I turn into a bitch.

    The other thing, is many times it isn't intentionally hurtful. I just perceive it that way. Why? Uuuughhh!

  2. #2
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    I appreciate any opportunity for growth, I am pretty thick skinned when criticism is involved. If I am constructively criticized I am genuinely thankful for a new perspective on myself, a new way to evolve. If it is harsh and rude, said in a moment of anger, I sort of dismiss the person, I may think about what they said, but I won't really be bothered by it. I am normally sort of amused at them, for behaving that way, but I don't typically get offended.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

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    If something is inaccurate why would it bother you? it is then the other person who has the problem, no?

    Perhaps it bothers you because somewhere inside you know it might be accurate and you don't want accept it?

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    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Usually I feel terribly embarrassed and take it very much to heart. Sometimes I've had to take time to evaluate if the person has any motivation for criticizing that have nothing to do with me. I respond alright to criticism as long as it is done privately. However, generally someone would get much further with me if they encourage me and notice the things I am doing well (to get more of same) or explain how something I'm doing is keeping me from achieving my potential or getting to my goal. I get discouraged if I get too much negative feedback and no positive.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Usually I feel terribly embarrassed and take it very much to heart. Sometimes I've had to take time to evaluate if the person has any motivation for criticizing that have nothing to do with me. I respond alright to criticism as long as it is done privately. However, generally someone would get much further with me if they encourage me and notice the things I am doing well (to get more of same) or explain how something I'm doing is keeping me from achieving my potential or getting to my goal. I get discouraged if I get too much negative feedback and no positive.
    Same for me.

    There's almost a deep sense of shame attached to being criticised, so I immediately tend to close up completely and withdraw, even if the criticism is something constructive, until I've had time to evaluate it.

  6. #6
    Energizer Bunny Resonance's Avatar
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    If it's someone I respect, I will go to great lengths to understand what exactly is bothering them and what I can do to change it.

    If it's not, I'll probably be sarcastic and dismissive.
    The beauty of a living thing is not the atoms that go into it, but the way those atoms are put together. ~ rCoxI ~ INfj ~ 5w6 so/sp

  7. #7
    Senior Member surgery's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    If something is inaccurate why would it bother you? it is then the other person who has the problem, no?

    Perhaps it bothers you because somewhere inside you know it might be accurate and you don't want accept it?
    QFT
    "Why had he never appreciated what a miracle he was, brain and nerve and bounding heart?"

  8. #8
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lux View Post
    I appreciate any opportunity for growth, I am pretty thick skinned when criticism is involved. If I am constructively criticized I am genuinely thankful for a new perspective on myself, a new way to evolve. If it is harsh and rude, said in a moment of anger, I sort of dismiss the person, I may think about what they said, but I won't really be bothered by it. I am normally sort of amused at them, for behaving that way, but I don't typically get offended.
    I'm grateful when someone takes the time to help me see something I could be doing better. But people who throw criticism when they are angry- or trying to get out of criticism for something themselves- are instantly suspect. I generally dismiss anything said in anger because it isn’t coming from a place of wanting to be constructive, it’s coming from a place of wanting to vent- which is fine in moderation.

    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    If something is inaccurate why would it bother you? it is then the other person who has the problem, no?
    When someone is in the habit of throwing criticism at me that is inaccurate, it’s usually because they are projecting their own ill intentions on to me or trying to blow smoke over their own shortcomings. And either way: once someone starts throwing accusations at me, it becomes my problem too because I have to do the work of figuring out how to deal with the person. Even though I realize the person usually isn’t consciously doing it to be hurtful, it’s still offensive- the way a putrid odor is offensive- because it’s entirely distracting and unpleasant to be around. This is ESPECIALLY true if the inaccurate things are said in front of other people.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  9. #9
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    Constructive criticism I take well. ("It was good, but what about ____?") I can handle that and not take it personally. But, if it's rude criticism. ("Your word usage was awful! Is that really the best you can do?") Then I tend to be extremely fragile and may even give up all together...

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    I'm grateful when someone takes the time to help me see something I could be doing better. But people who throw criticism when they are angry- or trying to get out of criticism for something themselves- are instantly suspect. I generally dismiss anything said in anger because it isn’t coming from a place of wanting to be constructive, it’s coming from a place of wanting to vent- which is fine in moderation.



    When someone is in the habit of throwing criticism at me that is inaccurate, it’s usually because they are projecting their own ill intentions on to me or trying to blow smoke over their own shortcomings. And either way: once someone starts throwing accusations at me, it becomes my problem too because I have to do the work of figuring out how to deal with the person. Even though I realize the person usually isn’t consciously doing it to be hurtful, it’s still offensive- the way a putrid odor is offensive- because it’s entirely distracting and unpleasant to be around. This is ESPECIALLY true if the inaccurate things are said in front of other people.
    Perhaps you are projecting something on to their intentions. If someone is criticisng, then, in the realm of their persepctive they are correct in doing so.
    Is their realm of perception any less valuable than yours?
    To him or her there is nothing innacurate about their perceptions of you. You think it's inaccuarte, so it is you who actually ends up projecting ill intentions.
    The situation you describe sounds much like unilatteral reaction instead of honest investigation into what is perhaps a very genuine issue someone might have with you.

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