[Ni] How do you deal with criticism?

[Arclight]

what about when their false perceptions actually affect you

e.g. a boss who doesn't give you the benefit of the doubt

There was nothing absolute in my post.. Words like perhaps should be indicitive of this.
I am only offering a nugget of thought, not force feeding it.

Of course every situation brings it's own dynamics.

 

[alexshippee]

I hate it when people criticize me. I don't really know why, but I get really embarrassed. And then I can't stop thinking about it. Even days after the fact I'll get embarrassed just remembering it.
Also, If someone makes a personal comment like, "oh, your hair looks bad that way," I'll wonder if everyone thinks that and get very self conscious for days.

 

[durentu]

This is my thinking process.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

There was nothing absolute in my post.. Words like perhaps should be indicitive of this.
I am only offering a nugget of thought, not force feeding it.

Of course every situation brings it's own dynamics.

This is how he deals with criticism.

 

[Halla74]

How to Deal with Criticism:

(1) Consider the source. Is this person qualified to be critical of your work/efforts/behavior/etc.?

(2) Are they being excessively negative? Many immature people lacking self confidence will attempt to dump on the efforts of others in order to try and make themselves feel better.

(3) Regardless of the quality of their commentary, look for the parts of it that actually do afford you an opportunity to improve.

(4) If needed, in your mind, imagine telling the person to go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut if they begin to get on your nerves.

(5) Listen, reflect, drop baggage, move on. That's all you really need to do. Take it in stride. If you respect yourself, and have confidence in your work, then the criticism of others can only do so much to damper your day.

It always amazes me how many people are quick to offer "feedback" but are so sorry that they can't come up with any ideas of their own, or create anything significant for others to offer their feedback on. Talk is cheap. What have they done lately that is deserving of praise, or impressive?

 

[CuriousFeeling]

"How do you deal with criticism?"

It depends on the person and how they deliver the message. If it's offered in a very constructive, calm, and cool way, then I can handle it well. If someone shows a sense of condescension, or if the tone of voice sounds irritable about my actions/technique being bothersome to the person , it gets to me. I end up feeling embarrassed and shameful cos I feel that I have the potential to do things well and have good intentions. I get very frustrated. If I know it's coming from someone who is just trying to be a jerk towards me, I ignore them, but if it's someone who I know cares about me (family for instance), I really feel that their criticism is important even.

 

[HollyGolightly]

I don't handle any criticism well. I come across like I do...but inside I feel so wounded. I need to work on this

 

[Tiltyred]

It depends. If it's factual, something I did that they can point out was wrong or inaccurate, I apologize and correct the mistake and I don't think twice about it. If it's factual and can be corrected but they catastrophize and act like I ruined their lives and try to shame me, etc., it brings out my defiance. I fix it and then hold a grudge, and I make it my business to get away from that person.

If it's personal criticism of my character, it depends entirely on whether or not I respect the person, which goes to their motivation. If I know they are well motivated or I know they have a point of view that I respect generally, then I am glad to take criticism from them. If not, it rolls off my back and again, I engineer things so I don't have to be around that person anymore. If for some reason I do have to continue to be around them, they'll at some point get hit between the eyes with their own faults in retaliation and it's gonna hurt. I'm not proud of it but that's the truth of what happens.

I do tend to ruminate about that kind of thing after the fact. It bothers me intensely.

 

[Quiet]

lol how do I deal with criticism?

I'm still figuring this one out... I grew up with so much harsh criticism and very little acknowledgement on my goodness, so usually I inicially feel like I have done something bad or wrong and I feel sorrow. I usually feel worried that I have ruined something good between myself and whomever is criticising me, so I stress then that things may not be the same between us. I will try and make up for things, and to look at what I did wrong. In fact I am so uncomfortable with being criticised, that I will do all I can to be as perfect as possible so that nothing goes wrong in the first place.

 

[HollyGolightly]

lol how do I deal with criticism?

I'm still figuring this one out... I grew up with so much harsh criticism and very little acknowledgement on my goodness, so usually I inicially feel like I have done something bad or wrong and I feel sorrow. I usually feel worried that I have ruined something good between myself and whomever is criticising me, so I stress then that things may not be the same between us. I will try and make up for things, and to look at what I did wrong. In fact I am so uncomfortable with being criticised, that I will do all I can to be as perfect as possible so that nothing goes wrong in the first place.

Gosh I could of written this. This is exactly how I feel.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I am sensitive to criticism, but I tend to only feel defensive or upset if it seems unfair to me. If it's legit criticism, then I may feel a bit mad at myself, but ultimately I will consider it and use it to improve.

It depends on many factors...

What appears to be the motivation of the other person for criticizing me or my work? Many times, people do not have good motives, or they are just reacting on emotion themselves.

Is the criticism valid? Sometimes people are just plain wrong; they have grossly misinterpreted something, they are the one being too sensitive or too demanding, or they simply have no idea of what they are talking about. People seem to think "my opinion = fact" too often also, and they jump the gun on criticizing, but instead of offering anything useful, they are just insulting because they have no legitimate reason to back up their criticism. For instance, just because you do not LIKE something, does not mean it is BAD. People also have short term views in determining what works and what does not.

Is the criticism given in a fair and helpful way? Even if someone deserves criticism, they do not deserve to be beaten down. I think the criticizer has the responsibility to deliver their criticism effectively, and if they fail to do so, then they cannot really expect someone to listen to them. You can't say "I don't like this" and expect someone to read your mind and find out what you do like and fix it.... If you cannot communicate clearly, then maybe it's your own fault that the other person is not delivering what you want/need.

Lastly, it IS PERSONAL and if the person claims it is not then I look back to #1, at their motivations. If you are a person, then a comment made specifically towards you and about you is personal. If you are a person, then the criticism you are giving is your personal opinion. People claiming that criticism is not personal often do so as an excuse to flout basic ethics and manners so as to get away with less than decent behavior. If people stopped objectifying others as "employees" or "students" and remembered they are individual human beings, then maybe everyone would deal with one another more compassionately. Personalizing interactions produces better results all around because it reminds people they are dealing with another human and not some machine made to serve them.

EDIT: Oh yeah, I also find most people very quick to criticize and slow to praise. This is a mistake. I think many people respond better to praise & will grow more from it than criticism (although criticism is necessary at times). You reinforce higher expectations in a positive way by showing they are reachable and you create a feeling of wanting to keep the respect they've earned. Constant criticism can make people only live up to the bare minimum necessary to avoid it and creates motivation from fear which doesn't promote growth because it stifles creativity and self-esteem.

 

[angelhair45]

EDIT: Oh yeah, I also find most people very quick to criticize and slow to praise. This is a mistake. I think many people respond better to praise & will grow more from it than criticism (although criticism is necessary at times). You reinforce higher expectations in a positive way by showing they are reachable and you create a feeling of wanting to keep the respect they've earned. Constant criticism can make people only live up to the bare minimum necessary to avoid it and creates motivation from fear which doesn't promote growth because it stifles creativity and self-esteem.

I feel the same way. I've seen this happen with children especially.

 

[Arclight]

lol how do I deal with criticism?

I'm still figuring this one out... I grew up with so much harsh criticism and very little acknowledgement on my goodness, so usually I inicially feel like I have done something bad or wrong and I feel sorrow. I usually feel worried that I have ruined something good between myself and whomever is criticising me, so I stress then that things may not be the same between us. I will try and make up for things, and to look at what I did wrong. In fact I am so uncomfortable with being criticised, that I will do all I can to be as perfect as possible so that nothing goes wrong in the first place.

This..

 

[Rebe]

I uh ... not well. I am not even going to pretend otherwise. Not well at all. I perceive some things to be criticism when it may just be an observation. I don't respond negatively to ALL criticism, just the weak spots in myself. If someone calls me spoiled, I may be like, uhm, sure. That doesn't bother me. If someone calls negative, yup, I am, sure. It depends on which weak spot they hit.

I do try to use it in a useful way, though, to improve myself, see myself differently, if I see merit in what they say.

 

[Pixelholic]

I had to force myself to learn to handle criticism since my career choice revolves around it. In undergrad we had notoriously bloodthirsty critiques. They were brutal, but you learn to compartmentalize criticism and then to be able and go back and figure out what is helpful and what isn't.

Submitting to galleries and festivals and getting rejected still causes me to go into a spiral of self-doubt though.

 

[Abstract Thinker]

If it is deserved (as measured by my best and calmest appraisal), then I welcome it, and I use it to better myself.

If it is not deserved (again, measured against my own beliefs), and is insincere, or used as a weapon to belittle, embarrass or discourage me, then the speaker will be dismissed as a waste of my time and emotions, and their "criticism" will be completely ignored, for better or worse.

The key words for me are "calmest appraisal." In my experience, if the criticism is presented by a trusted source, or is presented intelligently and compassionately, then I am much more likely to remain "calm" and consider it in a rational way. Otherwise it's just a waste of time and energy for everyone involved, mostly me.

 

[Mr Snuggles]

I am terrible at dealing with criticism. One comment can ruin my whole day and I can remember specific things people have said about me from years ago (on the upside I also remember some very nice compliments!)

What I can never do well is reply to criticism after receiving it as my immediate reaction is to withdraw into myself and contemplate what they just said.