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  1. #11
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    umm...to be totally honest it makes me really sad...like that of a child who's mother pushed them away...it's like someone you thought you were connected with and accepted you tells you they don't....i retreat and disengage and put up a cold aloof front and never let them back in in quite the same way.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  2. #12
    Senior Member scortia's Avatar
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    I can take real constructive, unbiased criticism. But criticism that comes too late to be of any use (I'm glaring at you, art professors), shows bias instead of being helpful, or is just flatout wrong will likely push me over the deep end and I will be cranky for at least a day afterword.

  3. #13
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Most of the time I take it poorly, get defensive and upset. If it's a paper or something I'm trying to improve, I take it okay. Generally speaking, if I want advice, I'll ask for it. Otherwise it's probably not welcome.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #14
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Most of the time I take it poorly, get defensive and upset. If it's a paper or something I'm trying to improve, I take it okay. Generally speaking, if I want advice, I'll ask for it. Otherwise it's probably not welcome.
    right...if i ask for it. it's because i want your perspective and that sort i can handle well but otherwise...ouch.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #15
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Doesn't bother me much because I'm used to getting criticized ALL.the.time. If I don't recognize that fault then there is no way it can offend or hurt me anyway. If I do recognize it I just acknowledge it and depending on the case say I'm sorry.

    Criticism is the only thing that helps me to get better. It keeps my mind on its toes and makes me improve and become a better person at whatever it is.

  6. #16
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Very well.

  7. #17
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Perhaps you are projecting something on to their intentions. If someone is criticisng, then, in the realm of their persepctive they are correct in doing so.
    Is their realm of perception any less valuable than yours?
    To him or her there is nothing innacurate about their perceptions of you. You think it's inaccuarte, so it is you who actually ends up projecting ill intentions. The situation you describe sounds much like unilatteral reaction instead of honest investigation into what is perhaps a very genuine issue someone might have with you.
    That’s a good point. I wasn’t very clear about the fact that I find it exhausting to have to do the work of investigating whether it’s me or the other person; that’s what I meant by “it becomes my problem too because I have to do the work of figuring out how to deal with the person.” I didn’t make that clear. I might suspect someone of projecting, but I never impulsively jump to the whole-hog conclusion that they are. If I’m angry enough to do something about it, I always get a second (and maybe third or fourth) opinion to see if others see it too. I really have little patience for *imaginary* offenses so I am VERY careful about not throwing out any of my own.

    I should also probably clarify that I don’t think ALL inaccurate criticism is the result of projecting or the smoke and mirrors tactic. Sometimes it’s an honest mistake and both parties can be perfectly reasonable in cleaning it up. In my earlier comment I was just addressing why ‘inaccurate criticism’ bothers me; I meant to explain why it bothers me when the person makes a habit out of throwing their own shit at other people. But ‘inaccurate’ criticism doesn’t bother me when the other person is reasonable and it’s coming from a constructive place.

    And you’re right, it’s all about perspective, in their own perspective everyone is correct. But sometimes unilateral perspectives impose unreasonable expectations on other people. And the degree to which someone is willing to listen to how reasonable/unreasonable other people feel their expectations are is the extent to which those other people will be willing to respect the expectations in the first place. It isn’t about how ‘valuable’ a perspective is, everyone’s perspective should be considered valuable; it’s just about taking responsibility for one’s perspective and its consequences. People who throw out criticism without reflecting on whether or not it’s merited will have to deal with the consequence of others not giving their opinion very much weight (their perspective will not seem as ‘valuable’, I guess).
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  8. #18
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I'm with Z Buck on her first post. Usually I am a lot harder on myself than anyone else will be. If people have good intentions and know me well enough to criticize, I'm pretty good at separating bad delivery from the message. I think INFJs are more often too prone to take inaccurate or invalid criticism to heart. It took me several years before I finally realized that most of my ESTJ's criticisms towards me only came when he felt like 1) That thing could compete for my affections (so was part of his insecurity) 2) He was jealous and admitted it later 3) He felt threatened when I brought something up that was a reoccuring problem between us (that's when he would fire off criticisms to make the point that I was human too, rather than dealing with the issue at hand or because those things mattered enough to him to really deal with.

    I'm not saying that other's perspectives aren't valuable to me, but I became much more isolated than I should have been, which gave his criticisms far more weight than they ought to have had. They weren't accurate and I did seek out various other people's opinion who cared about me but would be honest with me. I think that it is important to solicit advice and even constructive criticism from other people, to have people around you who have a stake in your life going well and to whom you are accountable in some way, but I think it's also important to carefully select those people and be careful whose opinions you give weight to and consider what their motives may be.

  9. #19
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    Nothing a little sarcasm can't cover up

  10. #20
    garbage
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    If something is inaccurate why would it bother you? it is then the other person who has the problem, no?

    Perhaps it bothers you because somewhere inside you know it might be accurate and you don't want accept it?
    what about when their false perceptions actually affect you

    e.g. a boss who doesn't give you the benefit of the doubt

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