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  1. #71
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecttcelfeR View Post
    It just seems that friendships are based on a connection between man and the women, but if men do not actually connect to someone through this mode of communication (talking, finding common interests) then the man is being more friendly then actually creating a friendship. This is what I'm interpreting Synarch's words as.
    Conversation and common interests do comprise some of my relationships with women.

    These kinds of relationships aren't mutually exclusive, though. The person I liked the most was everything. I respected her, perhaps even admired her. I found it very easy to talk to her and interact with her. And I was quite in love with her and found her sexually attractive.

    But she was exceptional.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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  2. #72
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i totally agree with that synarch. it's relating vs appreciation..relating leads to friendship and appreciating can lead to attraction.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #73
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    I'm strictly heterosexual.
    I have a high libido.
    I respect your point of view. However, have you not expressed in the past issues of gender confusion?
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  4. #74
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i totally agree with that synarch. it's relating vs appreciation..relating leads to friendship and appreciating can lead to attraction.
    To relate you have to be able to identify.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  5. #75
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I would never be friends with a woman I was attracted to. Boundaries.
    Smart man. That's got to save you some grief.

    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Here's the irony. The best way to get a woman to want to have sex with you is to be friends with her without ever suggesting that you ever want anything more. Gradually, she will wonder why you never flirted or made a move and it will drive her crazy.
    Playing hard to get, in whatever form it takes, has never attracted me in any way. I have no doubt that this works on some self-absorbed women but I never assume that I am (or should be) a major factor in anyone elses actions. Foolishly, if a man is ignoring me or merely be nice I assume he is uninterested in me romantically.

    Besides, I have no patience for such silly games.

    And as for men and women being friends, I always find it hard to take the things some men say about how its impossible without a sexual aspect to it (even if it isn't acted upon). I have never noticed any sexual element in the way my male friends treat me (not even sneaky glances!). Even when they've been in situations which lends to at least some romantic/sexual tension. I do understand that men tend to be sexually attracted to almost any remotely attractive woman they are in close proximity to but surely for some men the feeling of friendship can grossly outweigh (and cancel out) the odd moment of attraction.

    EDIT: Agh! This comment is so far behind. This thread is moving so fast!
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  6. #76
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    To relate you have to be able to identify.
    well yeah.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #77
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    There is this aphorism in Nietzsche's "Ecce Homo" that I often think about:

    "When thou goest to woman, take thy whip."

    On the surface it sounds misogynistic, but as with many of his aphorisms there are multiple interpretations that spur thought. The reason I think about it a lot is that I think each possible interpretation illuminates an essential fact of male / female relations.

    Out of all the possible reasons to "take thy whip" I have come up with the following interpretations:

    1. The whip as a tool of domination over women.
    2. The whip as a tool for keeping women at bay, much like a lion tamer keeps lions at bay.
    3. The whip as a means to punish yourself in front of women or because of women.
    4. The whip as a tool a woman uses to dominate men, ie. take your whip so that she can whip you.
    5. The whip as a tool for spurring action.

    In any case, I think there is something thought provoking about it. And I consider it often. There is a force at work that keeps us at odds with one another. And that same force attracts us irrevocably to one another.
    That's nothing new. Women have historically been seen as forces as nature, mystical, closer to the spirits, dangerous and irrational, etc. by male philosophers and male religious leaders and male dramaturgists throughout history.

    I interpret that quote ^^ more along the same lines.

    And...where did this thread go? LOL.

    Anyhow, my answer is that I generally have female friends. I think if the OP tends to have only male friends I'd guess she's very pretty and gets positive attention from guys. Similar to Silly Sapienne's experience I wouldn't be surprised if later down the line

    I dated an INFP woman who had this similar pattern until college when she went to a women's college. She was only "friends" with guys in highschool as apparently all the other girls were jealous of her... ^_^ I also knew another INFP woman who was a tomboy and played a lot of sports and had a pattern of having male friends who later wanted more. Both these women continue a pattern of problematic/disappointing relationships (both friendship and dating). The first woman is bisexual, the second woman is a lesbian.

    I have to say both these patterns ^^ could be avoided if you learned to recognize the kind of attention you were getting - from both guys and girls. And were also more self-aware and clear of the signals you yourself give off or how people will interpret your actions.

    I haven't seen this problem to this magnitude with non-XNFP types.

    I think it's usually pretty clear when a straight dude is just talking to you or interested in you because they find you attractive and want to be more than friends. I have found that XNFPs, particularly INFPs are really bad at recognizing/gauging this.

    I've also seen guys form very patronizing "friendships" with women they think are really cute but otherwise they think are dumber or less informed than they are or otherwise not on par with being an equal peer.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

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  8. #78
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    I find that admiration is a clear sign of affection to me. But in connecting this with everything we have said before it makes sense. Admiration usually arrives when you wish to do something that you can't, this would be the disconnect that exists between man and women, thus creating the sexual feelings that we have. Obtaining something that we don't have is very thrilling to most.

  9. #79
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    but the sexiest kind is a mix don't you think?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #80
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    And as for men and women being friends, I always find it hard to take the things some men say about how its impossible without a sexual aspect to it (even if it isn't acted upon). I have never noticed any sexual element in the way my male friends treat me (not even sneaky glances!). Even when they've been in situations which lends to at least some romantic/sexual tension. I do understand that men tend to be sexually attracted to almost any remotely attractive woman they are in close proximity to but surely for some men the feeling of friendship can grossly outweigh (and cancel out) the odd moment of attraction.
    I take you at your word.

    However...

    In these cases, are you available, are they available, and, how attractive are you?

    These factors dictate the strength of the attraction.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

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