[MBTI General] xNFP females, do you tend to be better friends with males?

[Synarch]

i mean that many of us have a preference for personal conversations...dislike the formality of pleasant chit chat and skip ahead to more interesting (to us) types of personal conversations...to anyone...the old woman at the park...or kids or the new person at work...not in that...feed my ego and crave me sexually please way that you made it sound like.

Oh, no, I didn't mean it that way. It just seems like when someone has a real, automatic interest in a stranger... it can seem... indiscriminate, you know? This is what seems strange to me.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Wow, what a fascinating (and likely apt) observation. The crossing of boundaries by myself and others makes me panicky...

IDK if it's Fi, but I know my boundaries can be markedly different from other people.

Someone had to tell me not to hug a male friend of mine, as it sent the wrong signal - I was like "What?!" . I have a habit of hugging the host/hostess, and didn't realize it came off as singling him out . But yet, I am careful not to flirt in the way I see other women do. I also get weirdly private about stuff others see as just fine to share.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

i mean that many of us have a preference for personal conversations...dislike the formality of pleasant chit chat and skip ahead to more interesting (to us) types of personal conversations...to anyone...the old woman at the park...or kids or the new person at work...not in that...feed my ego and crave me sexually please way that you made it sound like.

Of course you did.

It's the depth of the conversation that counts, I agree.

 

[Synarch]

Boundaries are ultimately useless as they only exist because we allow them too... we can destroy them at any time most just choose not too, but this hinders a great deal of learning on everyones part.

Certainly they have some use?

 

[Lady_X]

Oh, no, I didn't mean it that way. It just seems like when someone has a real, automatic interest in a stranger... it can seem... indiscriminate, you know? This is what seems strange to me.

well equality sort of is isn't it?

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Certainly they have some use?

I suppose I should add the mutual agreement of disregarding boundaries when entering conversations, but I still believe the first part to be true.

 

[Synarch]

well equality sort of is isn't it?

I suppose. I just think about how many billions of people there are in the world and if I tried to pay attention to too many strangers in a way where I tried to connect my head might explode from the sheer complexity of navigating all these personal relationships.

 

[Lady_X]

Of course you did.

It's the depth of the conversation that counts, I agree.

of course i did what? huh?

 

[Thalassa]

Oh, I'm sorry. I mean it is foreign to me. I can't remember really doing that. It seems like my conversations usually involve the transfer of information.

When I see people relating through conversation I wonder what's happening. What are they experiencing? Why do they do it?

I think he meant it's foreign for him

And that's interesting....I feel my male friends DO relate to me. Maybe I am delusional, but I don't think so . I mean, it helps that these guys are NFs or SFPs & we DO have many common interests and a tendency to like to relate emotionally to people. I've even had an INTP friend relate to me (but admittedly there was a romantic vibe - still, he related! ).

lol sorry...I misunderstood...

Yeah, Synarch...relating to people comes naturally to me, I mean, I am capable of just exchanging information, but mostly I converse to relate. I don't understand how people can not relate.

And, yeah OrangeAppled, I think it's easier to relate to NF or SF males maybe, but I swear the guy I was talking about who I've been friends with since I was thirteen is actually ISTP, I relate to him ...or at least did much more when we were younger... and there's definitely no romance.

 

[Lady_X]

I suppose. I just think about how many billions of people there are in the world and if I tried to pay attention to too many strangers in a way where I tried to connect my head might explode from the sheer complexity of navigating all these personal relationships.

well you can only be one place at a time.

 

[Synarch]

lol sorry...I misunderstood...

Yeah, Synarch...relating to people comes naturally to me, I mean, I am capable of just exchanging information, but mostly I converse to relate. I don't understand how people can not relate.

What is the point of relating? What benefit do you receive from it?

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

It's the 'I've gotta be friends with everyone complex' that I find somewhat profound and unrealistic(though I was this way for quite some time). Seeing as relationships tend to be like spider webs and most are tangled within one another. This would be the only way true equality could be attained.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

of course i did what? huh?

Nothing.

My fingers slipped... a lot.

 

[Synarch]

It's the 'I've gotta be friends with everyone complex' that I find somewhat profound and unrealistic(though I was this way for quite some time). Seeing as relationships tend to be like spider webs and most are tangled within one another. This would be the only way true equality could be attained.

I think if you feel connected to everyone and everything as many Feeling types do, then this feeling of equality emerges rather spontaneously. If you see yourself as disconnected and separate, it becomes easier to create hierarchies and segregations among groups of people and between individuals.

 

[Thalassa]

What is the point of relating? What benefit do you receive from it?

It's a large part of what gives life meaning for me. I'm so high on F preference I may not be the best person to translate this.

 

[Lady_X]

It's the 'I've gotta be friends with everyone complex' that I find somewhat profound and unrealistic(though I was this way for quite some time). Seeing as relationships tend to be like spider webs and most are tangled within one another. This would be the only way true equality could be attained.

well both yours and synarchs comments are way overstating it. i just mean the interaction style is relational...personal...so if we genuinely feel like reaching out or connecting with someone we do it that way.

blah...i have totally forgotten the point. totally going to bed!! ahh!

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

What is the point of relating? What benefit do you receive from it?

I suppose, if you were to think about it in our (NT) standards, if this trust could be created a well of information would be open for us to look upon, respectfully of course. You don't prod without allowing yourself to be prodded.

 

[Synarch]

It's a large part of what gives life meaning for me. I'm so high on F preference I may not be the best person to translate this.

I am just curious why it seems central to you. Or, perhaps it is not a consciously understood thing?

Do you feel disconnected if you do not relate? Does this disconnection cause you discomfort?

 

[OrangeAppled]

I actually think I need some relating for romantic vibes to happen also.... I've dated a few INTJs and it put me off that they didn't seem to comprehend me much at all, didn't seem all that interested in relating, and yet expressed romantic feelings when I felt some huge gap between us. I felt like, "He only likes me because he's physically attracted to me". That just wasn't enough for me.

On the other hand, I can relate to people & feel zero romantic vibes. It's just something I expect/want in general, I guess.

Do you feel disconnected if you do not relate? Does this disconnection cause you discomfort?

I'm going to butt in & answer also . YES & YES, and I have felt alienated much of my life because I don't relate much to most people, yet I need & want to. On the other hand, I can take a perverse pleasure in the outsider role. INFPs like a tinge of tragedy in their life

(Is this some enneagram 4 thing? Probably!)

 

[Synarch]

I actually think I need some relating for romantic vibes to happen also.... I've dated a few INTJs and it put me off that they didn't seem to comprehend me much at all, didn't seem all that interested in relating, and yet expressed romantic feelings when I felt some huge gap between us. I felt like, "He only likes me because he's physically attracted to me". That just wasn't enough for me.

On the other hand, I can relate to people & feel zero romantic vibes. It's just something I expect in general, I guess.

Interesting. So you have to relate to have access to any emotional intimacy? And by relating you mean that you have to feel that something is being shared between the two of you?