User Tag List

First 4567816 Last

Results 51 to 60 of 223

  1. #51
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    8,470

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    Most of these sounds true even if you take women out of them and leave them sexually ambiguous.
    I think that's a valid point, although I have not really wanted attention from men.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  2. #52
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Men are friends with women for a whole range of reasons that have nothing to do with sincere appreciation. Just as women are friends with men for a whole range of reasons that have nothing to do with sincere appreciation.

    Just off the top of my head:

    1. Being friends with women frees one from hierarchical considerations at work in friendships with men.
    2. Being friends with women is gratifying to the ego.
    3. Positive attention from women is always pleasurable.
    4. Being friends with women is a powerful form of social proof. In De Waal's "Primate Politics", he describes the phenomenon that to be successful as a prospective alpha male, one must first enlist the support of the females of the group.
    5. Women who support you will talk well about you to other women.
    6. If other men know women like you, they may try to curry your favor.
    7. Friendships with women can provide emotional supports you may not be experiencing in your own relationship.

    There are probably several other reasons I am not thinking of.
    These seem sort of calculating to me, although I don't doubt they are at work sometimes....and I think you could apply many for women also, but I still don't think that is always the case. Or at times, it's partially the case - why choose one woman over another? Maybe you do enjoy one more, even if part of the motive has nothing to do with that.

    In reference to the "sexless" idea, I think there can be a brother-sister dynamic that develops. I don't think it means you forget what gender the person is subconsciously or cease to react to them as the opposite gender, but you just don't regard them as any romantic/sexual potential partner. Maybe in such a case it is easier for a woman to develop this view, and maybe the guy often does see the woman as, well, not womanly, but it's still a real friendship nonetheless.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #53
    ReflecTcelfeR
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Makes me think you might be young.
    I am. It brings about the most shameful emotions, regret.

  4. #54
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/so
    Posts
    18,086

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Ah, but now it seems that they always want more?
    i haven't been single long...but that wasn't my point. i'm just saying you and others are saying they do and i can sense needing to be even more guarded about that in the future....perhaps.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #55
    ReflecTcelfeR
    Guest

    Default

    Ah, yes. 'The brother-sister dynamic', how I love thee. The relationships in question also greatly depend on the enviroment in which you create the relationship in.

  6. #56
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    8,470

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    These seem sort of calculating to me, although I don't doubt they are at work sometimes....and I think you could apply many for women also, but I still don't think that is always the case. Or at times, it's partially the case - why choose one woman over another? Maybe you do enjoy one more, even if part of the motive has nothing to do with that.
    It does sound calculating. I don't think people act this way for these reasons, but I do think they enjoy these benefits.

    In reference to the "sexless" idea, I think there can be a brother-sister dynamic that develops. I don't think it means you forget what gender the person is subconsciously or cease to react to them as the opposite gender, but you just don't regard them as any romantic/sexual potential partner. Maybe in such a case it is easier for a woman to develop this view, and maybe the guy often does see the woman as, well, not womanly, but it's still a real friendship nonetheless.
    You bring up a point that is always compelling to me and that is the brother / sister dynamic. I have never had sisters so for me women have always loomed large in my life. If they were peers, they were not familiar to me the way a sister would be. I do think it is possible for this to be at work, but since I have such little experience with it it is difficult for me to take into account though I know it is another model of interaction.

    Over the last year I have really been trying to be better friends with women, but it definitely seems easier if I can put everyone into some sort of bounded box. Right now, I've basically decided that I can be friendly but not really friends. Not the way I am friends with men.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  7. #57
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/so
    Posts
    18,086

    Default

    what if you really liked her but weren't attracted to her? have you never experienced that?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #58
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    8,470

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i haven't been single long...but that wasn't my point. i'm just saying you and others are saying they do and i can sense needing to be even more guarded about that in the future....perhaps.
    There are probably men who can be friends with women. I mean, I'm very cynical so I would hate for you to take me too seriously. It is just something I think it might be worth being aware of.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  9. #59
    ReflecTcelfeR
    Guest

    Default

    Keep that 'third-eye' attentive.

  10. #60
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    8,470

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    what if you really liked her but weren't attracted to her? have you never experienced that?
    It's difficult for me to see most women as equals mainly because I don't know many who I respect for their intellect or talents. Respect is how men like one another.

    The ones who I am friends with tend to be the wives or girlfriends of friends of mine and I find that I treat them a bit paternalistically if I can act paternalistic without seeming patronizing, which they would find hurtful and offensive. I find myself motivated to look out for them and protect them rather than really relating to them. They just seem so foreign from me in what they concern themselves with.

    I do know women whose intellects I really respect and we tend to get along very well. I seem to also desire this in a romantic partner.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

Similar Threads

  1. [SJ] SJ Females How Do you Like to Be Approached?
    By obzen210 in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 06-07-2017, 06:58 PM
  2. [NF] Do you need to be inspired to do things?
    By Virtual ghost in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 07-01-2009, 05:50 PM
  3. [MBTItm] Do NFJs tend to be the most private types?
    By Glycerine in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 34
    Last Post: 04-10-2009, 09:19 PM
  4. Replies: 15
    Last Post: 10-27-2007, 10:02 PM
  5. What type do you aspire to be?
    By RansomedbyFire in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 72
    Last Post: 09-28-2007, 09:54 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO