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  1. #31
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecttcelfeR View Post
    A lesson I have learnt by obtaining and creating a strong T. Sad though.
    Eros thrives in the distances between people. Men and women have to be distinct to feel attracted across that distance. As masculine identity develops away from women it can feel like a separation but that separation is what allows you to develop a true respect and admiration for the feminine principle.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  2. #32
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    like he wants to be sex buddies and she wants to be friends or they are sex buddies and she wants a relationship?

    i don't know...i'm completely out of this whole sex buddy loop...i know nothing about it...have no friends who've ever been in that situation either. it seems like some new concept or fad that happened while i was away or...something.
    This doesn't go on with my friends either...

    I notice that some guys are only friendly with women in groups & would only pursue spending time with a woman outside of the group if there was other motive than friendship. Then there are some guys who seem to cultivate individual friendships with many women (and even if they don't hang out alone a lot, there is a more personal aspect than just a group one), and it doesn't appear they are after all these women sexually/romantically (in some cases, I know the moral stances of these guys). And yeah, a LOT of those guys are Feelers. IDK, maybe they are just casting a wide net & biding their time, or maybe they actually enjoy women as fellow human beings without needing sexual value attached to them - what a crazy thought.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #33
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    And yeah, a LOT of those guys are Feelers. IDK, maybe they are just casting a wide net & biding their time, or maybe they actually enjoy women as fellow human beings without needing sexual value attached to them - what a crazy thought.
    Are these men compelling to you as men? Or, do they feel like boys or neuters?

    I enjoy women as fellow human beings. I just can't separate that out if there is attraction. I don't have control over that really.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  4. #34
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Eros thrives in the distances between people. Men and women have to be distinct to feel attracted across that distance. As masculine identity develops away from women it can feel like a separation but that separation is what allows you to develop a true respect and admiration for the feminine principle.
    The disconnection allows for something to BE created?

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecttcelfeR View Post
    The disconnection allows for something to BE created?
    Absolutely. Until you can be independent from women you will never see how beautiful they can really be. Too much identification and familiarity robs them of their potent mystery and robs you of the joy in that.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  6. #36
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    This doesn't go on with my friends either...

    I notice that some guys are only friendly with women in groups & would only pursue spending time with a woman outside of the group if there was other motive than friendship. Then there are some guys who seem to cultivate individual friendships with many women (and even if they don't hang out alone a lot, there is a more personal aspect than just a group one), and it doesn't appear they are after all these women sexually/romantically (in some cases, I know the moral stances of these guys). And yeah, a LOT of those guys are Feelers. IDK, maybe they are just casting a wide net & biding their time, or maybe they actually enjoy women as fellow human beings without needing sexual value attached to them - what a crazy thought.
    I would say that most of these men have feelings for the girls, this seems unavoidable, but understand that speaking these feelings is an all too permanent decision to make, or not.

  7. #37
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Absolutely. Until you can be independent from women you will never see how beautiful they can really be. Too much identification and familiarity robs them of their potent mystery and robs you of the joy in that.
    I feel like I knew this already, but I'm glad we could reason it out.

  8. #38
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Are these men compelling to you as men? Or, do they feel like boys or neuters?

    I enjoy women as fellow human beings. I just can't separate that out if there is attraction. I don't have control over that really.
    I don't know what you mean by "compelling" to me as "men". A few are quite attractive physically, but that doesn't mean I find them attractive for myself as far as having any romantic interest. Or maybe I would be interested in circumstances were dramatically different.

    I definitely don't seem them all as boys or sexless, even if I don't happen to find them attractive. There are a few I almost regard as gender neutral in the sense that I lose all male/female dynamic, but that is rare. There is a different dynamic with my male friends than female, as I said in my first post in here, so most seem to be "compelling as men" in some way.

    I also recognize that in such situations, romantic feelings could grow, which is why I think that male-female friendships have to be dealt with carefully in situations where it's not appropriate for more to grow.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  9. #39
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I don't know what you mean by "compelling" to me as "men". A few are quite attractive physically, but that doesn't mean I find them attractive for myself as far as having any romantic interest. Or maybe I would be interested in circumstances were dramatically different.
    I mean do you feel their presence in the world as men? I think this is what I mean by sexual energy. Even when I am not thinking of sex I still feel a woman's presence as something distinct. Very different from how I sense men around me. Women stick out. If you do not feel their presence as men, then perhaps true friendship is at work. I am just thinking out loud.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  10. #40
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecttcelfeR View Post
    I would say that most of these men have feelings for the girls, this seems unavoidable, but understand that speaking these feelings is an all too permanent decision to make, or not.
    So if a guy has about 4 female friends he considers good friends, then has feelings for all of them? These friendships continue even when said guy has a girlfriend?



    IDK....I am not naive so that I don't recognize that a man making efforts to see & communicate with a woman apart from some social group is usually because he has romantic/sexual interests, but I do think that friendships can form beyond casual, friendly acquaintance in a group.


    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I mean do you feel their presence in the world as men? I think this is what I mean by sexual energy. Even when I am not thinking of sex I still feel a woman's presence as something distinct. Very different from how I sense men around me. Women stick out. If you do not feel their presence as men, then perhaps true friendship is at work. I am just thinking out loud.
    Yes, that's what I meant by "male-female" dynamic, but I don't think it is sexual either, as far as sexual attraction or tension goes. It may be sexual in the sense that I do feel some different air about them and it changes the way I respond to them.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

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